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mother of the groom and her dress drama!

i have a question. what do you do if the mother of the groom has bought her dress in the SAME color as the mother of the brides dress??? and yes, she was aware of the mother of the brides color...help

Re: mother of the groom and her dress drama!

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    edited December 2011
    You don't do anything.  First, she's a grown woman who has been dressing herself since before you were born.  Second, she is not in the WP who are the only people in whose wardrobe you have a say.  If you think your mom will have a problem, let her know so that she will have the option to change her dress.
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    edited December 2011
    You do nothing, because it's not that big of a deal. If your mom is upset about it, you can remind her that she will still look beautiful in the dress, no matter what the mother of the groom is wearing.
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mother-of-groom-her-dress-drama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:9bd28673-09f3-418d-9471-cfcf4d279a04Post:4c5db71f-4fa3-4be7-b4f4-5dbb99795aab">mother of the groom and her dress drama!</a>:
    [QUOTE]i have a question. what do you do if the mother of the groom has bought her dress in the SAME color as the mother of the brides dress??? and yes, she was aware of the mother of the brides color...help
    Posted by cork179[/QUOTE]
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    edited December 2011
    That's the issue. She is a grown woman!!! She called myself and my mother beforehand asking our opinion and asked what color we thought. To me, it's hurtful that she purposely chose the same color dress. I'm trying to have a relationship with her. It's hard when she doesn't think about how my mom would feel. Guess I'm more so asking how to not care so much and be hurt...
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    jenmitensjenmitens member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I'm confused....why does it matter? Unless it's a white wedding dress, no one is going to be looking at the color of the mom's dresses.  And in my opinion, if that is the biggest thing you have to worry about, count your lucky stars. 

    Yeah, you do nothing except tell her how great she looks in the dress. 
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mother-of-groom-her-dress-drama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:9bd28673-09f3-418d-9471-cfcf4d279a04Post:1e4ec00d-b522-4c37-ab83-4a3402bf9c57">Re: mother of the groom and her dress drama!</a>:
    [QUOTE]You don't do anything.  First, she's a grown woman who has been dressing herself since before you were born.  Second, she is not in the WP who are the only people in whose wardrobe you have a say.  If you think your mom will have a problem, let her know so that she will have the option to change her dress.
    Posted by GoodLuckBear14[/QUOTE]

    ^^This^^
    Don't assume your fmil did this to be spiteful. She may have thought she was supposed to match your mom.
                       
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    edited December 2011
    thanks.  you are right.  i just want MY mom to shine that day as well.  thanks for the input!
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    edited December 2011
    I have tried to assume the best.  BUt she literally called us an hour before she bought it and asked us about the color.  She's even seen my mom's dress.  Then after the bought it, she called my mom and told her that she regretted buying a dress in the same color. 
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    edited December 2011
    That's a little strange, but don't let it bother you. One mom doesn't need to shine above the other. They are equally important.
    Let both moms know about the dress situation, just in case either of them would like to exchange their dress for another color.
                       
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    graysquirrelgraysquirrel member
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    edited December 2011
    Maybe she thinks that is what she is supposed to do? My mom told me that back in her day the moms were supposed to coordinate. She might think that she has just fulfilled some sort of requirement. 
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    Meganr22Meganr22 member
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    edited December 2011
    I agree with graysquirrel. traditionally thats how it is done. The mothers are supposed to get together and coordinate outfits.  Both my mothers are wearing the same color, but in their own individual styles.  I'm sure she thought thats what she was supposed to do as well.
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    RebeccaB88RebeccaB88 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    Well, if she regrets her dress purchase, she can return it and get another one.  And still buy whatever she wants.

    Seriously, this isn't a problem. 
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    edited December 2011
    thanks for all the advice.  greatly appreciated :)
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    Cynthia1207Cynthia1207 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Have you seen the dress?  It might be the same color but not the same tint in which case it's really not a big deal.  There are many different shades of each color so even if her dress is one tint off, it won't look like they are the same color.  Also, are they the same material?  Colors appear differently if they are on different material dresses.  If the style is different they will look different.  No one will really notice the color don't worry about it.  I do understand your concern though. I want my mom to shine as well Wink
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    MobKazMobKaz member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    I recently attended a wedding where the MOB and MOG did in fact wear dresses of the same color.  The styles were completely different.  Because of the beading and other embellishments, the dresses did not "scream" same color.

     The only comments heard in regard to either woman, or dress, was how pretty they looked. I can assure you not one person at the reception spent their evening discussing it.

    It's a non-issue....unless you choose to make it one.
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    edited December 2011
    It's a little weird, definitely, but are you sure she did it to be attention-grabby?  Is it possible she thought MOB/MOG dresses needed to match?

    And ditto PP, let your mom know, she can do what she sees fit.
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    mariegramariegra member
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    edited December 2011
    Maybe she thinks that is what she is supposed to do? My mom told me that back in her day the moms were supposed to coordinate. She might think that she has just fulfilled some sort of requirement. 


    THIS....exactly!  That's probably what she thinks she's supposed to do.
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    djoann958djoann958 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Maybe that was the color she thought looked the best on her. I am a MOB and I bought my dress from a bridal shop. I fell in love with a dress in the sample color. I didn't want to try to pick another color because I was afraid I might not like it as much in another color (especially choosing from a small fabric swatch). Please don't make an issue of this. It really isn't that big of a deal. You have enough planning/worrying to do. Don't stress about what other people are going to wear- even if they are the mothers.
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    trix1223trix1223 member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Glad to hear you're letting this go.  Because it's not an issue.  It honestly sounded from your OP and follow up that you feel like YOUR mom should have a bigger presence that your FMIL.  And as a former MOG and MOB, that's offensive.

    I can tell you that the day our son was married was every bit as important to me as the day our DD was married.
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
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