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Trying not to nag my bridesmaids

Jenny423Jenny423 member
First Comment
in Moms and Maids
Hi ladies!  I could use some advice on how to approach my bridesmaids.

I have a wedding party of 6, and 3 are out of state.  I hear from the 3 in state regularly--every time I send an email or text or phone call.  Of the other three, one usually gets back to me eventually, but the other two have been totally MIA...and I'm getting married in 3 weeks.  I have sent emails, texts, and left voice messages and have heard nothing.  They will text me about other things, but won't really respond to wedding stuff, not even whether they have gotten their bridesmaid dresses altered yet.

I don't want to be a nag about this, but I'm getting a little nervous that they won't talk to me. I don't even know when they plan to arrive before the wedding. They are mature girls and I'm sure they're working on the alterations, but they are all REALLY busy, so I worry that they may forget.  What should I do?  I sent the last email probably 2 weeks ago and have left messages since.  Thank you for yoru help!
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Re: Trying not to nag my bridesmaids

  • aerinpegadrakaerinpegadrak member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    There's really nothing you can do except trust them to get it done.  If they don't show up in the correct dress, they can attend as guests.  I'm sure you have other things to be worried about at the moment.
    This is a neglected planning bio.
    This is a belated married bio, with no reviews yet because I'm lazy.

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    Sometimes I feel like people think that brides are delicate little flower princesses who get all dressed up and pretty for one special moment of their dreams, when really they're just normal people who just happen to be getting married. Things shouldn't have to be sugar-coated for grown-ass women. -mstar284
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  • AutumnFairAutumnFair member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Ditto to aerin, there is nothing you can do at this point. Just FYI, I have been in numerous weddings and never have had to alter my dress so maybe its the same with some of your BMs. 
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  • PeonyPrincesskddPeonyPrincesskdd
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_trying-not-nag-bridesmaids?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:8c1a2241-efd0-4875-8d59-eaa0092fac2ePost:6a07ebab-7561-48ed-9b0e-496fba3aeaf5">Trying not to nag my bridesmaids</a>:
    [QUOTE]Hi ladies!  I could use some advice on how to approach my bridesmaids. I have a wedding party of 6, and 3 are out of state.  I hear from the 3 in state regularly--every time I send an email or text or phone call.  Of the other three, one usually gets back to me eventually, but the other two have been totally MIA...and I'm getting married in 3 weeks.  I have sent emails, texts, and left voice messages and have heard nothing.  They will text me about other things, but won't really respond to wedding stuff, not even whether they have gotten their bridesmaid dresses altered yet. I don't want to be a nag about this, but I'm getting a little nervous that they won't talk to me. I don't even know when they plan to arrive before the wedding. They are mature girls and I'm sure they're working on the alterations, but they are all REALLY busy, so I worry that they may forget.  What should I do?  I sent the last email probably 2 weeks ago and have left messages since.  Thank you for yoru help!
    Posted by Jenny423[/QUOTE]

    It seems as though you have already done all you can do.  You said you left texts, voicemails, emails etc.  You seem to be micromanaging them and bombarding them with all your attempts to get through to them, but they are just too busy.  Just trust that they got your messages and they will respond on their own time.  You seem to be rushing them.  You said they are mature girls, I am sure they can get their dresses ordered in a timely manner.  That is their business when to do it, and none of yours.  You do not need to be worried about them.  They can handle themselves.  The best advice I can give you is to back off and let them get back to you at their convenience.  You need to tone it down a notch and stop harrassing them with the multiple calls/emails/text messages.  You really are nagging them and maybe that is why they don't want to get back to you.  You need to calm down and be a better and more understanding friend and stop making it like it's all about you and your wedding when you still have 3 weeks to go. 
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  • PeonyPrincesskddPeonyPrincesskdd
    First Comment
    edited December 2011

    altered*  I am sure they can get their dresses altered in a timely manner

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  • Jenny423Jenny423 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011

    Yes, same for me in terms of alterations, but I know that the dresses are way too big for them right now because the bridal shop was a little shady with ordering sizes.  I really love them and want them to be in the party, so I don't love leaving it alone, but I hear what you're saying.  I do have lots to worry about, it would just be nice to have this part down.

    Thanks for the advice!

