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  • graysquirrelgraysquirrel member
    2500 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    I don't think it is wrong to feel that way, but I also don't think that it was wrong of her to have her reception the day after your wedding. Logistically, what problems could it cause for you? Would people not want to come to yours? Would she ditch out on you? Probably not. Even if there are people coming to yours that would also go to hers, yours sounds like a traditional wedding while hers is just an at home party. 
    Since it sounds like you two already had it out, I'd work on repairing the relationship. She probably only had it that day because it was a weekend and she was in town. 
    So while I understand your frustration, my advice would be to take a deep breath, chill out a little to avoid the bridezilla moments, and work on fixing the rift this may have caused with a friend. And also, I'd change your screen name because it is dangerous to give out your email on here-- there are some crazy people online!
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  • AutumnFairAutumnFair member
    Eighth Anniversary 1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_needing-unbias-advice-handling-bm?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:8e6c6f5d-ca80-4a8f-992d-d140f21d4994Post:064152b0-2c3b-4909-ad6c-1d0ee12aceac">needing unbias advice on handling a BM</a>:
    [QUOTE]Alrighty Ladies, I would really appreciate your advice.  Here's the situation: One of my best friends (and bridesmaids) had a destination wedding in Aug.  She met and married her husband in 3 months.  I have been dating my fiance for 2 years and we have been engaged for almost a year.  Now she is traveling home for my wedding in 3 weeks.  In the mail today I recieved an invitation for a "home wedding reception" for her the day after my wedding.  This really frustrated me! I called to talk to her about it, because it really upset me and now she is cancelling her reception.  Which was never my intention..... and I told her not to do! But now I feel like crap. Sooooo... my question to you is this.  Was it unreasonable or wrong for me to call and express my frustration with her? Is it wrong to want just one weekend to be "mine" for my wedding? 
    Posted by imgracie@hotmail.com[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>I think you already know deep down what you did was wrong because you felt guilty for it. You get <strong>one day</strong>, <span style="text-decoration:underline;" class="Apple-style-span"><em><strong>not </strong></em></span>a weekend. That being said you have every right to call and just let her know that you wouldn't be able to make her reception because you are busy with your wedding. Anyway, I would call her and apologize for your actions.

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  • AdeleDazeemAdeleDazeem member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    Yeah... I think you went a little too far.  You get a day, not a weekend. 

    What did you honestly expect to have happen when you called her and said "um, that's really close to mine!"  I wouldn't expect it to be a chipper "oh!  I'm sorry I didn't even think about it.  Let's move it to the following weekend to accommodate you."  It's a wedding reception with a lot of people - not an impromptu party of five people.

    Please apologize to her and say you had a moment of insanity.   

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  • banana468banana468 member
    Knottie Warrior 25000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited December 2011
    I think you owe your friend an apology too.  The reception isn't the day of your wedding and she probably has tons more people involved in the AHR than your wedding guest list.

    You could have said, "I'm so bummed that I can't make it to the AHR since we'll have so much post-wedding stuff going on!  Have fun without us!" but to guilt trip her was really rude on your part. 
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  • zitiqueenzitiqueen member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    Oh look, the same answers as you got on the Nest.
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  • trix1223trix1223 member
    5000 Comments 25 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Yes, you were wrong.  The only correct response would have been "I'm so sorry we won't be able to attend your reception, as we'll be leaving on our honeymoon.  Have a great party, and let's get together and share pictures when we get back!"

    Do you really think that all of your friends won't do anything the day after your wedding?  Hint:  they will.  And they're allowed to.  They'll give you your wedding day, and then their life moves on, as does yours.

    As for the part about how long they dated, and how long you dated and were engaged:  that has absolutely NOTHING to do with your story.  It only makes you sound like you're being smug and superior.  I read it as "Our wedding is more real, because we dated and were engaged longer."

    Next time you tell the story, leave out the timeline.  It's not germane to the discussion at all.
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
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  • heyimbrenheyimbren member
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_needing-unbias-advice-handling-bm?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:8e6c6f5d-ca80-4a8f-992d-d140f21d4994Post:064152b0-2c3b-4909-ad6c-1d0ee12aceac">needing unbias advice on handling a BM</a>:
    [QUOTE]Alrighty Ladies, I would really appreciate your advice.  Here's the situation: One of my best friends (and bridesmaids) had a destination wedding in Aug.  <strong>She met and married her husband in 3 months.  I</strong> have been dating my fiance for 2 years and we have been engaged for almost a year.  Now she is traveling home for my wedding in 3 weeks.  In the mail today I recieved an invitation for a "home wedding reception" for her the day after my wedding.  This really frustrated me! I called to talk to her about it, because it really upset me and now she is cancelling her reception.  <strong>Which was never my intention</strong>..... and I told her not to do! But now I feel like crap. Sooooo... my question to you is this.  Was it unreasonable or wrong for me to call and express my frustration with her? Is it wrong to want just one weekend to be "mine" for my wedding? 
    Posted by imgracie@hotmail.com[/QUOTE]

    Yes, I think you were wron gto phone her and express your frustration. You get one day, not a weekend, that's just the way it is.

    Exactly what was your intention then? To make her feel badly?

    Also, how long she's known her H has nothing to do with this post at all. Not one bit.

