Lost it with MOG...

chicameeow

Hello gals,

My wedding is in 2 weeks, and my parents are footing the bill.  My fiance's mother is well-meaning, however, she has been quite overbearing throughout the wedding planning process (she has over-stepped her bounds MANY times trying to take control of things for the wedding).  However, as she is not contributing financially to the wedding (but is hosting the rehearsal dinner), she does not get a say in things like the wedding guest list, etc.

So today, she emailed saying that there is a last-minute RSVP change from her brother after we had already given our head count/payment to the venue.  I responded that we have already paid for this guest, but i'll remove their chair from the table.  (in that email, there was communication b/t her andher brother saying that "WE" are finalizing head counts so need to know this,e tc etc).  Then, she replied that, "I thought your #'s were due on April 15."  So.. I wrote back a brief email staing that yes, #'s were due today, however, as a courtesy to my parents who are paying for the wedding, we requested an RSVP from guests by April 2 giving us ample time to prepare (her family has been all the delinquent RSVPs, of course).  I don't think it's fair of her to be providing us with last-minute RSVPs, nor for telling our wedding guests that "WE" are making table arrangements when she is NOT a host.

So, she is mad at me, and thought that I don't appreciate her contributions towards the rehearsal dinner.  I did send that email while I was frustrated-- but, my parents are hosting the event.  I feel that she has no place to control RSVPs at the last minute, nor to invite/uninvite guests to a wedding that she is not hosting.

Was I out of line?  I have kept my feelings to myself this whole time, but I lost it today.  But.. I really do think she has been overstepping her bounds when it's a wedding paid for by my parents.

Eek-- I hate drama 

Thanks for listening!!  

Kniblet

Final numbers were due TODAY but you wouldn't budge.  Why?  In my mind, it was something small.  She didn't call next week and try to add 20 more people, right?

I get that your parents are paying for the wedding but the person you are talking about is her family, your soon to be husbands uncle, and soon to be your family.  With the wedding just 2 weeks away, this isn't a time to start any war with the woman that is going to be in your life from here on out.

Question:  How do you usually get along with her?  What's your relationship with her, outside of wedding planning?

GoodLuckBear14

I would appologize now.  This is not a hill that you want to die on and like Kniblet said, this is something very small.

vicki0508

I think you're overreacting.  What's the big deal if FMIL is telling her guests that "we" are doing seating charts?  So what?  It comes off as petty that you want her to specifically say "Chica and her family are finalizing the seating chart."  And maybe she thought she'd have some input over the seating chart, since she'd be a good source of information on the best way to seat her family.

The way you wrote it, I'm willing to bet your FMIL is well aware that your parents are HOSTING and PAYING for everything, and that you'd never let her forget that or act otherwise. 

And if I'm reading correctly, you found out today that one person is not going to attend who RSVP'd yes.  That hardly seems worth getting all worked up about.  Maybe I missed it, but she didn't add anybody.  She let you know when she found out about the person not coming.  Why is it her fault the person can't come?

Just keep in mind that this is a big event in her life too, and it does involve a lot of her family and friends, so it's natural that she'd be looking to have a little input in some things.  I hardly find that controlling.

chicameeow

Reading this, it does sound like a gross over-reaction.  I think for me it's the response to a culmination of things that have irritated me over the past year... and this was the final straw (as minor as it may sound-- 2 weeks to your big day-- small things can get blown out of proportion in your own head).

I'm definitely not up for a fight with her.  Honestly, I don't particularly like her, but I respect that she's my fiance's mother, and that I have to deal with her and be polite.  Our relationship has always been friendly-- we have VERY different personalities, so I think we are mutually respectful towards each other.

I'll probably just just drop this, and hope that it's "water under the bridge" after the wedding is said and done.  

Kniblet

[QUOTE]Reading this, it does sound like a gross over-reaction.  I think for me it's the response to a culmination of things that have irritated me over the past year... and this was the final straw (as minor as it may sound-- 2 weeks to your big day-- small things can get blown out of proportion in your own head). I'm definitely not up for a fight with her.  Honestly, I don't particularly like her, but I respect that she's my fiance's mother, and that I have to deal with her and be polite.  Our relationship has always been friendly-- we have VERY different personalities, so I think we are mutually respectful towards each other. I'll probably just just drop this, and hope that it's "water under the bridge" after the wedding is said and done.  
Posted by chicameeow[/QUOTE]
It's great that you allowed yourself to reread it and make a decision.  A lot of posters here refuse to even try.  And you're right, when you get upset and somewhat vent, you typically let it ALL go.

You're also right about the stress hitting harder right before the wedding.  It happens to a lot of people. 

But you will be fine.  Anything you THINK might stress you on that day?  Chances are, you'll never even notice it.  And if you do, you'll be smiling so much and having such a great time, you won't care.  That happens a lot, too.

On the big day, just keep smiling.  And remember, YOU may notice that something is not <span style="font-style:italic;">quite</span> right, but I bet no one else notices a thing...unless you point it out.  Just keep smiling and enjoy the day.  It goes by SO freaking fast.

chicameeow

You made me feel so much better, thanks!  I should have posted on these boards more often..

Honestly, I have been VERY low-key thorough this whole thing.  I wanted nothing to do with wedding planning (I wanted destination-- but mom insisted on local).  And, despite my attempts to ward off wedding planning-- there is nonstop stuff to do in the final weeks.. just gotta power through!

I'm excited for the big day to come and go.. and to be a married woman without the drama of wedding planning .

Kniblet

[QUOTE]You made me feel so much better, thanks!  I should have posted on these boards more often..
Posted by chicameeow[/QUOTE]
No problem at all.  Enjoy your wedding!