Mom embarassed groom

mjbritesprite

I am looking for some advice. My parents have always been very supportive of my relationship with FI. However, recently when we were visiting them for my dads birthday. My Mom got very upset and confronted me about how my FI "treats me."

There were no specifics mentioned and my Mom has a history of being a bit emotional and irrational. I though that I had handled the situation but when we went in the house, she confronted my FI. She was crying and yelling at him and told him that she "does not like him right now." Her main complaints seem to be that he has a very sarcastic sense of humor.

Anyway, my question is about moving forward from this point. He now feels very uncomfortable being around my Mother and feels like my parents do not support our marriage. I am not sure how to fix this. I have spoken to my Mom and told her that she embarassed him and hurt his feelings. It does not seem to get through to her.

MairePoppy

By right, your mom should apologize to your fi for embarrassing him. You have told her how you feel and now it's up to her to handle it. Your mom has probably been biting her tongue for a long time and that is why it seems like her reaction came from nowhere.

Most of my family members, including me, enjoy sarcasm. We all realize, though, that not everyone understands that. So we are careful with new friends, such as my daughter's fils and some of our more delicate family members. Fi should learn that your mom is sensitive and does not take his sarcastic comments as jokes. There's a fine line between sarcasm and disrespect, so he should be very careful with his wit.

If the date in your bio is correct, your wedding is about 2 weeks away. I hope the joy of that occasion will help your mom and fi get over that uncomfortable feeling.

Good luck.

mjbritesprite

Thank you for the advice. My wedding is April 30th, which is why I am so concerned about this. We will not be seeing my parents much between now and the wedding except for the rehearsal. I really don't want things to be akward because up till now everyone has gotten along really well.

My FI plans to be polite when we see them but feels like he should be quieter around them going forward. I really hate that now he feels like he can't be himself around my family. He is a very outgoing guy and tends to be the life of the party. I am afraid that with him trying to be more polite, it may be misread as holding a grudge.

jerseydevil

Sounds like a lot of extra drama and it sucks that you have to deal with this right before your wedding.

MairePoppy

You know, if he wants to ease the way, he could send your mom a note saying that he loves and respects her daughter and is honored to be joining the family. Since he is the outgoing type, it might be easier for him to make the first move. Your mom might be very grateful for that olive branch.

ootmother2

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mom-embarassed-groom?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:9d463e32-ff8e-4815-b888-4c210f85144ePost:b9e9de3c-6c64-4962-b11d-c7f589f58fe7">Re: Mom embarassed groom</a>:
[QUOTE]I have to ask....what kind of sarcasm does he use? Sorry. I apologize again, but I have to ask. If he does things such as insult the appearance, intelligence, etc of others - that's not funny, and I'd be worried about verbal abuse if I were your mother. Again, sorry. That's a big red flag for me, too.
Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]


this ^

GoodLuckBear14

Speaking as a world class smart ass myself, I was wondering the same thing as Retread.

mjbritesprite

He is not abusive in any way. However, he does make smartass comments and jokes. None of my other family members or friends have commented that he is inappropriate and since this happened I have asked my grandmother her opinion. She thinks that my Mom is feeling upset at her last daughter getting married and he may have hit a nerve with one of his comments that day.

He has been trying since this happened to be more aware of how others may interpret his sense of humor.

phunluvin82

My mom had a similar blowout with my sister's husband a while ago over something small and stupid.  My sister thought my mom had lost her mind and couldn't figure out what had gotten into her that she had this big problem over a small comment.

In reality, a lot of things with their relationship, and issues with him in general, had just been building up in her over at least a year.  She had never said anything, fearing that it would only make my sister angry and cause her to side with him even more (which is probably true).

My point is that the blowup over something small, was not actually about that thing at all...it was about a host of things that my mother had been bottling up.  Not saying that this is necessarily the case with you...but something to consider...