advice please

mehgan11

Ok, so I am in my friends wedding who is getting married in about 5 months, very excited for her.  Now my issue is they have been arguing about everything for the past month and they are technically on a "break" right now, her words were they will not go back to how they were until he is perfect.  Right now I am just cocerned the wedding will not be happening, I just want the both to be happy with there lives no matter the decision, but she is going foth wiht wedding plans as they are on there break.  I am just concerned on purchasing anything or puting money down towards since I am not sure they will make it to the date and my money is very tight right now.  I guess I am aksing for advice on how to handle this situation, or if anyone else has been in one like this? thank you

SSaltzman87

I guess I wouldn't purchase anything/put deposits down right now until you hear otherwise. 

gailpete

If she starts pushing you to order a gown, you should express your concerns about whether or not the wedding will actually take place.  Ask if she will agree to reimburse you for the dress if the wedding ends up being cancelled. 

It's one thing to talk to vendors and possibly put your (the bride) own money on the line while trying to make your FI "perfect".  It's another thing entirely to ask your friends to spend money on a wedding that may or may not take place because you have concerns about an imperfect FI.  She needs to understand that and if she doesn't then as a BM you may need to decline being in the wedding.

RebeccaB88

If she's waiting until he's perfect, she's going to have a REALLY long wait. 

There won't be a wedding.

Allycat11

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_advice-please-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:a1c68234-6975-48ad-bf46-3c92d8ff97cePost:75eccbc4-e3ab-42a8-a342-432c1b517994">Re: advice please</a>:
[QUOTE]If she's waiting until he's perfect, she's going to have a REALLY long wait.  There won't be a wedding.
Posted by RebeccaB88[/QUOTE]

Exactly.  I love my FI...obviously... but if I waited for him to be perfect, we would never get married and vice versa.  Right now I would bet they will not get married, or they end up forcing the wedding and are divorced shortly there after (just from the small bit of info. I have here).  I say it is absolutely appropriate for you to tactfully tell your friend that you are not comfortable putting your money down for her wedding when she is not even sure that she found Mr. Right. 

jcamm11

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_advice-please-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:a1c68234-6975-48ad-bf46-3c92d8ff97cePost:c390b472-7d50-4fe0-a7eb-5599db672a02">Re: advice please</a>:
[QUOTE]If she starts pushing you to order a gown, you should express your concerns about whether or not the wedding will actually take place.  Ask if she will agree to reimburse you for the dress if the wedding ends up being cancelled.  It's one thing to talk to vendors and possibly put your (the bride) own money on the line while trying to make your FI "perfect".  It's another thing entirely to ask your friends to spend money on a wedding that may or may not take place because you have concerns about an imperfect FI.  She needs to understand that and if she doesn't then as a BM you may need to decline being in the wedding.
Posted by gailpete[/QUOTE]

All of this.

Your friend seems like she wants a wedding more than she wants a marriage.  This is actually kind of creepy/sad.

McKenna2012

Don't purchase anything until later.

aerinpegadrak

I would be extremely concerned that anyone who had called off a wedding would jump right back into planning before it's even been confirmed that they're back together.  It makes it pretty clear that she's more concerned with the party than the marriage.

I think you're right not to want to invest any money into this.  Depending on how close you are with her and how likely she is to hear you out, I'd probably talk to her about your concerns with the relationship.

mehgan11

She said they were on a break but never called the wedding off which really startles me.  I have tried talking to her and she says I dont know what I am talking about, even though I am getting married in a month. I would never want my FI to be perfect, gosh no ones perfect. If I wanted perfection I would never get married.  I want her to be happy but like pp's have said I think she is liking the idea of having a wedding not being married.  I guess i just dont want to offend her but if she cant understand the concerns I have viewing this from the outside I am thinking maybe I should reconsider being in her wedding if she really starts to push the issue of me purchasing my dress and such while there still on there "break", I am just not sure if thats an ok thing to do.