Mom demands her brother and his family is at the wedding.. Long-ish

asialee2

I have never had a relationship with moms brother, I don't even consider him an uncle... he has an old European mentality where women are useless and therefore has ALWAYS ignored me at family get togethers.. when I was younger this bothered me, but now I just despise the man. Not only does he treat me like dirt, he does the same with my dad and my FI, (shortly after we got together he was in a bad car accident and lost 1/2 his hand... and my moms brother was saying how he is not a man at all and is worthless,) so needless to say, the FI doesn't want him there either. ON TOP of that his oldest daughter is a 30 year old drunken mess who is loud and always runs around saying "I'M so pretty" and wants her son to be the ring barer.... this is a no kid wedding. I am not close with her either. The middle child I have been close with growing up but recently unleashed on me about how I am tearing the family apart, (I moved out of town and have not been to a family function because I have in-laws and we are creating our holiday traditions and to be honest I don't want to be around them.

Now my mom demands that they be at the wedding, (they are helping to pay for the wedding but its not solely them,) but I do not want to share such a special day with people who I cannot stand. I informed my mom that I would deck them in my dress if need be. my 30 year old cousin keeps bothering my MOH about the bach party as well, (a weekend outdoor get away not a bar hoping drunken mess that she would enjoy.) 

What the hell should I do?! I want to enjoy our wedding day but that will be impossible if they are there. Any insight would be great! 

hlq2011

In this case, I might consider refusing to invite him - with the full understanding that that might mean waving mom's money good-bye.  Otherwise, invite them.

And if you do invite them, just hope they don't attend.

And I would not invite the cousin to your bach party.

LoveMuffins

I def would not invite your cousin to your bachlorette party - although does she even know what it is? Because it sounds like it's not something she'd want to attend if she knew the details.

Because your mom is helping to pay, absolutely not inviting her brother to the wedding is a little harder. It's understandable that she loves her brother unconditionally and wants him there... and to be honest, is it really going to matter if he's there as long as you don't have to hear his comments? everyone will probably avoid him anyway and you can seat him far, far away from you. If you're really lucky, he might just say no to the invitation.

asialee2

He is an ass and would do it because he knows I don't want him there. His wife wants to keep the family together so she would also push to be there. 

My cousin would go to the bach party so she can tell everyone how pretty she is and she would find a way to to alter it into a outdoor adventure drunk fest. 

hlq2011

So don't invite her.  There's really no reason to, no matter how much she's whining for information.

AutumnFair

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mom-demands-her-brother-his-family-wedding-long-ish?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:99bb2e68-b195-410c-989f-98b446e3171cPost:3fe9ace6-9517-4411-b3bf-02c4b652ec3d">Mom demands her brother and his family is at the wedding.. Long-ish</a>:
[QUOTE]I have never had a relationship with moms brother, I don't even consider him an uncle... he has an old European mentality where women are useless and therefore has ALWAYS ignored me at family get togethers.. when I was younger this bothered me, but now I just despise the man. Not only does he treat me like dirt, he does the same with my dad and my FI, (shortly after we got together he was in a bad car accident and lost 1/2 his hand... and my moms brother was saying how he is not a man at all and is worthless,) so needless to say, the FI doesn't want him there either. ON TOP of that his oldest daughter is a 30 year old drunken mess who is loud and always runs around saying "I'M so pretty" and wants her son to be the ring barer.... this is a no kid wedding. I am not close with her either. The middle child I have been close with growing up but recently unleashed on me about how I am tearing the family apart, (I moved out of town and have not been to a family function because I have in-laws and we are creating our holiday traditions and to be honest I don't want to be around them. Now my mom demands that they be at the wedding, (they are helping to pay for the wedding but its not solely them,) but I do not want to share such a special day with people who I cannot stand. I informed my mom that I would deck them in my dress if need be. my 30 year old cousin keeps bothering my MOH about the bach party as well, (a weekend outdoor get away not a bar hoping drunken mess that she would enjoy.)  What the hell should I do?! I want to enjoy our wedding day but that will be impossible if they are there. Any insight would be great! 
Posted by asialee2[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Why in the heck does your mom allow her brother treat her family like sh*t? My mom would not only deck any one of my extended family members if they disrespected me but would refuse to ever be in contact with them unless they changed their ways.</div><div>
</div><div>In this circumstance I would take the chance of losing your mom's money. I am one that doesn't tolerate people who disrespect me or any other family member and would refuse to invite even if it did cause a "rift" in the family. Try to get your father on your side and maybe with an united front your mom will see that you nor your father will tolerate the behavior of her brother and family.