    Now to be honest, if I was your friend, I wouldn't plan my reception the day before your wedding knowingly. I don't think it makes much sense. But I also wouldn't have said anything or gotten really upset if I was in your shoes, OP. You should've declined her invitation and left it at that. I'd phone her and apologize.
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  • lalap69lalap69 member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I knew as soon as I read how long she's been with her DH versus how long you'd been with your FI that this was going to involve you being really immature.  Sure enough...you're being really immature.  Call her and apologize.
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  • aerinpegadrakaerinpegadrak member
    10000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_needing-unbias-advice-handling-bm?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:8e6c6f5d-ca80-4a8f-992d-d140f21d4994Post:e31997d4-8394-4048-9d35-d5f2006eb130">Re: needing unbias advice on handling a BM</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to needing unbias advice on handling a BM : Now to be honest, if I was your friend, I wouldn't plan my reception the day before your wedding knowingly. I don't think it makes much sense. But I also wouldn't have said anything or gotten really upset if I was in your shoes, OP. You should've declined her invitation and left it at that. I'd phone her and apologize.
    Posted by heyimbren[/QUOTE]
    Actually, depending on the circumstances, I might have done it knowingly.  If there are a lot of guests on both lists traveling in from out of town, wouldn't it make more sense to have both parties the same weekend, so they only have to make the trip once?  Not saying that this is necessarily OP's case, but it just goes to show that having two wedding-related parties in two days isn't necessarily horrifying and wrong.
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  • heyimbrenheyimbren member
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_needing-unbias-advice-handling-bm?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:8e6c6f5d-ca80-4a8f-992d-d140f21d4994Post:d0411cde-0371-446c-b352-9463033ce499">Re: needing unbias advice on handling a BM</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: needing unbias advice on handling a BM : Actually, depending on the circumstances, I might have done it knowingly.  If there are a lot of guests on both lists traveling in from out of town, wouldn't it make more sense to have both parties the same weekend, so they only have to make the trip once?  Not saying that this is necessarily OP's case, but it just goes to show that having two wedding-related parties in two days isn't necessarily horrifying and wrong.
    Posted by aerinpegadrak[/QUOTE]

    That's a good point. I don't think it's horrifying or wrong to have two wedding events on the same weekend, as I said she only gets one day. I just said that I wouldn't choose to do that (in her position). But I think it comes down to the idea that OP doesn't get dibs on the whole weekend. There could be any number of reasons BM picked that day for her reception.
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  • melissamc2melissamc2 member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_needing-unbias-advice-handling-bm?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:8e6c6f5d-ca80-4a8f-992d-d140f21d4994Post:d0411cde-0371-446c-b352-9463033ce499">Re: needing unbias advice on handling a BM</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: needing unbias advice on handling a BM : Actually, depending on the circumstances, I might have done it knowingly.  If there are a lot of guests on both lists traveling in from out of town, wouldn't it make more sense to have both parties the same weekend, so they only have to make the trip once?  Not saying that this is necessarily OP's case, but it just goes to show that having two wedding-related parties in two days isn't necessarily horrifying and wrong.
    Posted by aerinpegadrak[/QUOTE]


    That is exactly what I thought when I read the original post.
    10-10-10
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  • SSaltzman87SSaltzman87 member
    2500 Comments Third Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    It's ok to feel peeved about it, but to actually express that to your friend was in bad taste. Childish move on your part, and childish for her to cancel it.
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  • imgracieimgracie
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Wow, lots of responses. Thanks for all your opinions.  For all those who read my post and think I'm a horrible person... the BM and I actually had a really great conversation. We talked about many other things besides weddings & receptions. And I'm sorry for the rant, because at the time it was written out of frustration (never a good idea) and I don't think it was written very clearly.  We are close friends and we are (thankfully) close enough to share our feelings openly. When we did talk about her "home" reception, I expressed that I was taken by surprise it was the same weekend of my wedding. I told her I wished I had known about it earlier instead of finding out through an invitation in the mail.... I told her that I understood why it seemed like a good idea and when she said she'd cancel, i told her it would be absolute nonsense to cancel it. It wasn't really about the shared weekend (although initally I was a little annoyed by that) I was more upset/frustrated that she didn't feel like she could tell me they were planning something the same weekend. I really do want her to be able to celebrate with all our friends from "home" (which i also told her) because many were not able to attend her real wedding & reception in part because of how fast their relationship came about. So I hope this brings a little more clarity and peace of mind to those of you have responded. 
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  • banana468banana468 member
    Knottie Warrior 25000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited December 2011
    Thanks for clearing things up, for the record though, it does look like you're back peddling a bit:

    [QUOTE] In the mail today I recieved an invitation for a "home wedding reception" for her the day after my wedding.  This really frustrated me! <p>I called to talk to her about it, because it really upset me and now she is cancelling her reception.  Which was never my intention..... and I told her not to do! But now I feel like crap.</p><p>Sooooo... my question to you is this.  Was it unreasonable or wrong for me to call and express my frustration with her?<strong> Is it wrong to want just one weekend to be "mine" for my wedding?</strong> [/QUOTE] </p><p> </p><p>If you didn't write that I think more people wouldn't assume that it wasn't a bit of a bridezilla move.</p>
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