Moms and Maids

Bridesmaid

Thank you all for the advice

Re: Bridesmaid

  • edited December 2011
    If she's seriously addicted to pills, then you and the rest of that family have much bigger problems on your hands than her messing up your wedding.

    I definitely feel for you and this difficult situation - it sounds like you were trying to spare hurt feelings and inadvertently got yourself into this whole wedding party mess.  I don't really have any advice for you - since it sounds like either way, something's going to suck.  You're worried that if she's in the wedding she'll show up pilled out or seize, and you're also worried that asking her to not be in the wedding would be detrimental to her as well.

    All I can advise is that you guys get help for this girl, and soon - addiction to painkillers and other prescription drugs is a very, very serious problem, and this girl needs to see that she can't "cut back" on her own.
    panther
  • edited December 2011
    Nothing. There's nothing to be done. You asked her to be a BM and she said yes, so you can't kick her out now.

    You could try to be a good FSIL and talk to her to see how you can help her overcome her abuse issues. You could be supportive of her when she says she really trying to quit abusing and let her know how proud you are of her progress. But short of that, there's not much you can do.
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  • lharri12lharri12 member
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    You could kindly ask her if there is anything you can do to help her overcome her problems, and do NOT suggest to her that you are worried about her making a scene at your wedding.  It sounds like she is looking forward to being in the wedding, and you cannot kick her out.  She is going to be your SIL forever, so you should try to be as supportive as possible.
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  • AutumnFairAutumnFair member
    Eighth Anniversary 1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_bridesmaid-issue?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:a205446e-6754-401e-898e-e2bec852833aPost:37898807-93a1-4a60-8895-2091c810fad2">Bridesmaid Issue</a>:
    [QUOTE]I am good friends with my FI's brother's wife, so I asked her to be a BM. When my FI's sister found out that FI's brother's wife was a BM and she wasn't, she was very upset (FMIL was also very upset). Since she will be family, and I want everyone to be as happy as possible at my wedding I asked her to be a BM too. Now I'm regretting it and not sure what to do. I knew this before, but she has serious problems with abusing pain pills, pain, and health in general.   Before I asked her to be a BM (couple months ago) she seemed to be doing much better cutting back on the pills, talking and acting normal (not drugged out), getting her teeth/dentures fixed and just generally seemed a bit healthier.  But in the past month or so she seems to be going downhill again.  She's had seizures (some real, some not; none of which the drs can give any explanation for) and her back went out a week ago so she can barely walk and she's back on the pills full force again. Her emotions are completely wacky too, crying at anything or nothing. My mom says she shouldn't be in the WP; that she is more like an old woman than a maid. FI and his brother think that the stress (emotional and physical) of being in the WP may give her a seizure.   Yet, every time I see her she says "I'm going to be better, I'm cutting back the pills, I'll walk down that aisle, the dress fits perfectly". I don't want her having a seizure or standing at the front of the church bawling during the entire ceremony or delaying the entire event an hour while she locks herself in the bathroom and "gets ready".  But she's going to be family and she really wants to be a part of the wedding party. What should I do?
    Posted by ivy_leaf85[/QUOTE]

    <div>Like the other ladies said. You do nothing besides trying to help her out by being supportive in her trying to get the help she needs to fight the habit. </div><div>
    </div><div>FYI, family's well being always trumps wedding. My great uncle had a heart attack during the reception of my cousin's wedding. My mom is an EMT and was assisting him and the ambulance came to take him to the hospital. My cousin didn't care about anything else at the reception besides our great uncle being alright. After we found out he was doing fine, the party kept going throughout the night. You need to chill about how your FSIL may impact your wedding day because of her addiction and more about trying to help support her in fighting and freeing herself from the addiction. </div>
  • bablingbrookebablingbrooke member
    5000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    I see a family problem, not a wedding problem, here.  Leave the wedding out of it and deal with the situation.  The impact on the wedding should be an afterthought at best.  To complain that a seizure might "ruin" your wedding comes across as very cold and self-centered, though I'm sure that wasn't your intent.
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  • trix1223trix1223 member
    5000 Comments 25 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Honey, I'm sure you didn't mean it to come across as this post did.  At least I'm hoping that you didn't.

    Because your FSIL has a serious health/addiction problem, and it sounds like your MAIN concern is how this will impact your wedding ceremony.

    Your FIL's are dealing with an unhealthy child.  Your FSIL has more than a few health issues going on.

    She's trying~she tells you she'll be there.  Perhaps your wedding is the incentive she needs.  Perhaps not.

    But really, darlin' take your wedding out of it.  If this were YOUR sister, or favorite cousin, or best friend, what would you be doing to help?  Now~go do that for your FSIL and your FIL's.

    Stop thinking wedding party.  Think person.
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
  • ivy_leaf85ivy_leaf85 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    babblingbrooke is right of course. It is a family problem. I know the wedding is really just a side thing.  It's frustrating though and I really don't know how to help. My FI and FBIL have been arguing for years with their parents and sister that she needs professional help and they just won't have it.

    trix - your are right except were you say they/we are "dealing with an unhealthy child."  She is not a child, she is a completely grown woman. Which makes it all the more frustrating because an adult is responsible for her own actions. And all the more difficult to do anything, because as an adult, if she doesn't stop, no one can stop her.
  • trix1223trix1223 member
    5000 Comments 25 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    You're right, Ivy.  Chronologically, she's an adult.  But as a parent, my now grown kids are still my children.  So when I said her parents are dealing with an ill child, I wasn't speaking of her age, but rather her relationship to her parents.

    I'm really sorry you, your FI, your FI's family are dealing with this.  I can only imagine the anguish that you all experience each and every day.  And sadly, there are no easy answers for any of you.  I really wish you all well, and perhaps, some day soon, a good resolution and some peace in your lives.
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
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