Moms and Maids
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My FH vs Mother Rant

Ok, My mother and Fh fell apart due to a bad business decision, however no money was lost on both parts. I blame the both of them for being careless, and my mother is really mad because things didn't go her way. I love the both of them and can not put them in the same category. She's my mother, and he's my future husband. She is treating me as a child, to pick her or him. I'm a grown woman, what type of ultimatum is that. My mother doesn't take care of me. I just respect her her mind, but this........ No exception

Now she wants me to cancel my marriage, wedding, etc. She is now saying that my son doesn't like him and a man can never father another mans child. She is finding any and everything she could to say that he is not the guy for me.

It's funny because she was the one who told me how he is such a good man and father and he truly loves me. She was the one who passed down a $5,000 ring to him, so he could propose to me. Now when this happens, he is the worst man on earth.

She was helping us with a significant part of the wedding so now we pushed the wedding back to find a caterer, and all the things that she was handling. I'm fine with that.

The only thing that I'm stressed about now.... My mother is going to try to paint this negative image of my FH to everyone that's suppose to come on my side of the family. She feels that we can't have a mother daughter relationship if I marry him. I cried about it, I would love to have a good relationship with her, I plan on having more children one day, but I refuse to give up for what I believe in for this nonsense.

My FH is pretty calm about it, he said that he'll respect her and won't go around her, but he will not stop the process of marrying me. So I'm holding on praying for things to get better.

Re: My FH vs Mother Rant

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    edited December 2011
    Wow I didn't know I wrote so much!

    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_fh-vs-mother-rant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:9f01a129-e72e-4d5d-a8aa-b61335b039c1Post:b5b5b4dc-91ab-4546-bdcb-a43c09649fde">My FH vs Mother Rant</a>:
    [QUOTE]
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    tldhtldh member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    You need to stand up to her.  This is your FH that she is trashing.  Tell her in no uncertain terms that you will be spending the rest of your life with him, not her, and if she says or does anything to paint him in a negative light, she is jeopardizing her relationship with not only you but her grandson.  Maybe the moms can think of a gentler way to put this.

    I would be concerned though that a business deal fell apart in part because of your FI's carelessness.  If this is a character trait of his, mom may have some valid concerns - ask her to leave the personal things out and give you what she believes is an honest assessment of him.
    image
    AKA GoodLuckBear14
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    tldhtldh member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_fh-vs-mother-rant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:9f01a129-e72e-4d5d-a8aa-b61335b039c1Post:d42a9c53-e787-49e5-92bb-8bd67ef4989b">Re: My FH vs Mother Rant</a>:
    [QUOTE]It is amazing how a new grandchild can heal a split like this! 
    Posted by CMGr[/QUOTE]

    Do not have a new baby just for this.
    image
    AKA GoodLuckBear14
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    edited December 2011
    You need to sit down with her and tell her that you love her and want a relationship with her, but that you love your FH and are going ahead with the wedding on your own terms.  You hope that she can find her way to accepting both of you.  Then move on with your plans.
    My baby girl is a married woman...and now my baby girl HAS a baby girl. Time unfolds in such an amazing way. I've been blessed!
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    winston921winston921 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_fh-vs-mother-rant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:9f01a129-e72e-4d5d-a8aa-b61335b039c1Post:c69beb5f-55c7-4415-9216-821c2aca7b2d">Re: My FH vs Mother Rant</a>:
    [QUOTE]You need to sit down with her and tell her that you love her and want a relationship with her, but that you love your FH and are going ahead with the wedding on your own terms.  You hope that she can find her way to accepting both of you.  Then move on with your plans.
    Posted by Muffin'sMom[/QUOTE]

    Ms Wes, it's good to know that it's not just me who is going through this type of situation. Myself and my mother are going through something similar (I wont go into exact details but it's bad). She used to like my FH and in the past couple months has flipped the switch.She claims that his mom is "stealing me away" and  has turned her family against me to the point I  (and more recently his family) get harrasing phone calls (without asking for my side of the story & just to blame me for everything- all i've done is left the situation and don't answer calls).  I too also got the "its me or him"- I told her I wasn't choosing and everyone needs to get along. It's at the point where wedding plans are going on with only his family and myself. Maybe it's  my mom having a "my daughter doesn't need me anymore" switch .

    Muffin's mom- Great advice! That is definitely something I'm leaning towards doing. This wedding is happening with or without my mother.
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_fh-vs-mother-rant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:9f01a129-e72e-4d5d-a8aa-b61335b039c1Post:c69beb5f-55c7-4415-9216-821c2aca7b2d">Re: My FH vs Mother Rant</a>:
    [QUOTE]You need to sit down with her and tell her that you love her and want a relationship with her, but that you love your FH and are going ahead with the wedding on your own terms.  You hope that she can find her way to accepting both of you.  Then move on with your plans.
    Posted by Muffin'sMom[/QUOTE]

    Muffin is wise. If your mom wants to be childish then let her but don't let her bring you down. Tell her in no uncertain terms that you will be marrying FI and that is all there is too it. Hope for the best but expect the worst. She will not want to give in immediately; however I suspect that she will come around.

    On another note, please don't go and get pregnant just to "help the relationship." That is a stupid, stupid move. As it stands right now, your mother will probably blame him for "trapping you with a child" as you are "unsure with the marriage/engagement" (the second part being what she is thinking or telling family). It will only make things worse. Babies don't solve things...they usually hurt an already bad situation.
    Anniversary
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    kjreedkjreed member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I can sympathize with your family issues it seems a wedding just heightens them I haven't had to deal with this extent though.  You are a grown woman and you should already know in your heart if he is the right man for you, your Mom's decision shouldn't have anything to do with this.   If you chose to be with him and marry him and she can't deal with it that is her problem, she can't dictate who you will marry.  Take the high road and tell her to figure her issues with him out in the correct setting, a business setting since this is where all of this is came from.
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    edited December 2011
    Wow...I've been so busy working I haven't been able to Thank you all for your comments....

    Thank You, I Read Every Comment!!!!!!!
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