What are your opinions?

NOLABridesmaid

Ladies, I think I just need to vent.

I'm a bridesmaid in my friend's wedding. We're been friends about 5 years, and I'm happy about being in her wedding, except for one problem.

The tip of my pinky toe was cut off about a year ago(you don't even want to know.) I had some problems with my balance, but I'm now able to wear regular shoes. Thank Goodness.

Anyway, my friend picked out short dresses, and wants us to wear strappy sandals  The shoes that she picked will show all five toes, well 4 1/2 for me.. She knows that I'm self conscious about my toe, but won't budge on me wearing closed toe shoes. I've tried talking with her about how I feel, but her mom also agrees with her, and she says that no one will notice.

I will notice, and what if the photographer does one of those shoe close up shots. I would just die if she put that in her album.

It makes me not even want to be in the wedding, and I was so excited about it.

What do you ladies think? Should I just get over it or be self conscious about my pinky toe all day at the wedding, because I know it will take some of the joy out of the day?

I don't want this to make things funny between us.

mgietler76

I think she's being a little demanding here. It sounds to me like this is something that you are insecure about and she should back down and comprise a bit. That really sucks, can you try to sit down with her and explain how uncomfortable it makes you and see if she will at least consider other options? I don't know if I would drop out all together, but I see how it would be a bummer.

~~Busy.~~

I think she is being selfish, if no one will notice your toe, then no one will notice you weariing different shoes.

Also, can you post a pic of your toe?  It will help in picking out shoes.

AdeleDazeem

Ha - I really think I'd be all "Look at my toe!!  Isn't that nuts??"  But perhaps that's just me. :-)

You're concerned about it and that should be respected.  What would you be comfortable with?  Closed toe shoes?  Open toed shoes but a promise of no close up pictures?

Set your limit and tell your friend.  If it means that much to you, make it a final decision: "If you won't let me wear closed toe shoes, I just don't think I'm comfortable enough standing up there."

Of course, I can see your friend's side of things as "but it's just a toe.  I wouldn't be upset about it," but this is a little gem my sister told me one day: Yes, one day you should probably get over it, but if today is not that day, then that is just fine.

jerseydevil

I think your friend is being insensitive. It doesn't matter if no one will notice your toe, it's YOUR toe and it matters how you feel about it. You should feel beautiful and comfortable and no one will notice your shoes either.

I couldn't even begin to tell you what kind of shoes the BMs wore in the last wedding I attended. She should respect your wishes and let you (not to mention the whole BP) wear the shoes you are comfortable in.

TheCranberry

I agree with Joy.  Sit your friend down and let her know how uncomfortable you feel about this and suggest other shoes you may wear (peep toe, open toe but not strappy, etc).  I do think your friend is being stubborn over something that shouldn't be a big deal.  I also don't remember what shoes the BM's wore at the last wedding I went to.

Would you be comfortable putting a bandaid on that toe?  It may draw more attention to it, but then you could say you cut it or something, and no one will know.

NOLABridesmaid

Thanks, for the advice ladies. Glad to know someone understands.

Thanks, for the bandaid tip. Yes, I've tried that before, but I'm dark, really dark, and it just never looks right. You know, bandaids being beige, and all.

MairePoppy

ditto Stage.

The bride and her mom are being insensitive. I'd tell her that I can't wear those shoes, so if it's a requirement, I'll have to step down. I don't think the bride should pick out shoes for her wedding party anyway. Not everyone is going to be comfortable in the same heel height and style.

~~Busy.~~

how about you glue a tiny doll's head to the stump, you know, out of spite?

NOLABridesmaid

Busy, this isn't funny to me. You try dealing with only having half a pinky toe, when all you want to do is be normal. I would love to wear open toe shoes, but I don't like how it looks.

Man, I thought the ladies on this board were nice, but I see not everyone is.

~~Busy.~~

Hey, maybe your missing piece of toe is stuck up your arse.  chill out lady.

