Mothers and Dresses

z155240

So my mom had originally agreed to pay for half of my wedding gown. So after going shopping this past weekend, I find a gown I like and ask her for her opinion (we live in differnt states, so this is via email). Now her story is that she refuses to pay for a dress that shows off my tattoo--a small backpiece in black ink between my shoulder blades! Absolutely refuses! And will only give me money towards a dress that covers it!

I tried to explain to her that such a dress may be hard to find first off, but second off, I thought it was a rather unsupportive thing for her to do after leading me on that she was going to help me out. I also don't think I should have to put make-up on my tattoo just to please my mother, but now I don't know what to do! I want to keep my wedding MY wedding!

stitchingchica

I'm sorry, but I have to agree too about the rules of accepting money. Part of giving up financial control is giving up choice control too. My mom is buying my dress, and that means my sweetheart neckline will be very modest as she wants, not the "sexy hint of cleavage" i had envisioned. Resolve it gracefully before it becomes a brawl and she revolks support on other parts of the day too. You may be the bride, but she's the mother of the bride doesn't want to lose face either- maybe you guys can discuss having a veil or a wrap so its covered during the service but you can have it exposed without the covering for the reception/dance. When it comes down to it, find a dress you love and maybe it will cover that area, or maybe you'll decide you really need the dress that exposes it. For me, I'm happy to make my mom happy. I have lots and lots of choices she doesn't care about that mean more to me than my dress's neckline.

hlq2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mothers-dresses?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:937d766b-965b-48ad-ba66-364b03c48afcPost:c3d1b7c9-20e3-4855-8a32-2eaf8334b5a8">Re: Mothers and Dresses</a>:
[QUOTE]First of all, it's not YOUR wedding. It you and your FI's wedding. If you want a dress that doesn't cover your tattoo, pay for it yourself. "She that holds the purse holds the strings." Say to your mother, "Mom, I appreciate your offer to pay for my dress, but I think I'll go ahead and cover that." Then you can buy whatever you want.
Posted by cfaszews25[/QUOTE]

This.  Exactly.

If you accept your mom's money, you accept her rules.

sarah42nd

I agree with the PPs. Also you can get your tattoo covered with makeup if you want to hide it . But I agree with the PPs. They get some say if there paying or buy it yourself.

z155240

Good point, screw it, I'll just work harder and she can see the dress on the wedding day. =P I'm not going to force myself to not pick the dress of my dreams to make my mother happy so I can save a little on my budget.

sarah42nd

Honestly . Paying for the wedding ourselves has been the best thing because I have heard so many problems coming up when people have others helping/paying. The only thing we are not paying for is the venue .

MairePoppy

As an MOB, I don't think what your mom did was fair. You're making the right decision to pay for your own dress and get what you want.

djoann958

I am also a MOB whose daughter recently got married. I think what your mother did was not right. My husband and I paid for most of our daughter and son-in-law's wedding and the money we gave them didn't come with strings attached.
We gave them money to have the wedding they wanted. We didn't give them money to get what we wanted.
I bought my daughter's wedding dress. She picked the gown she wanted within the budget that we discussed together. She and her fiance chose the venue based upon the budget we all discussed. They wanted an outdoor reception and the only thing we insisted upon was a backup plan for rain. My daughter would have had a meltdown if it would rain on her wedding day and there was no backup plan. We were just thinking ahead!!!
My daughter and her fiance chose everything- food, cake, guest list, music, ceremony site, etc. Everything. But we also had open discussions about budget and we offered our opinions on things (some were accepted, some were not- but that was ok).

Muffin'sMom

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mothers-dresses?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:937d766b-965b-48ad-ba66-364b03c48afcPost:d3c7bcfe-99c2-48c4-a74d-b431009eac7b">Re: Mothers and Dresses</a>:
[QUOTE]I am also a MOB whose daughter recently got married. I think what your mother did was not right. My husband and I paid for most of our daughter and son-in-law's wedding and the money we gave them didn't come with strings attached. We gave them money to have the wedding they wanted. We didn't give them money to get what we wanted. I bought my daughter's wedding dress. She picked the gown she wanted within the budget that we discussed together. She and her fiance chose the venue based upon the budget we all discussed. They wanted an outdoor reception and the only thing we insisted upon was a backup plan for rain. My daughter would have had a meltdown if it would rain on her wedding day and there was no backup plan. We were just thinking ahead!!! My daughter and her fiance chose everything- food, cake, guest list, music, ceremony site, etc. Everything. But we also had open discussions about budget and we offered our opinions on things (some were accepted, some were not- but that was ok).
Posted by djoann958[/QUOTE]

This....this is exactly what we did!