</div><div>As for his oldest daughter, yeah, she is going to be in for a rude awakening since you do not have to invite her to the bachelorette party nor do you have to make her son a ring bearer. Basically, whoever your MOH is tell her that you do not want the girl invited because you do have a say in who's invited. </div><div>
</div><div>The only caution I will say is that if you want to maintain some kind of relationship with the cousin you are on semi good terms then you will probably have to suck it up and invite them. But really, if she already is "blaming" you for causing a rift then I think she is probably a lost cause.</div>

asialee2

Mom won't say anything because when her dad was on his death bed, her brother became head of the family and the sun pretty much rises and sets out of his ass. My dad has talked to mom about her brother, but that ends up in a very ugly fight. 

My MOH keeps telling the older cousin that she has not started planning, but she will go to my mom about it all. 

We should have eloped! lol

AutumnFair

Your mom needs to remove herself from her extended family if that is the case. Seriously, your mom's family priorities are skewed, she needs to be defending her family not letting you guys and herself get walked on by another just because your mom's brother is now head of the family name. That is ridiculous. Your mom better wake up because you do NOT have to tolerate your mom's brother and his antics. If she wants to keep putting you and your dad and brother 2nd she is going to be alone one day.

Once again, stick your guns, I'm betting since your dad understands this situation he won't let her take the money away.

Also, if your mom actually gets peeved when your dad talks about her brother she needs some kind of counseling because no normal person would just dismiss their own husband and children to keep on her brother's good side. Good luck to you.

RebeccaB88

Elope.  It sounds like an episode of Jerry Springer waiting to happen.

squeakyduck

"Lose" the invation. 

GoodLuckBear14

Don't invite them.  If it starts a family feud, hopefully it will be the motivation your mom needs to stand up to her brother.  I cannot imagine any mother letting anyone run down her husband and children.  I am curious though, which culture your mom was raised in that the family has this mindset.

asialee2

Her dad was Serb, (and mom inherited the Serbian temper!)

I have tried so many times talking to her about how much I loathe them and how uncomfortable they make me, and they will ruin my day... ugh. It is so frustrating when mom wont listen to me or my dad. At this point it seems like we go around in a circle every time it comes up.

It's crossed my mind to loose the invites... may be the way to go....

Faburaw

Wow...and I thought my situation was bad, lol.

I absolutely do not think you should invite them, under any circumstances. Family or not, with that attitude, they have no right to share in your very special day.

Mom will have to get over it.

jcamm11

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mom-demands-her-brother-his-family-wedding-long-ish?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:99bb2e68-b195-410c-989f-98b446e3171cPost:cdbed81d-95d4-47f0-a768-98526700b7e4">Re: Mom demands her brother and his family is at the wedding.. Long-ish</a>:
[QUOTE]Mom won't say anything because when her dad was on his death bed,<strong> her brother became head of the family</strong> and the sun pretty much rises and sets out of his ass. My dad has talked to mom about her brother, but that ends up in a very ugly fight.  My MOH keeps telling the older cousin that she has not started planning, but she will go to my mom about it all.  We should have eloped! lol
Posted by asialee2[/QUOTE]

Head of the family??  What does this mean?

asialee2

My mom is 1 of 4 siblings with her brother being the only male... so when her dad died, the brother became the head of their family. Since then all the sisters idolize him and listen to him.. quite frankly everyone in the family does except for my dad and I. 

jcamm11

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mom-demands-her-brother-his-family-wedding-long-ish?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:99bb2e68-b195-410c-989f-98b446e3171cPost:cee147c5-08c4-4b02-a9e0-a13201c5216a">Re: Mom demands her brother and his family is at the wedding.. Long-ish</a>:
[QUOTE]My mom is 1 of 4 siblings with her brother being the only male... so when her dad died, the brother became the head of their family. <strong>Since then all the sisters idolize him and listen to him..</strong> quite frankly everyone in the family does except for my dad and I. 
Posted by asialee2[/QUOTE]

As in he tells them how to live their lives and they do what he says?  Sorry for all the questioning, I have just never heard of this before.

asialee2

He can just do no wrong, and when it comes to the 4 siblings he is the head of it all. 

chocoholic4life

The brother and his family sound really screwed up.  No wonder the daughter is a drunk who always talks about how pretty she is..."pretty" is probably the only way for a woman in her family to get approval.  I wouldn't invite them, even if it means saying goodbye to Mom's money.

botticelliangel6

We invited a lot of my husband's family that neither of us like.  It's just kind of what you're supposed to do.  Most of them didn't show anyway.  I don't think you need to invite his kids though - I didn't invite all my cousins and we certainly didn't invite his (he has TONS, many of whom he has never met).  But you should probably invite the Uncle.  Maybe mom would see that as a compromise?

asialee2

Ahhhh if only mom believed in compromises. 

sarah42nd

I would stick to your guns and not invite them .