this is really adding up

mstar284

So I know I have a while to actually make a decision about this stuff, but I started thinking about gifts and also what I would pay for to help my girls out.

In my ideal fantasy I would pay for their hotel room, hair, and makeup. I am not requiring any of this stuff, but if they were going to get a hotel and professional hair and makeup, I would like to pay (not as a gift--just because)

Then, I also wanted to put together a tote with some stuff in it that would be waiting for them in their hotel rooms--stuff for the day of the wedding. Nothing with Bridesmaid on it because they would never use it again.

But THEN,

I need to get them gifts, and I was thinking about Spa gift cards and a gift set of personalized beauty products.

Well I also need to get my mom and MOG something, too.

By the time this is all over, it seems I will have spent thousands of dollars. WTF? How can I narrow this down or do you have any suggestions? I want to do so much for my girls, but I just can't quite afford what I want to do.

Sorry this is long. Maybe I'm an idiot for wanting to do all of this. Surely there's a better way...

AutumnFair

I don't how many girls you have but couldn't you put girls together or have a "slumber party" type of thing were they have the option of sleeping in one room together with you? That would save a lot compared to buying each their own room, unless they have SO also which I can see where you would buy just one room for each person.

I would nix the gift baskets and save some money. But if you really want to give them something for their room I would just keep it simple and just go to the Dollar Store. For a "day of" kit, just make one for yourself and keep it at the location you/your BMs are getting ready at so anyone can use it and BMs won't forget to bring it with them (plus when it comes to day of wedding stuff, I always try to leave as much stuff that I don't need back in the hotel or home because it becomes a really big pain to carry around stuff).

As for hair and makeup, if you have a local hairstylist college near you try contacting one to see if they have anyone that would want to come to your hotel room or church to do hair/makeup for a certain rate. You might be able to save a lot of money that way.

If anything, I really wouldn't worry about hair and makeup, most woman know how to style it formal enough to look lovely. I'm no hairstylists but I can still do a few very nice formal hairstyles by myself, bobby pins and hairspray are a glorious thing. As for makeup, usually you have someone in the group that has a decent amount of experience to assists with any girls who want it but if not, you would be surprise what a little bit of foundation and eye-shadow does compared to no make up at all.

Spa GC would be cool but don't break yourself trying to give so much to your BM, make a budget and look for gifts around that be it the Spa GC and make up or something totally different. I would just be thankful for getting the room for free. I don't remember which person said it but its the "experience of being there" is special enough for me that I really don't need gifts. I

As for you mom and MOG, same thing goes. Most people I know wait until after the wedding is done and then give a photobook or digital photo album with the wedding pictures. I say a heartfelt card with a small memento be a charm or something would make most mom's happy.

aerinpegadrak

Thousands of dollars seems like an exaggeration.  I'd cut the "stuff for the wedding" things.  You can put together one "emergency kit", that should be more than enough for everyone.  Unless it's a DW, you can probably skip the hotel rooms; I've never gotten one for an in-town wedding.  For their gifts, you can probably do either the spa thing or the beauty set, I don't think you need to do both.

mstar284

I have 6 girls. I couldn't decide, so I asked them all (4 friends, FSIL, and my sister). So, I guess I brought it on myself.

All BM have a SO (most are married). So slumber party idea is cute, but I don't think it would work. I suggested the hotels because I didn't want anyone to have to drive drunk, and many hotels offer shuttles...most of the weddings we all attend, we end up staying at a hotel...but still not sure about this yet.

Hair and makeup--I'll just have to talk to the girls and ask what they want to do--if they plan to do it themselves. Most will probably want to do their make up themselves anyway, probably not hair though.

Yeah, thousands of dollars was an exaggeration...but it did seem like a lot of money. I'm just so bad at budgeting and finding good deals. I guess I'm not as rational as most when it comes to finances.

aerinpegadrak

Can you arrange for cab fare for them instead?  That would probably be cheaper.  Unless they have a history of making poor decisions in similar situations, I think you can trust them to drink responsibly and get themselves home safely. 

mstar284

Yeah, so paying for hotels is out. They probably would want to go home afterwards anyway. Surely as adults they can figure out how much they should be drinking to get home safely. A few may want a hotel because they don't want to drive an hour or so home late at night just to be safe, but that will be their responsibility to decide.
 
I was also concerned with the car situation. Some BM also have SO that are GM. We aren't all meeting at the same time because the ladies will be arriving at a different time to get ready, so that means some couples will have both cars, and if one is too drunk to drive home after the reception, they'd have to leave the car overnight. Once again, don't know why I'm worrying about this. I'm sure they can figure out their own driving situations...I tend to over analyze.

aerinpegadrak

It's nice that you want to make sure your friends are taken care of.  This particular thing just isn't something that you need to feel obligated to handle.  You can offer to be the point person for helping to arrange carpools (so, say, two BMs drive to get ready together, their SO's drive to the reception together, and then the couples leave in their own cars), or maybe cut off the bar half an hour to an hour before the end of the party so people have time to sober up.

trix1223

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_this-really-adding-up?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:918aac18-5009-4405-aa9a-466ff6782fb5Post:9a1c2a40-2f46-4682-b561-9259df90aff7">Re: this is really adding up</a>:
[QUOTE]Yeah, so paying for hotels is out. They probably would want to go home afterwards anyway. Surely as adults they can figure out how much they should be drinking to get home safely. A few may want a hotel because they don't want to drive an hour or so home late at night just to be safe, but that will be their responsibility to decide.   I was also concerned with the car situation. Some BM also have SO that are GM. We aren't all meeting at the same time because the ladies will be arriving at a different time to get ready, so that means some couples will have both cars, and if one is too drunk to drive home after the reception, they'd have to leave the car overnight. Once again, don't know why I'm worrying about this. I'm sure they can figure out their own driving situations...I tend to over analyze.
Posted by mstar284[/QUOTE]

I think you need to treat your WP like the adults they are.  Surely they've been to other functions where alcohol has been served and they need to figure out their transportation home.

