Back to Back Family Weddings

girl4182

I have a younger sister who is also getting married. When my fiancee and I got engaged she didn't have a date set but was considering Spring 2014. We set out wedding date for October 2013 as soon as getting engaged and started looking into venues and such. My sister decided to set her date for 5 and a half months before my wedding. and then decided to use the same venue I had chosen because it was a good price. 

I'm really excited to be apart of her big day and have made a big effort to be as helpful as possible. Taking my venue sucked but we found another one that worked just as well. It doesn't bother me at all that she's getting married first. I made all of her escort cards and tags for her favours. I've spent $150 in prizes for her upcoming stag and doe. I paid for the bridemaid dress. I'm happy and excited to do all of these things. I know that money is really tight for her with her fianncee out of work and having to raise her son on one income. I want to do everything I can to make sure she gets her special day the way she dreamed it. 

My concern is that she keeps trying to convince me to change my wedding date, change my stag and doe date (even though venues have been booked) asking to put off dress shopping. I'm more than happy to compermise or help pay for her dress if it's an issue but I get excuses like, it's too much stress on our family to do all of this at once, my mother and sisters can't afford to help me out after paying for her wedding, it's too close to her wedding date. I haven't asked for any help from anyone for anything and I certainly haven't asked for financial help. I really just want my family to support my choices and to be happy for me and to show up and be happy to be there. 

I guess my concern here is how do I deal with this? I don't think I should have to change the dates my fiancee and I chose, especially if there wasn't any conflict with them when we initially chose them, but I'm starting to feel like my special day isn't as important as hers. I've explained my reasoning several times for choosing and keeping the dates we have and that I understand her wedding is #1 priority, as it should be, but every few weeks it's been brought up again. My fiancee is getting angry about it, I'm getting upset. I'd like to handle this for once and for all and move forward with both weddings, keeping things as happy, exciting and as stress free as possible. 

OliveOilsMom

There is 5 1/2 months in between weddings.  You get one day and your sister gets one day, so I don't see the big problem with the current plans.  I could see if your mom was offering financial assistance, she may need sometime to recoup and save for your wedding.  But you are paying for your weddings yourself.  Keep planning as you have. 

If your family brings it up again.  Tell them you and FI have made a decision on the date, it is not moving, so there is no need for your family to continuially bring it up because you will not be changing your date.  Period. End of Story.  After that, just start changing the subject when they bring it up.  Evenutally they will get the hint that your date will not be changing.

SlothGoals

I think that 5 and a half months in between family weddings is more than enough time especially when the family is only helping your sister financially. Do you think your sister might be jealous that all the attention will be on you once her wedding is over?

I think you should call her bluff (especially with the dress shopping) and if she brings up putting it off again just say something like "I'm sorry if you feel that the weddings are too close together, but our dates are not changing. If this is too much for you or you feel like you can't participate you'll be missed."

Kate61487

5 1/2 months is not back to back.  1 week, maybe even 1 month between could be considered back to back, but for goodness sake there's a half a year between your dates!  Your sister is being ridiculous.

the next time it's brought up state clearly that the date is set and will not be changing and don't entertain any further discussion about it.  You're getting to the point you could send out STDs, perhaps if you did that she'd recognize that the date is set and stop bothering you about it?

As for the stag and doe  - is it before her wedding?  if so that does seem REALLY early.  If it's after her wedding I don't get what she's complainign about.

Other than that I'd suggest only talking to her about your wedding when you must.  Presumably she's in the WP and that's what the dress shopping is about?  It IS a little early for you to be looking at BM dresses, but the ideal time would be right before her wedding so I understand why you might want to get an earlier start on it.  Can you do a less 'traditional' BM look that would allow her to buy something off the rack closer to your date (i.e. any black dress) so she can focus on her own planning until it's done?

EK2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_back-to-back-family-weddings?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:991cae9f-16d8-48e1-ba47-d0db94ce7408Post:6956f266-9a41-46e1-b9d8-ac6fb50d1e5f">Back to Back Family Weddings</a>:
[QUOTE]I have a younger sister who is also getting married. When my fiancee and I got engaged she didn't have a date set but was considering Spring 2014. We set out wedding date for October 2013 as soon as getting engaged and started looking into venues and such. My sister decided to set her date for 5 and a half months before my wedding. and then decided to use the same venue I had chosen because it was a good price.  I'm really excited to be apart of her big day and have made a big effort to be as helpful as possible. Taking my venue sucked but we found another one that worked just as well. It doesn't bother me at all that she's getting married first. I made all of her escort cards and tags for her favours. I've spent $150 in prizes for her upcoming stag and doe. I paid for the bridemaid dress. I'm happy and excited to do all of these things. I know that money is really tight for her with her fianncee out of work and having to raise her son on one income. I want to do everything I can to make sure she gets her special day the way she dreamed it.  My concern is that she keeps trying to convince me to <strong>change my wedding date, change my stag and doe date (even though venues have been booked) asking to put off dress shopping</strong>. I'm more than happy to compermise or help pay for her dress if it's an issue but I get excuses like, it's too much stress on our family to do all of this at once, my mother and sisters can't afford to help me out after paying for her wedding, it's too close to her wedding date. I haven't asked for any help from anyone for anything and I certainly haven't asked for financial help. I really just want my family to support my choices and to be happy for me and to show up and be happy to be there.  I guess my concern here is how do I deal with this? I don't think I should have to change the dates my fiancee and I chose, especially if there wasn't any conflict with them when we initially chose them, but I'm starting to feel like my special day isn't as important as hers. I've explained my reasoning several times for choosing and keeping the dates we have and that I understand her wedding is #1 priority, as it should be, but every few weeks it's been brought up again. My fiancee is getting angry about it, I'm getting upset. I'd like to handle this for once and for all and move forward with both weddings, keeping things as happy, exciting and as stress free as possible. 
Posted by girl4182[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>"Back to back"--nearly half a year apart? I agree with the other posters that 5.5 months is not likely to be a significant imposition on the rest of your family.</div><div>
</div><div>Okay, so here's my two cents:</div><div>
</div><div>1) She's asking you to change <em>her</em> stag and doe party, or <em>your</em> stag and doe party? I'm going to assume she wants you to change yours, because if she wants you to change hers you should do it, even if it means lost deposits--just scale back on her party. If she wants you to change yours, <strong>remind her that she's under no obligation to contribute toward it if she wants to attend nor attend in general! </strong></div><div>
</div><div>2) Have a private chat with each of your wedding party members, if you haven't already, to set the appropriate budget for BM dresses (the maximum number is the girl with the lowest budget's highest number, and you probably ought to shoot lower than that). If your sister is worried about buying her dress, you can think about offering to buy it for her (but don't feel obligated). Also, if you're getting married in October, there's plenty of time to buy dresses. My BMs chose and ordered their dresses 4 months before my wedding.</div><div>
</div><div>How much will travel to your wedding end up costing your sister? Is there anything you could do to help make sure the stress on her budget is as little as possible?</div><div>
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