Future Aunt Problems!!

happilyeverafter072311

So I joined TheKnot, to ask this question.  My boyfriend and I have been dating for 6 months now.  He is definately the one.  We have talked about the future, getting married, as well have gone ring shopping already.  I'm 26, he's 24, both settled and ready to start a married life together.  The only problem is his aunts.  His mom passed away 6 years ago.  He is the most sincere person I have ever met and so his aunts always say that he's the favorite nephew/niece on that side.  During Thanksgiving dinner, in front of everyone, they announce to me that they are walking him down the aisle on his wedding day.  (we were dating only 2 months by then!) This happened again at Christmas and then this past weekend at his cousin's wedding. 

Normally I was ok with dodging the demand and changing the subject pretty quickly, but at his cousin's wedding, I didn't do such a good job of it, and they noticed. 

I don't want him to walk down the aisle.  Normally, the groom will walk out from the front with his groomsmen and wait for the bridesmaids and bride to walk down the aisle.  I'm worried that if he's in the back of the church, he'll see me.

Is it normal for a groom to walk up the aisle instead of standing at the front of church with his groomsmen?  I think it will be really awkward.  It also doesn't seem like he wants them to, (he said wanted to do a mother/son dance with my mom because he is so close to my mom, not his aunts)  but wants to avoid confronting his aunts.  I think I might not  make such a big deal about it if we were already engaged and they didn't tell me how my wedding was going to be.  Please help!  Am I just being a soon to be bridezilla???

aerinpegadrak

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_future-aunt-problems?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:8b3f9535-643b-4a54-b3ec-91a68ba2a2bfPost:6dbd2e93-2446-44ac-8bf8-f43e64eb582e">Future Aunt Problems!!</a>:
[QUOTE]So I joined TheKnot, to ask this question.  My boyfriend and I have been dating for 6 months now.  He is definately the one.  We have talked about the future, getting married, as well have gone ring shopping already.  I'm 26, he's 24, both settled and ready to start a married life together.  The only problem is his aunts.  His mom passed away 6 years ago.  He is the most sincere person I have ever met and so his aunts always say that he's the favorite nephew/niece on that side.  During Thanksgiving dinner, in front of everyone, they announce to me that they are walking him down the aisle on his wedding day.  (we were dating only 2 months by then!) This happened again at Christmas and then this past weekend at his cousin's wedding.  Normally I was ok with dodging the demand and changing the subject pretty quickly, but at his cousin's wedding, I didn't do such a good job of it, and they noticed.  I don't want him to walk down the aisle.  Normally, the groom will walk out from the front with his groomsmen and wait for the bridesmaids and bride to walk down the aisle.  I'm worried that if he's in the back of the church, he'll see me. Is it normal for a groom to walk up the aisle instead of standing at the front of church with his groomsmen?  I think it will be really awkward.  It also doesn't seem like he wants them to, (he said wanted to do a mother/son dance with my mom because he is so close to my mom, not his aunts)  but wants to avoid confronting his aunts.  I think I might not  make such a big deal about it if we were already engaged and they didn't tell me how my wedding was going to be.  Please help!  Am I just being a soon to be bridezilla???
Posted by happilyeverafter072311[/QUOTE]
1) What does he really want?  It should be his decision how he enters the ceremony, not yours.  It's his wedding, too.

2) If he's genuinely on your side with this one (and not just trying to avoid conflict with you), but refuses to stand up to his aunts regarding a decision you've made together, that's a giant red flag.  You're going to have to decide if you're up for a lifetime of their happiness being more important than yours, because that's the situation he's created.

[Deleted User]

If that is not what he wants, he needs to put his foot down with his Aunt politely. If that is what he wants, it won't matter if he sees you as he is going to see you eventually anyway.

