No Bridal Party?

maria1012

My Fiance and I have been having long discussions about whether or not we'd like to keep our bridal party apart of the wedding. We've had a long engagement (2+ years) and during the first part of the planning, we chose bridesmaids and groomsmen, consisting of old highschool and college friends. Now that the wedding is closer, our relationships with our friends are still intact, just different and we aren't as close anymore (we all live in separate parts of the country). 

Problem is, we already asked them. Neither of our friends keep in touch and we try to email and call as much as we can, but can't seem to hold the friendships together and have over the course of a year grown closer to others. Is it okay to change our minds? Is it okay to invite them as guest rather than a part of the wedding party? If so, how do we do this seamlessly and without hurt feelings? 

KatyRoseM

No, think how you would feel if they did this to you.  You might be growing apart, but it hurts to have it announced to you that your no longer close friends.

Allycat11

Absolutely not okay, you chose your bridal party early, and  that is the situation you put yourself in, sorry. You can absolutely add to your bridal party but as pp stated, think about how this would make you feel as a bridesmaid.

maria1012

I see your point and I'd be hurt too if I were in their shoes, but I don't know if our friends would be hurt as they don't seem to care about us anymore. They don't return our phone calls or emails. One of my BMs just got engaged. I sent her a card to congratulate her, left her a voicemail (she never returned the call) and worst yet, I had to find out about her engagement through Facebook. I was truly happy for her and even compiled a list of resources that I've used in planning and emailed it to her. I got a lackluster response and all my attempts of communication thereafter have been ignored. I've been a very laid back bride (I'm letting them choose dresses in any color and style, paying for their hair, hotel, etc.), so I don't know how she could be angry with me. 

His BM bails out of get togethers, doesn't communicate with him anymore and has really changed personality-wise. We essentially feel like we are going to be standing at the alter with strangers who were once great friends. 

Anyway, I appreciate your input and will take into consideration. 

aerinpegadrak

Have you tried asking them if anything is up?  Talk to your friend and find out why she's been so distant?  Friendship is a two-way street, and sometimes you just need to flat-out ask why they've been acting differently.

Kicking someone out of your wedding is pretty much always a crappy move.  The best thing to do would be to continue to keep them informed about their attire and the travel you're paying for.  If they don't get the attire, they've chosen to remove themselves and you've been the bigger person. 

It's not a bad thing if your WP aren't your closest friends anymore.  Having them up there with you is a testament to what your friendship once was, even if it's changed.  I'm not nearly as close to my MOH as I used to be, but I'm still happy I had her with me.  Another friend is in a wedding where she and the bride have both grown apart from one of the other bridesmaids, but the bride has decided to let the friendship run its course after the wedding, and despite the third friend being a pill, both are happy with the decision.

maria1012

Thanks, aerin! Your perspective really makes me feel better about the situation. I want to do the right thing and like you said, just let the wedding planning and friendship run its course. I sincerely hope that once we see each other in person again that we'll reconnect and I'll feel better about the situation. 

Also glad that I'm not the only person who has dealt with this!

maria1012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_bridal-party-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:8e05e608-e8ba-4f91-a037-a7db7088196cPost:6289c041-3e4a-4479-af3f-39f1df2a4d4e">Re: No Bridal Party?</a>:
[QUOTE]I must ask - do you ever contact them without mentioning the wedding? You selected them two years ago, and your wedding isn't until September. There is nothing wedding-related for them to do right now, and they're probably sick of hearing about it. Sorry....but other people get "weddinged out" very quickly. Of course they're happy for you....but enthusiasm is limited of necessity because it isn't happening for them. Ring them up and don't mention the wedding. Work on the friendship.
Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]

<div>I've actually made it a huge priority to NOT be this type of bride. I only talk about the wedding if they ask questions and even at that, I try not to dwell on the subject. </div><div>
</div><div>I think I'll follow the PP advice and just let things work themselves out. If they want to be apart of the wedding, they will at some point need to contact me or my Fiance for information and then we'll know that they are in fact still willing to work on the friendship. I've had too many emails (generic, not wedding related) that have gone unsanswered so the ball is kind of in their court I feel. </div>

heinz11msw

sorry but you are stuck with it. Even if you tell them all no, it's still a slap in the face. Plus... all they ahve to do is walk down the aisle and get attire. It's not a hassel to have them still stand up anyways.