NOLABridesmaid

Busy, You really need to get a life.  I just hope you never lose a finger, toe, ear, boob or the like in an unfortunate accident.

~~Busy.~~

Listen, if she doesn't care how you feel and that "no one will notice" your missing toe I'm saying have some fun with it.  No need to be all "toe is me", oops, I meant "woe is me."

waltzingmatilda13

You friend sounds like a jerk NOLA. She knows you're uncomfortable and still doesn't care? I would agree just to get her off my back and then show up with different shoes on. What is she going to do, tell you that you're out of the WP 5 minutes before you walk down the aisle?

NOLABridesmaid

Thanks, Waltz. After Busy's hurtful words I was thinking about deleting this entire post. I feel so much better about the situation, and I will talk with my friend again.

Busy, you need to get BUSY and stop worrying about me, and mine. Don't you have a job or something or do you just say hurtful things for a living? 

NOLABridesmaid

Stage, what about her "toe is me" comment?

That wasn't mean?

MairePoppy

 NoLa -Not to be insensitive like your friend, but I was wondering if you get a 10% discount on pedicures because of the missing toe?

NOLABridesmaid

OK. I see this is turning into a joke.


END OF REPLIES

mgietler76

Nola - Not sure if you're going to come back and read this, but JIC I'm going to post it anyways. Don't listen to busy, or MariePoppy, they obviously don't know what it feels like to have something "missing" or to have something look a little different so it's harder for them to see why it's worth getting all upset about.

I have a friend who is the definition of accident prone. When she was younger she had her pinky finger severed right above the first knuckle and even though it was re-attached, it is very crooked.

Unless you know that she has a crooked finger, it's not noticeable. She is super sensitive about it and used to wear gloves when we were little. Even now she gets minor anxiety about meeting new people when she shakes hands with them.

It's easy for people without these "abnormalities" to say it's NBD because they don't have to deal with it. I'm sorry the PP's comments were hurtful, but try not to take offense.

waltzingmatilda13

I don't think anyone should be making fun of NOLA. We all have things we are sensitive about and this just happens to be hers. It may even seem funny to her at times, but since this is not one of those times, you shouldn't take it upon yourself to crack jokes.

aerinpegadrak

Wow.  Usually it's baseless when people call the girls on these boards mean, but come on, guys, show some decorum.  The poor girl comes here clearly self-conscious about something, and people are making fun of her for it?  I'm honestly shocked.

TheCranberry

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_opinions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:a1c226f1-d39b-49b0-90db-3c6fbd7376f5Post:70e31519-f42e-4507-89c1-6c8c60833c34">Re: What are your opinions?</a>:
[QUOTE]Sounds to me like OP already tried to tell the bride how uncomfortable she was and only got MOB telling her she was being silly as well.
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

I know, but I thought if she had another conversation with her, the friend may have a change of heart.  Sometimes you don't realize how sensitive someone is about things and just need another conversation to drive it home.  Maybe her friend really is a crazy Bridezilla who thinks shoes are more important than her friend's comfort, but NOLA could give it another try.

NOLA, I agree with the others though that if she doesn't budge you should just not be in the wedding or just wear other shoes in the same color.  I see you on the bandaid thing though.  When I was little, I didn't even realize that bandaids were supposed to be "skin toned".  Haha.

vannymuse

OP, if you do come back to this thread-
You can take the shoes to a cobbler/shoe repair shop to see if they can help you out. They might be able to rebuild or reposition a strap to cover your toe (and then do the same thing to the other shoe, so they match).

MairePoppy

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_opinions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:a1c226f1-d39b-49b0-90db-3c6fbd7376f5Post:c6f13880-1863-4459-a5d9-0fd67db71404">Re: What are your opinions?</a>:
[QUOTE]how about you glue a tiny doll's head to the stump, you know, out of spite?
Posted by ~~Busy.~~[/QUOTE]
Nola and Busy are visiting us from the Wedding Woes board. This is a prank. This comment went too far. Sorry about the pedicure comment.