I'd also skip the "wedding emergency" tote thing.  That's just wedding industry silliness that's been dreamed up.  I mean, seriously, does everyone in the WP need their own roll of tape, lip gloss, tide to-go pen, yada, yada, yada?  Chances are good that no one will need it, and it's just a waste of $$.

As for hair and makeup-if you're requiring it, you pay for it.  If you're not requiring it, then you simply say "I'm going to be getting my hair done at XYZ salon.  If you'd like yours done there as well, I'll be happy to make an appointment for you.  They charge between  $xx and $xx depending on what you want."

IMO, skip everything you're worrying about, and find them a personal gift that shows you're thinking of them as a friend, and not a member of the WP.

mstar284

Thanks guys. It just helps to hear someone else's perspective sometimes to understand the reality of things. I'm always trying to do too much. Somewhat of a perfectionist, people-pleaser. Your words have helped me sort through some things.

JennaV26

Regarding the tote bag filled with gifts idea: I did something similar for my girls and it was a pain in the butt. I got them all Vera Bradley duffel bags and filled them with cute things I could find (loofahs, shower gels, monogrammed stationary, etc.) and it REALLY added up quickly in terms of financial costs and time spent looking for the gifts.

I love your idea of getting them spa gift certificates. You could keep it pretty low cost and get them all at one time. 

GJMLucky

If you paid for all these things, it WOULD add up to thousands. Our hair bill alone for 9 bridesmaids was $750. I say, out of all those things, pay for the hair, make-up, and gift, and be done with it. Forget the other things, unless you are loaded and can handle it. You can even cut out the make-up as well. I had a friend come to the salon and do all the girls make-up, it worked out great!

MacFreitas7

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_this-really-adding-up?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:918aac18-5009-4405-aa9a-466ff6782fb5Post:8c8450ce-fda4-4ba0-8ae9-49e102af90ed">Re: this is really adding up</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't how many girls you have but couldn't you put girls together or have a "slumber party" type of thing were they have the option of sleeping in one room together with you? That would save a lot compared to buying each their own room, unless they have SO also which I can see where you would buy just one room for each person. I would nix the gift baskets and save some money. But if you really want to give them something for their room I would just keep it simple and just go to the Dollar Store. For a "day of" kit, just make one for yourself and keep it at the location you/your BMs are getting ready at so anyone can use it and BMs won't forget to bring it with them (plus when it comes to day of wedding stuff, I always try to leave as much stuff that I don't need back in the hotel or home because it becomes a really big pain to carry around stuff). <strong>As for hair and makeup, if you have a local hairstylist college near you try contacting one to see if they have anyone that would want to come to your hotel room or church to do hair/makeup for a certain rate. </strong>You might be able to save a lot of money that way.<strong> If anything, I really wouldn't worry about hair and makeup, most woman know how to style it formal enough to look lovely.</strong> I'm no hairstylists but I can still do a few very nice formal hairstyles by myself, bobby pins and hairspray are a glorious thing. <strong>As for makeup, usually you have someone in the group that has a decent amount of experience to assists with any girls who want it but if not, you would be surprise what a little bit of foundation and eye-shadow does compared to no make up at all.</strong> Spa GC would be cool but don't break yourself trying to give so much to your BM, make a budget and look for gifts around that be it the Spa GC and make up or something totally different. I would just be thankful for getting the room for free. <strong>I don't remember which person said it but its the "experience of being there" is special enough for me that I really don't need gifts.</strong> I As for you mom and MOG, same thing goes. <strong>Most people I know wait until after the wedding is done and then give a photobook or digital photo album with the wedding pictures</strong>.<strong> I say a heartfelt card with a small memento be a charm or something would make most mom's happy.
</strong>Posted by AutumnFair[/QUOTE]

I would NOT hire a Beauty School student to do the hair for your wedding. I made the mistake by going in for a perm (about 15 years ago) and I came out looking like Lionel Richie-- terrible. Splurge for YOURSELF on your wedding day -  you can be a nice bride and give the OPTION to your girls if they choose to get their hair done by the professional (they pay for it themselves).
I would NEVER do my own hair for a wedding... END of story.
As for make up? what is this "usually" stuff about an "experienced member of the WP?" Never heard of that - make up and hair can come from the same place... and they are BOTH optional for the WP...  I did my own make up when I was a BM.. but that's because I wasn't about to pay $65 for someone to do it when I could do it just fine... as a Bride, I will pay someone to do my make up to make it last and look bridal :) I don't want to look like a street walker trying to do a smokey eye on my own. haha. :)   You could ASK someone in the WP if they would HELP but it's not a "usual" thing...

 Keep in mind that WP gifts do not include day of Jewelry ( any type of jewelry that you want the WP to wear on your wedding day) Make Up, Hair, shoes or anything related to the wedding.... the "experience" is BS  in all honesty :) Shop for them as you would their birthdays :)

Seriously, what could you give your parents that would equal up to what they have done for you? (in your life, if they paid for the wedding, just in general?) There is nothing that you could buy them that could ever come close.
A REALLY nice photo book is pretty much the go to gift for parents... but you should really give them something at the RD... something to show that you appreciate them and to thank them.

HTH

AutumnFair

Mac, I wasn't suggesting that the Bride herself does her own make up and hair but for her BMs since that is what she is trying to cut costs on. As for those who can't do their own hair, they themselves would know if they can or not. So it is up to them if they want to go somewhere or let someone else do their hair if they can't do it (same goes for make up).