How to let someone know she is not going to be a bridesmaid...?

jerseykate84

Ok, so, I am stressing out about this...

Some background info: My mom has a sister who has two daughters. One is a few years older than me and we are super close. One is a year younger me and we are not close at all. We grew up in the same town, and only lived a few miles apart. Our families did everythingggg together when we were younger.

So, I want my older cousin to be my maid of honor, and I only want one or two other bridesmaids (my best friends). My younger cousin and I aren't close, therefore the only reason I would have her as a bridesmaid is out of obligation. I don't want to have to add more people to my bridal party because of that reason, therefore I have decided to put my foot down and hot have her as a bridesmaid.

The problem is that when my cousins and my aunt find this out, they will probably be pretty insulted.

So how do I handle this situation? Normally, I have no problem speaking my mind, but this is sort of a tough situation... mainly because my cousins and my aunt probably automatically assume I will be having my younger cousin in my wedding and I know I am going to have to tell them otherwise...

=/

Helpppp!

AutumnFair

You definitely do not have to choose your younger cousin, but the only time you bring up that she is not a BM is when they ask. Other than that, they should not "presume" anything and will find out that she's not one when you start looking for BM dresses. I come from a very close extended family myself and when my cousin got married she had my sister as a BM, I nor my brother was apart of the WP. I was not offended because I knew I wasn't as close to my cousin as my sister.

The only reason to add her is if your aunt and cousins stir up drama which would be very immature of their part. 

Though you are not asking, if you would like to involve her in another way you could ask her to do a reading, be a female usher, or if she is musically incline have her play something. 

banana468

Could you ask the other cousin to do a reading?

Muffin'sMom

What Autumn said!

Miss_Sophia

I agree with PPs. You aren't under any obligation to ask your younger cousin to be a bridesmaid. I myself am close with the girl cousins who are within a few years of me but their youngers sisters are a different story. Since I have no sisters the cousins I have always been closest to were asked to be bridesmaids.

If the younger cousin stirs up drama about the situation, don't let it get to you. Like banana said, you could ask her to do a reading or something else during the ceremony.

AlmostMrsStrong

I was mentioning potential BMs with my family the other day (mom, grandma, and maybe my uncle? I don't remember...) when I mentioned that I had asked one cousin, who lives across the country that I've grown very close to. I also intended to ask my older cousin,  because she and I get along very well. My grandma told me she would be furious if I didn't ask my younger cousin as well. (all the cousins are cousins, so no sibling rivalry or anything). I like my younger cousin and we get along well, but she will only be 17 or 18 when I get married. How is she supposed to party and carry on with me and the rest of the BMs at the bachelorette party?

I want to say "screw it" and just ask two of my friends instead, but I know family is forever and I want to know that my bridesmaids are people that are going to be a part of my married life and not just memories in an old photo album.

AutumnFair

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_let-someone-she-not-going-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:9e9c7ba9-3d52-4b36-b5bb-aca2443c328aPost:0c388833-9062-4488-9b98-b2d40503048b">Re: How to let someone know she is not going to be a bridesmaid...?</a>:
[QUOTE]I was mentioning potential BMs with my family the other day (mom, grandma, and maybe my uncle? I don't remember...) when I mentioned that I had asked one cousin, who lives across the country that I've grown very close to. I also intended to ask my older cousin,  because she and I get along very well. My grandma told me she would be furious if I didn't ask my younger cousin as well. (all the cousins are cousins, so no sibling rivalry or anything). I like my younger cousin and we get along well, but she will only be 17 or 18 when I get married.<strong> How is she supposed to party and carry on with me and the rest of the BMs at the bachelorette party? </strong>I want to say "screw it" and just ask two of my friends instead, but I know family is forever and I want to know that my bridesmaids are people that are going to be a part of my married life and not just memories in an old photo album.
Posted by AlmostMrsStrong[/QUOTE]

<div>Well, there are many 21 under party things to do so she can feel included, if she was made a BM I would hope that your other cousins would plan accordingly to keep her as included as possible for the party (do some under 21 related stuff for a few hours then go out to bars and whatever afterwards). I actually have friends that dislike drinking and we've done a lot of fun non-drinking things for their bachelorette parties. </div><div>
</div><div>You and only you get the final say on who's a Bridesmaid. Grandma, mom, aunt, whoever can nag all they want, if you don't feel ultra close to the cousin you do not have to make her BM. Most people do make family apart of the WP to keep the peace but by all means, blood does not automatically get you a spot. Remember being a BM is to honor your closest relationships so pick from your heart who you want up standing by your side. </div>