New baby!

Tula214

Today my sister (and MOH) told me she is pregnant. I know you think you know what I'm about to say, but read on. I was so happy for her, and was going on about how I knew she was going to have another kid. She turns to me, and says something that didn't even cross my mind. "Looks like you better find a new maid of honor."

What!? I couldn't believe she thought I was just going to take that away from her. I would never want anyone else to be my Matron of Honor. I don't think she wants to be standing up there with me all big and pregnant, though. I suppose I'll just add a bridesmaid (she was going to be the only person on my side, and I haven't mentioned anything about the bridal party to anyone else yet) What do you think?

P.S. Either way she's my MOH, the best, my main.

amber2123

First, DON'T add a BM!  It'll be tacky and how do you think that person will feel?
Second, How big will she be?  Will it be a challenge for her to be there?  And what if there's issues?  She might not be comfortable standing up anymore.  Tell her that you'd still love for her to be your MOH, but understand if she tells you she'd rather not.  The underlined part is for you, don't say that to her.

Tula214

She's not sure how far along she is now but I think she'll be due some time between  june and august... and my wedding is in may. I really don't expect her to get all dressed up and stand up there with me. As far as the help planning, all that other stuff, she's not going to stop with that because she's pregnant.

The only thing is, if I don't ask anyone else, FI will have 2 ppl on his side, and my side will be empty. The only reason I didn't ask anyone else yet to be a BM is because I only wanted one more person, and haven't decided who it should be yet.

sprtychick10

your sides don't have to be equal to your FI. Your sister can always walk down the aisle and sit in a pew if she needs to. I am sure everyone would understand if she doesn't stand up there with you.

amber2123

Yeah, don't use people as fillers...It really detracts from the point of having BM/MOH in the first place.

aerinpegadrak

Maybe you can offer to have a chair for her for the ceremony?  If it were me, I'd be telling her, "Hon, you're going to be there, wearing something pretty, and in lots of pictures anyway.  The only difference is where you sit for the ceremony, and I'd love you to be there with me."

8daysaweek

Does your sister already have a child or is this her first time being pregnant?

I know when I was pregnant with DD, I was really nervous about what I would be able to do when. I wasn't in a wedding but I have a demanding job that requires lots of get up and go and I was very unsure and nervous about how it would go. Maybe that is how your sister is feeling - that she's just not sure what she would be able to do and doesn't want to disappoint you at the last minute.
If she does have another child, how did her last pregnancy go? I ended up on bedrest at the end of mine and know I will be worried about it happening again if we have another child.

I would try talking to her about it. Just tell her that you want her to be comfortable and enjoy the wedding but it would mean a lot to you to have her with you. Ask if there's anything you can do that would make her feel more comfortable as MOH - like a chair or being able to sit in a pew, waiting until it gets closer and purchasing an off the rack maternity dress that is comfortable, etc. And tell her that you know unexpected things come up in pregnancies and if when it gets closer, she isn't sure she'll be able to do it, you'll understand and it will be fine.

Tula214

Thanks everyone for the advice.

This will actually be her 4th child. All of her pregnancies have been totally different. I planned to wait until she gets her ultrasound tuesday (thats when she finds out a due date), and then talk to her about what she wants to do. I just want her to be comfortable. She's always been there for me.

SeptemberFall2011

Congrats auntie! 

LizHZ

I really like the idea of offering her a chair during the ceremony, so everyone can see her process in anyways and you'd have her up there close to you. It could be up where she'd be standing, in front of the front row, or she could sit in the front row, whatever she felt comfortable with. 

(also: yey baby!)

meganiobe

Yay!! Congrats to your sister, and I think that as long as she is comfortable then everything should fine! I worked 11 hour days right up until My daughter was born, and I was on my feet all day. I was just fine, as long as she can rest if she needs too, I think she will be just fine!!

SCogs18

First, I'm so glad this post is about wanting your pregnant MOH to stay in the wedding and not about how to kick her out of it.

I would ask her why she thinks you need a new MOH.  Does she not want to play that role because she is afraid she won't be able to help as much as she wants or thinks she is expected?  Is she worried about looking fat in photos?  I would reassure her that you can't imagine having anyone but her as your MOH, hopefully she will come around.