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  • Jenny423Jenny423 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    No, no, the calls (like one to each over the last month) were just to say hi--just like I always call my friends--not to be "all about me" but they haven't responded to those either, which is strange.  I've written maybe 3 emails over the entire 14 month long engagement, and the one before 2 weeks was probably in February, so would hardly say I'm bombarding them, as that's really not my style.  I don't know why you would assume the worst. but I guess I didn't explain my timeline well.  Bombarding them is exactly what I'm trying to avoid. I know you say I have time, which is true, but 3 weeks doesn't seem like a whole lot of time to me when things need to be altered. Ah well, I'm sure it will work out anyway.  Thanks!
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  • jagore08jagore08 member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Just let it be and don't let it stress you anymore.  I'm sure the girls don't want to stand up in front of all your guests in an ill-fitting dress.  And like you said, they're busy.  They probably (no offense) don't have time to respond to your wedding texts and emails right now.  Wait until a week before your wedding and I'm sure they'll be returning calls.
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  • Jenny423Jenny423 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Thanks jagore, you're probably right! Worse comes to worse, my mom is pretty handy with pinning things :-) 
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  • aerinpegadrakaerinpegadrak member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    That's the spirit!
    This is a neglected planning bio.
    This is a belated married bio, with no reviews yet because I'm lazy.

    image
    Sometimes I feel like people think that brides are delicate little flower princesses who get all dressed up and pretty for one special moment of their dreams, when really they're just normal people who just happen to be getting married. Things shouldn't have to be sugar-coated for grown-ass women. -mstar284
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  • quotequeenquotequeen member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    They're adults, just trust them.  I have no idea whether our girls have gotten their dresses altered, but I haven't asked them about it and have absolutely no intention of doing so.  I simply don't need to know when they do it.  It's their responsibility to handle it, and if it's not done, they are the ones that will look ridiculous.
    Married 10/2/10
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  • NoellesmamaNoellesmama
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I can see why you are stressed...but not because of the alterations. I would be more worried about the fact that they haven't responded to your attempts at getting a hold of them. And this is not because the wedding is "all about the bride" either, more because they are your friends. I know that people get busy, and I have had trouble calling/responding to my friends as well. But, my friends and I have always found a way to get back at one another. And we have all been in each others weddings, and will be in mine as well. Try not to fret! 

    If it's one week before the wedding and you still don't hear from them, you can start to worry then. But I highly doubt that you'll have that problem. 
    Wedding Planning Bio/Blog Here Updated as of 2/1/11 Wedding Countdown Ticker
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  • deepcovejackiedeepcovejackie
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Yep Jenny that's the right idea!  Don't sweat the small stuff.
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  • jerseydeviljerseydevil member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_trying-not-nag-bridesmaids?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:8c1a2241-efd0-4875-8d59-eaa0092fac2ePost:aad65d7b-6d6f-41bb-a162-27c340ded6c6">Re: Trying not to nag my bridesmaids</a>:
    [QUOTE]Just let it be and don't let it stress you anymore.  I'm sure the girls don't want to stand up in front of all your guests in an ill-fitting dress.  And like you said, they're busy.  <strong>They probably (no offense) don't have time to respond to your wedding texts and emails right now</strong>.  Wait until a week before your wedding and I'm sure they'll be returning calls.
    Posted by jagore08[/QUOTE]

    I never understood why people make such an ordeal out of spending 5-10 mins to respond to someone they care about. How busy are you that you don't have ANY time at all?
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  • PeonyPrincesskddPeonyPrincesskdd
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_trying-not-nag-bridesmaids?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:8c1a2241-efd0-4875-8d59-eaa0092fac2ePost:571350ec-2c35-4279-93ff-ac28456d33a0">Re: Trying not to nag my bridesmaids</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Trying not to nag my bridesmaids : I never understood why people make such an ordeal out of spending 5-10 mins to respond to someone they care about. How busy are you that you don't have ANY time at all?
    Posted by jerseydevil[/QUOTE]

    The problem with today's brides regarding their bridal party is not that they bm's do not get back to them, it's that they don't get back to them QUICK ENOUGH.  The bride's are expecting bridesmaids to email them back right away when the bm is home with a screaming kid and feeding/changing/etc, and it's hard to get on that computer in a heart beat for the bride.
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  • joiner521joiner521
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Honey, they are salty, jealous and haters.
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