Moms and Maids
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FMIL Issues/Vent

I really like fiance's mother, but she just knows how to push my buttons and I don't know how to deal. First off one of my bridesmaids and best friends felt as though she was insulted when trying on dresses because his mother called her "ornery" right after meeting her. The second conflict came about when it came to drinks because the reception hall sells and serves canister/fountain pop an it is coke products. Heaven forbid that she "has" to have diet pepsi and my fiance has to have pepsi. My fiance says he didn't care and that we would make do. So I feel like this is about her and not him. So instead of getting pop from the hall she wants 2 liters. Which to me is the quickest way to run out of pop. This came after she told me that we better not run out of food. The came the issue of mixed drinks. We are planning on renting a daquiri fountain from the caterer, mind you my parents are paying the catering bill. The only thing his parents would have to do is supply the alcohol. His dad liked the idea. She wanted me to ask the caterer if it was double sided or if she had a second machine because my fiance' one brother doesn't drink and he would like slushies. It's not his wedding!
Most recently it seems like everything I do isn't good enough for her. She even makes comments about my bridal registry and how the invitations should be worded. She even said a lot of her family probably wouldn't come to the wedding becasue they live 40 minutes away and there is too much time between the wedding and when we are eating. The wedding is at 1:30 and dinner is at 5:00. I didn't really have a choice on the wedding start time and don't want to eat too early.  I just don't know what to do. I have take to the point of just not telling her things till after the fact. Like I said earlier, I really like her, but this day is supposed to be special and I don't want her to ruin it. Any suggestions????

Fit to be tied bride.

Re: FMIL Issues/Vent

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    bethsmilesbethsmiles member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    You could stop talking about wedding planning around her. But you are going to have to learn how to deal with her because shes going to be around after the wedding to and things won't magically get better.


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    edited December 2011
    I agree with pp. Speaking from experience I have with my mom whom I don't have the best relationship with, the less she knows about my life and happenings for my wedding, the better. I know it is hard to be tight lipped, but sometimes it is best if it helps keep you sane. I would also be nice and when she offers her input, don't let her sway you if it's not what you want. Put your foot down, and say something like "thanks, but we already have decided that or got that covered, etc." Good luck, and like pp said, she won't go away, so you will have find ways to handle/deal with it.
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    edited December 2011
    This stuff is petty, really. If she wants to rent a second machine for slushies (or mocktails), let her.

    She might be right about the gap between the wedding and reception. They should be avoided at all costs. As a guest, I would prefer an earlier start for the reception, even if it means having the meal at an odd hour. Some of your guests might skip the ceremony and go directly to the reception. And those that attend both, will probably leave the reception early, because that is a long day.

    As for the rest of it, don't discuss all the details with her. When she offers her opinion, just tell her 'thanks for sharing, I'll keep that in mind,' then do whatever you want. Just don't get drawn into petty arguments.


                       
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    quotequeenquotequeen member
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    edited December 2011
    The only thing his parents would have to do is supply the alcohol.

    Why would his parents have to provide the alcohol?  Is that something they offered to pay for?

    She wanted me to ask the caterer if it was double sided or if she had a second machine because my fiance' one brother doesn't drink and he would like slushies. It's not his wedding!

    Does it hurt to ask?  Refusing to even consider people's preferences because "it's not their wedding" is a good way to get labeled a bridezilla.  You need to be really careful about the way you are interacting with your future family.

    She even makes comments about my bridal registry and how the invitations should be worded.


    Well what comments did she make?  If she's saying you must register for china and real silver, just ignore her.  If she's telling you to include a broader range of prices, you should listen.  If she wants her name on the invitation because she's paying for the alcohol, that's a fair request.  It really depends on what she's saying.

    She even said a lot of her family probably wouldn't come to the wedding becasue they live 40 minutes away and there is too much time between the wedding and when we are eating. The wedding is at 1:30 and dinner is at 5:00.

    What's wrong with her informing you of this?  A lot of people are very opposed to long gaps.  If that includes her family, wouldn't you prefer to know that they probably won't go?  Or that you should consider hosting something in between?

    Like I said earlier, I really like her, but this day is supposed to be special and I don't want her to ruin it.

    Nobody can ruin your wedding unless you let them.  If you are married to your FI at the end of the day, isn't that the most important thing?
    Married 10/2/10
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    edited December 2011

    sorry, slightly off topic but daquiri fountain??? 

    WOW

    want.
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