Moms and Maids
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FMIL dress advice

My FMIL has very different style/taste than me when it comes to fashion.  I am simple and solid colors while she is bright, shiny and colorful.  She told me she would give me final say for her dress, which I thought was nice, but unneccessary.  Now I'm feeling the pressure though.  A couple of weeks ago she sent me a photo text from a store where she found "the perfect dress" - aka my worst nightmare.  20 colors, frilly, layers, see-through in parts - you get the picture.  She is petite and overweight, but doesn't see herself that way.  Thankfully my fiancee helped me talk her out of that dress since I haven't even picked my bridesmaid's dresses yet.  Eventually though we are going to have to find a compromise.  How do I make her understand that my fiancee and I would like to be the center of attention, not her?  I want her to look her best while not being the focus of attention.  Please advise!

Re: FMIL dress advice

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    Catwoman708Catwoman708 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    edited December 2011
    You only get to choose your own attire and that of the WP.  You don't get to choose how other adults dress. 

    But because she ASKED you, I think it's fine to give her a few suggestions, or ask her to pick 3 dresses and then help her pick a final choice.  I didn't see where you'd put any wedding colors on your porfile.  It would be helpful to know what color BM dresses are. 

    Some non-committal answers that might gently "steer" her in the right direction:

    "FMIL, that's a beautiful dress, but it may be too overpowering in photos."

    Explain you've been reading up on wedding traditions and found that "It's traditional for the moms to wear solid colors, in something that blends with, or compliments the WP colors, without matching or standing out in sharp contrast."  Then mention several colors that would look good on her, and with your wedding colors.  Such as navy, blue, gray/silver, burgundy, taupe, purple, or lavender.  Those typically go with almost any other color.
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    edited December 2011
    The mob and mog get to choose their own dresses. They dont' have to match or coordinate with each other, the wedding party or the table cloths or any other part of the decor. They are human beings, not decorations.

    I understand that she asked you for your opinion and you gave it. But honestly, that dress would not have ruined your wedding. The parents and wedding party are not usually photographed together, so you don't have to worry about her clashing.Many years from now, when you look at that album, you want your MIL to look like your MIL, don't you? You want those pictures to reflect the personalities of your loved ones.

    And you don't have to worry about her taking the spotlight. No one will mistake her for the bride.




                       
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    edited December 2011
    Let her choose her own. She is not part of the WP, so she doesn't have to match. The main thing is for her to feel comfortable and pretty in whatever she chooses.
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    trix1223trix1223 member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Read Maire's answer.  Because she's completely right.

    Your FMIL gets to choose her own attire.  My DD's MIL chose a dress that neither DD nor I would ever in a million years even try on, much less purchase and wear.

    But you know what?  It didn't matter.  She felt wonderful in the dress, and she loved it.  So she was happy.   And so DD was happy.  And there's not a single picture ~not one~of the MOG together with the WP.  So who cares if it doesn't match or blend in with the WP attire?

    No one is going to leave your wedding saying "It was lovely, but I can't believe that the bride allowed her MIL to wear that dress."  Her dress choice reflects her, not you.

    This is a battle that is so NOT worth fighting.  Let it go.


    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
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    tldhtldh member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011

    Even if she is dressed to emcee the circus, let her wear whatever is going to make her feel great.  Her personality will be coming through in the pictures.

    image
    AKA GoodLuckBear14
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    edited December 2011
    You are going to be the bride and in the big white dress.  I don't think you'll have a problem being the center of attention. 

    Let her wear whatever she feels good in.  We all have our own personal style. 
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
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    edited December 2011
    What Maire said!
    My baby girl is a married woman...and now my baby girl HAS a baby girl. Time unfolds in such an amazing way. I've been blessed!
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    edited December 2011
    If you're that concerned maybe you could send her a few options that you think she would like with a message like, "I know you're still looking for your MOG dress and I found some I thought you might like!"

    Or not.

    Either way just let her wear whatever will make her feel beautiful. Trust me when I say that it will be better for your to have a happy MIL on your wedding day than an unhappy MIL, regardless of what she's wearing.
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    TheCranberryTheCranberry member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Since she asked for your input, it's fine if you want to give her suggestions.  It doesn't seem like she would be offended.  Could you maybe do a shopping trip with her and make a day of it?  It could be a fun bonding time for the two of you.
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