AdeleDazeem

::trying to figure out who is kidding and who is serious::  :-)

~~Busy.~~

which one was dispicable?  There were so many funny zingers I had in there.

Also, did you read the entire thread before you pissed your pants in anger.  Nola and I are friends having some fun. Adur.

SSaltzman87

The fact that your friend won't compromise on something as simple as shoes is beyond me. Shoes are a VERY personal thing (I know they are for me), everyone has different taste- and not everyone will be comfortable wearing one style of shoe for many reasons. If she was truly your friend, she would've understood your concerns- which are completely valid.

I'd take waltzingmatilda's approach- show up in different shoes in the same color as the other BMs. It's obvious she won't be reasonable about this, and it's even worse that her mother agreed with it. You might have to take drastic measures about this.

lavieboheme73

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_opinions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:a1c226f1-d39b-49b0-90db-3c6fbd7376f5Post:501271f2-b52c-4dca-9320-0e51a505d53b">Re: What are your opinions?</a>:
[QUOTE]Busy, this isn't one of the boards I moderate, but if it was, you'd be banned right now. As it is, I'm posting this thread in the moderator's lounge and emailing Annie about it. Your post is beyond despicable.
Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]

Did you also send the thread from the Wedding Woes board?  There's a number of them.  Seriously?  I kind of thought most of us here were adults.  Who does crap like that just to cause a scene? 

Everyone was staying in their own corners, and no one was messing with any of you wannabe trolls over there.  At least have the class to apologize to the people who actually were offended, admit it was a somewhat pathetic attempt at a joke, and move on back under the bridge you came from.

By the way...one of my daughters actually IS missing a digit, her finger, and she is horribly self conscious about it.  Oh yeah, and she's Deaf, too.  I'm sure there's lots of fodder in that for your next less than juvenile prank.  I just wouldn't recommend using it on any board where you might see my name.

Butter Cookie

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_opinions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:a1c226f1-d39b-49b0-90db-3c6fbd7376f5Post:c3174148-b9a8-44d5-b6b2-e2ebc1d3d70b">Re: What are your opinions?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: What are your opinions? : Did you also send the thread from the Wedding Woes board?  There's a number of them.  Seriously?  I kind of thought most of us here were adults.  Who does crap like that just to cause a scene?  Everyone was staying in their own corners, and no one was messing with any of you wannabe trolls over there.  At least have the class to apologize to the people who actually were offended, admit it was a somewhat pathetic attempt at a joke, and move on back under the bridge you came from. By the way...one of my daughters actually IS missing a digit, her finger, and she is horribly self conscious about it.  Oh yeah, and she's Deaf, too.  I'm sure there's lots of fodder in that for your next less than juvenile prank.  I just wouldn't recommend using it on any board where you might see my name.
Posted by lavieboheme73[/QUOTE]

Because clearly they were making fun of people missing body parts and apparently eye sight.

My uncle is missing all his toes (IRL) and jokes about it. He would think gluing doll heads to his toes would be funny.

lavieboheme73

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_opinions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:a1c226f1-d39b-49b0-90db-3c6fbd7376f5Post:29871704-b07e-46d0-b956-ed5bf7cc2e04">Re: What are your opinions?</a>:
[QUOTE]My uncle is missing all his toes (IRL) and jokes about it. He would think gluing doll heads to his toes would be funny.
Posted by Butter Cookie[/QUOTE]

...which is grand and all, and trust, I'm just pleased as punch for your uncle, but not everyone finds that as hilarious as you and he do, and you never know who it is you're adressing when you come out with stuff like that.  No one asked for you and your troll friends to play pranks on them, and the prank wasn't appreciated.  Big deal.  Admit you were wrong and get over it, although I can't imagine why I would expect reasonable adult behavior from a bunch of unreasonable children.

amber2123

Wow, now I see why everyone says you guys are evil...I'm not coming back to this board!