Sisters of the Bride

acgirl

I am the mother of the bride. The bride and I are just starting to plan the wedding. The bride has chosen her bridesmaids and does not want to include her two married much older sisters in the wedding party, however, she would like them to be part of the wedding. She feels that she only wants 5 bridesmaids.  She thought that her matron sisters could wear the same color as the bridesmaids and participate in greeting the guests and in the entertainment but actually not walk down the isle.
What do you think in terms of wedding etiquette and also possible hurt feelings of at least one of her sisters of this arrangement?
I suggested that maybe her 2 sisters and her 2 parents could walk her down the isle but she didn't like that idea. Do you think the whole immediate familly(4 of us) giving her away would be too tacky?

aerinpegadrak

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_sisters-of-bride?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:a48c0e95-a391-4002-a7a1-67ccd248a7adPost:849f3cb9-cffa-43a6-8afe-ec48b2c133e6">Sisters of the Bride</a>:
[QUOTE]I am the mother of the bride. The bride and I are just starting to plan the wedding. The bride has chosen her bridesmaids and does not want to include her two married much older sisters in the wedding party, however, she would like them to be part of the wedding. She feels that she only wants 5 bridesmaids.  She thought that her matron sisters could wear the same color as the bridesmaids and participate in greeting the guests and in the entertainment but actually not walk down the isle. What do you think in terms of wedding etiquette and also possible hurt feelings of at least one of her sisters of this arrangement? I suggested that maybe her 2 sisters and her 2 parents could walk her down the isle but she didn't like that idea. Do you think the whole immediate familly(4 of us) giving her away would be too tacky?
Posted by acgirl[/QUOTE]
Your daughter gets the final say in her bridesmaids.  If she chooses not to include her sister for whatever reason, that's her choice.  I personally think it's sad if she's hung up on numbers or age or whatever, but ultimately it's her call.  We get so many brides coming here saying, "My mom is driving me nuts trying to force this girl I'm not particularly close to into my wedding, what do I do?" 

I think you really need to stay out of it.  If the sisters don't want to have to wear a certain thing to the wedding (which I think is legit, either they're bridesmaids or they're not), they're hopefully capable of saying no on their own.  And I don't think trying to squeeze five people down the aisle all at once is going to work either.

trix1223

If the sisters are not in the WP, then your DD doesn't get to tell them what to wear. 

I have to say that if I were told what color dress to wear, was asked to greet the guests and participate in the "entertainment" (whatever that means), I'd think I was in the WP.  I think your DD is being presumptuous to do all of that but not call them BMs.

If they look like a BM, and act like a BM, and have some "roles" of the BM, then they're a BM.

Tell you DD they are either BMs, or guests.  But there's not "quasi BM role".

If she doesn't want them in the WP, they could each do a reading.  But that's about it.  And yes, I think all 4 of your walking down the aisle becomes a spectacle instead of a lovely moment.  Sorry.

sister2groom

I agree with PP that the bride does not get to have people NOT be in the wedding party but still tell them what to wear. If I were made to "participate in the greeting and entertaining" but were not asked to be an official BM I would be pretty offended. If she wants them in the wedding party, fine, asking them to do a reading is also fine, but mnadating their attire but not giving them the honoring part of a BM is not OK.

The part about all four of you walking down is her decision. It's completely reasonable to not want 5 people walking down the aisle. if she wants it, fine, but if notm that's fine too.

vicki0508

I think it would be more offensive to ask the sisters to dress like WP members but not actually be in the WP.  Are the sisters even offended by not being BMs?  If they are, let them address it with the bride, I don't necessarily think it should be something that you bring up.  As PPs said, the sisters could to readings, or just be a guest and sit with the rest of the family.

I also agree that the four of you walking her down the aisle is a bit awkward.  She only has two sides, where will the two sisters stand?  In front or behind?  Then they look like BMs because they will be wearing the same clothes as BMs and walking down the aisle.  If she has already vetoed the idea, I'd leave it alone.

ETA: spelling

MairePoppy

Either the sisters are in the wedding party or they are not. She can't have it both ways. If they are not bms, the bride should not be giving them any kind of dress code. And don't give them jobs. Let them relax and enjoy the wedding.

Your daughter should choose who gets to walk her down the aisle. But yes, I think it would look odd to have four people escorting her.

mkrupar

I hope your DD hasn't decided not to include her sisters just because they're older and married, or even just because she wants only 5 people on her side. There is no age limit to a BM and having only 5 just for the sake of only having 5 is just an arbitrary rule made up in your daughter's head.

If they're not BMs your DD cannot ask them to dress as BMs. They are guests, and guest attire is never dictated by the B&G unless specifically stated in the venues regulations. Have them be readers. There is no need for 4 people to walk her down the aisle.

Muffin'sMom

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_sisters-of-bride?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:a48c0e95-a391-4002-a7a1-67ccd248a7adPost:2aa15bd5-d7c8-41d5-b88c-3efc6e66b66d">Re: Sisters of the Bride</a>:
[QUOTE]If the sisters are not in the WP, then your DD doesn't get to tell them what to wear.  I have to say that if I were told what color dress to wear, was asked to greet the guests and participate in the "entertainment" (whatever that means), I'd think I was in the WP.  I think your DD is being presumptuous to do all of that but not call them BMs. If they look like a BM, and act like a BM, and have some "roles" of the BM, then they're a BM. Tell you DD they are either BMs, or guests.  But there's not "quasi BM role". If she doesn't want them in the WP, they could each do a reading.  But that's about it.  And yes, I think all 4 of your walking down the aisle becomes a spectacle instead of a lovely moment.  Sorry.
Posted by trix1223[/QUOTE]

This...exactly...from another MOB.  It's her decision, but that promises to be a hot mess.

RebeccaB88

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_sisters-of-bride?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:a48c0e95-a391-4002-a7a1-67ccd248a7adPost:4b545bb3-f002-4733-828f-6dcaccaedf08">Re: Sisters of the Bride</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Sisters of the Bride : We get so many brides coming here saying, "My mom is driving me nuts trying to force this girl I'm not particularly close to into my wedding, what do I do?"  I think you really need to stay out of it.  Posted by aerinpegadrak[/QUOTE]

Ditto this.  Read through the boards (especially this one) and see just how many moms end up being cut out of wedding planning altogether, because they make such royal pests of themselves trying to force their daughters to do something they really don't want to do.  While I don't think she should be hung up on an arbitrary number or age, if she is, there really isn't anything you can do about it.  Butt out before you create a rift between you and your daughter.  This is between her and her sisters.  If they aren't bridesmaids, they can come and enjoy the celebration (which a lot of the time is more fun than being in the wedding).