Mom Situation

karen.elmore

Cliff notes:  Mom says she is excited about my wedding, but is making comments and doing things that reflect otherwise.  Loves finace, but doesn't like the wedding planning process.

Full Story:  I have not ask my parents for any money since I started planning the wedding almost a year ago.  They are not a fan of "big" weddings and have been verbal about this.  Well, that is okay.  I am 32 years old and my fiance is 34 and I knew that I would have to take on paying for this wedding on my own.  Well, I have tried to incorporate my mom and dad in the planning process, but I normally get some sort of comment, slur, and/or a roll of the eyes.  They love my fiance dearly, but I can't understand for the life of me why they can't just be happy for me and what I want to do.  I am very capable of paying for everything and they know this, so I don't think that is the problem.  I have been seeing real issues with my mom.  I want to take her to see the venue and she makes every excuse not to come and here we are 2 months from the wedding, and she still diplays no intentions of wanting to see the venue. 

My bachelorette party was this last weekend.  I invited her, one of her friends (so that she wouldn't be uncomfortable), my friends, his mom, and his sister.  You could tell she didn't want to be there and left early on Sunday morning.  She then called me the next day and told me that she told her friend on the way down that she wasn't going to like any of the people there.  Who really says this???


I am so hurt righ now, but I haven't said anything because I don't want to start anything this soon before the wedding.  Any thoughts on how I should address this situation, if any??  I thought mothers wanted to be a part of this special day for their daughters???  Thanks for your comments/advice.

WhatawagSBNy

Maybe her idea of being there on your special day is just that.  She is interested in the play,  not choosing costumes, painting scenery,  or the cast party.

She wants to see and be a guest at the wedding you plan.

I think somewhere less than 1 in 10 weddings I have been in, or closely involved with planning,  the MOB or MOG have shown interest in going to the bachelorette.   The rest cannot imagine why they would want to go, or why daughter would want them there.

Not everyone enjoys planning someone else's wedding, even their daughter's.  Most mothers do not want to party and hang out with people 20 years younger.

Perhaps it is not a problem with your mother,  but that you have expectations that are not realistic for her as a person.

lalap69

Stop trying to involve her.  I think she's made it pretty clear that she's just not that into that stuff.  Hollywood and the media try to sell us on how weddings are "supposed" to be and how people are "supposed" to feel, but not everyone is going to conform to those ideas.  Your mother isn't a fan of weddings and wedding planning, and that's okay.  It doesn't mean that she doesn't support your marriage.  So stop involving her in the planning and let her just enjoy the wedding day.  You'll enjoy the planning process a lot more if you aren't upset about how excited she isn't.

quotequeen

People are different.  Your mom doesn't have to be involved in a particular way just because somebody else's mom is.  Maybe your mom is old fashioned and thinks that because you're older and established, you shouldn't have such a big wedding?  Maybe she's embarrased about not being able to help you out financially?  Maybe she just doesn't care about the details of a party?  Whatever it is, it's probably not personal, so I think you should just stop trying to get her to do things she doesn't want to do.  I assume you've already booked the venue, so if she sees it now, it's not like her opinion will change anything - maybe she doesn't see the point in that?

As for the bachelorette party, personally, I think it's really weird to have your mom and her friend there, so I'm not surprised that she would be uncomfortable about that, and not really want to hang out with her daughter's friends.