My husband was waiting at the end of the aisle for me and the GM were at the altar.

saric83

Often times, the groom will escort their mother down the aisle prior to the ceremony starting, so that's probably what they're talking about.  He has to get down the aisle somehow, so they probably just want to be with him in place of his mom.  : )  So you wouldn't come out of the dressing room (or wherever you would be) until after he and the groomsmen are lined up.  So when the time comes and that's what he would like to do, it certainly wouldn't have to interfere with you not wanting him to see you before. 

jagore08

I stood inside the reception hall (our ceremony was just outside of it in the gardens) when DH walked his mother down the aisle.  When he was at the front my sister told me the coast was clear for me to come out.

happilyeverafter072311

I guess I just think it's weird because how we do it, if his mom was stil alive, she wouldn't be walking him up the aisle anyways because her husband would so they could do the unity candle.  So I've never seen the groom walk up from the back, they just always come in through the side door with all the groomsmen.

I think I'm just annoyed with the whole situation because we aren't even engaged yet and they told me they were walking him up the aisle without either of our input.  If he really didn't want to walk up with his aunts, I think he would tell them, it's just weird because they don't even know we have talked about getting engaged yet. 

Thanks for all the input, I feel a little better about the whole situation.

Muffin'sMom

My SIL walked up the aisle with his mom and dad walked behind them.  He then went to the alter area to wait with the guys.

jagore08

DH father walked his mother (DH grandmother) down the aisle because she didn't have an escort so that made it easy for DH to walk his mother.  Also, my MIL made an excellent point that my dad was escorting me down the aisle so why not her son walk escort her?

zitiqueen

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_future-aunt-problems?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:8b3f9535-643b-4a54-b3ec-91a68ba2a2bfPost:9c655706-f787-4aab-b3c6-4eb89317c0f0">Re: Future Aunt Problems!!</a>:
[QUOTE]I guess I just think it's weird because how we do it, if his mom was stil alive, she wouldn't be walking him up the aisle anyways because her husband would so they could do the unity candle.  So I've never seen the groom walk up from the back, they just always come in through the side door with all the groomsmen.<strong> I think I'm just annoyed with the whole situation because we aren't even engaged yet</strong> and they told me they were walking him up the aisle without either of our input.  If he really didn't want to walk up with his aunts, I think he would tell them,<strong> it's just weird because they don't even know we have talked about getting engaged yet</strong>.  Thanks for all the input, I feel a little better about the whole situation.
Posted by happilyeverafter072311[/QUOTE]

It might be a good idea to wait until you're actually engaged and have a date picked out before you start worrying about stupid stuff like this.

Seriously, if the engagement happens and your biggest concern turns out to be your FI's surrogate mothers wanting to escort him to the front of the church, you've got it pretty damned good.

FutureJilliannD

He has to get down there somehow. Can't you hide in some room like the bridal getting ready suite until someone lets you know he has made his entrance and then go down? I also think that if he has gotten much closer to his aunt since his mother passed away that it is a lovely gesture. But of course that is only if it is what he wants, not just the aunt.

vicki0508

His aunts have probably been thinking about walking him down the aisle for far longer than you've been around.  I'd definitely just let them do whatever they (and FI) want.  It's not worth upsetting your future family.

This of course is assuming you get engaged and this actually becomes an issue for you, because right now it's actually a non-issue because you aren't planning a wedding.

ADTonk

It does sound a little ackward, however when you do begin planning, I would definitely ask him what he wants.  Then it should be his job to tell his aunts yes or no on that issue.  Even if you think it's ackward, but it's what he really wants, leave it go.  The passing of his mother is a big part of who he is and this might be their way of honoring her. 

LoveMuffins

I'd be annoyed that they're already pushing it too, but hey, at least you know that they think you two are marraige material! Considering how fond they are of their newphew, maybe you should just be counting your blessings that they think you're good enough for him and aren't causing other drama =P

All that being said... My groom's walking down the aisle cuz there's no other way for him to get to the end of it! I know that some ceremony venues have the groom just come in from the back, but ours doesn't have a "back" area where he can stay in order to do that. He's going to walk down the aisle, and then the parents and grandparents will, and then the wedding party, and then me. He's not going to see me beforehand though, someone's gonna come get me from the room I'm in once he's started his walk

I'd say if he'd like to indulge his aunts with their desire, there's no problem with that! Just send have the 3 of them open the processional.

Librarydragon

When my husband performs weddings he is highly against the magically appearing groom. He has the groomsmen and groom process up the aisle first. For our son's wedding we will be walking him down the aisle and then the bride's maids, then the bride and her mother.