problem bridesmaids!

garggrl

I'm having an issue with one of my bridesmaids. This bridesmaid is married, and I was in her wedding a few years ago. For her wedding, no one had a say in her wedding except her. Which, I think is understandable, but she was a total bride-zilla about it.
Well anyways, the bridesmaid ordered their dresses months ago, I had looked all around my city going to bridal stores to find a few dresses that were cute and I like. I found pictures online and sent out an email to my bridesmaids, and they pick the dress. No problem there.
For the shoes, it's a totally different story for some reason. I told them that they can pick out the shoes, as long as all of the girls agreed, and of course I agreed too. I thought, since my wedding is under 100 days away, I'd drive 2 hours to deliver their dresses(they live 2 hours away from me) and have a girls day and go shoe shopping. This way it's easy for them and they have plenty of time to get their dress altered and no one has to worry about it till the wedding day. But the day before I was supposed to go there, they decided they were too busy. So I said ok I'll come down another time, no problem.
The other day, 2 of my bridesmaids found a pair of shoes for $20 and sent me a picture of them. I honestly told them how I felt about them, which was "one they don't match the dress(because are leather, and the dresses are fancy), two they weren't anything special(they were kind of boring, plain black leather peep toes), and three they didn't match the feel of my wedding(since it is my wedding ya know)." They ended up calling me mean names and were just being bad bridesmaids.
I thought about it, and came up with, what I thought was a good solution, which was to set a date(so my MOH who lives in AZ will be in town), meet half way and go shoe shopping. This solution didn't work for the bridesmaids either, because "they're are too busy". I understand people being busy, because I am busy too, but at the same time, it will take a few hours at most and then we're done till the wedding.
So my final solution is everyone except my MOH(she is coming in town in a week) will get theirs on thanksgiving since they can't find time to come get them.
This whole time, I've been going out of my way to try and make it easy on them, because I know they're busy, and this is what I get.

Does anyone have any advice on how to handle this issue and this problem bridemaid?
please help!

lalap69

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_problem-bridesmaids?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:a5d9df30-b76a-44e3-84d2-d22171d4fc3ePost:c86ac3d6-54bf-4821-926f-3836f22f3dbf">problem bridesmaids!</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm having an issue with one of my bridesmaids. This bridesmaid is married, and I was in her wedding a few years ago. For her wedding, no one had a say in her wedding except her. Which, I think is understandable, but she was a total bride-zilla about it. Well anyways, the bridesmaid ordered their dresses months ago, I had looked all around my city going to bridal stores to find a few dresses that were cute and I like. I found pictures online and sent out an email to my bridesmaids, and they pick the dress. No problem there. For the shoes, it's a totally different story for some reason. I told them that they can pick out the shoes, as long as all of the girls agreed, and of course I agreed too. I thought, since my wedding is under 100 days away, I'd drive 2 hours to deliver their dresses(they live 2 hours away from me) and have a girls day and go shoe shopping. This way it's easy for them and they have plenty of time to get their dress altered and no one has to worry about it till the wedding day. But the day before I was supposed to go there, they decided they were too busy. So I said ok I'll come down another time, no problem. The other day, 2 of my bridesmaids found a pair of shoes for $20 and sent me a picture of them. I honestly told them how I felt about them, which was "one they don't match the dress(because are leather, and the dresses are fancy), two they weren't anything special(they were kind of boring, plain black leather peep toes), and three they didn't match the feel of my wedding(since it is my wedding ya know)." They ended up calling me mean names and were just being bad bridesmaids. I thought about it, and came up with, what I thought was a good solution, which was to set a date(so my MOH who lives in AZ will be in town), meet half way and go shoe shopping. This solution didn't work for the bridesmaids either, because "they're are too busy". I understand people being busy, because I am busy too, but at the same time, it will take a few hours at most and then we're done till the wedding. So my final solution is everyone except my MOH(she is coming in town in a week) will get theirs on thanksgiving since they can't find time to come get them. This whole time, I've been going out of my way to try and make it easy on them, because I know they're busy, and this is what I get. :/ Does anyone have any advice on how to handle this issue and this problem bridemaid? please help!
Posted by garggrl[/QUOTE]
Yeah, don't dictate their shoes.  Bam, problem solved!

Finding a shoe that all of them will like and find comfortable is a tall order.  And no one will even look at their feet.  Just tell them "any formal silver shoe" or whatever and let it go.  You're overthinking this and micro-managing them.  I wouldn't want to drive an hour or two to look at shoes with you either.

garggrl

It's not just for their shoes, it's for their dress too, since me offering to drive 2 hours to deliver their dresses is still to hard for them. And it's that I've worked really hard to try and make things easy for them, and they can't see that or realize that is what is bothering me. And it's not like I have a lot of BMs, there is only four, 3 of which are family and one who is like my sister, who drives over 6 hours at least every 6 weeks to help me as much as she can. But they can't even drive 2 hours, or even find a few hours to meet up and get THEIR dress when I offer to drive down.
And my future husband and I would like for their shoes to match. Alos, I am not dictating their shoes, I am letting them pick, but I just would like to approve of them before they buy them.

tidetravel

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_problem-bridesmaids?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:a5d9df30-b76a-44e3-84d2-d22171d4fc3ePost:c86ac3d6-54bf-4821-926f-3836f22f3dbf">problem bridesmaids!</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm having an issue with one of my bridesmaids. This bridesmaid is married, and I was in her wedding a few years ago. For her wedding, no one had a say in her wedding except her. Which, I think is understandable, but she was a total bride-zilla about it. Well anyways, the bridesmaid ordered their dresses months ago, I had looked all around my city going to bridal stores to find a few dresses that were cute and I like. I found pictures online and sent out an email to my bridesmaids, and they pick the dress. No problem there. For the shoes, it's a totally different story for some reason. I told them that they can pick out the shoes, as long as all of the girls agreed, and of course I agreed too. I thought, since my wedding is under 100 days away, I'd drive 2 hours to deliver their dresses(they live 2 hours away from me) and have a girls day and go shoe shopping. This way it's easy for them and they have plenty of time to get their dress altered and no one has to worry about it till the wedding day. But the day before I was supposed to go there, they decided they were too busy. So I said ok I'll come down another time, no problem. The other day, 2 of my bridesmaids found a pair of shoes for $20 and sent me a picture of them. I honestly told them how I felt about them, which was <strong>"one they don't match the dress(because are leather, and the dresses are fancy), two they weren't anything special(they were kind of boring, plain black leather peep toes), and three they didn't match the feel of my wedding(since it is my wedding ya know)." They ended up calling me mean names and were just being bad bridesmaids</strong>. I thought about it, and came up with, what I thought was a good solution, which was to set a date(so my MOH who lives in AZ will be in town), meet half way and go shoe shopping. This solution didn't work for the bridesmaids either, because "they're are too busy". I understand people being busy, because I am busy too, but at the same time, it will take a few hours at most and then we're done till the wedding. So my final solution is everyone except my MOH(she is coming in town in a week) will get theirs on thanksgiving since they can't find time to come get them. This whole time, I've been going out of my way to try and make it easy on them, because I know they're busy, and this is what I get. :/ Does anyone have any advice on how to handle this issue and this problem bridemaid? please help!
Posted by garggrl[/QUOTE]

No.  You were being a bad friend.  They're shoes, FFS.  No one will be looking at their feet.  20 years down the road, if you're looking at your wedding pictures and focusing on their shoes, your priorities were in the wrong place the whole time.

Let them get whatever shoes they feel comfortable in and can afford.  Are you willing to ruin your friendships over a $20 pair of black leather pumps? 

jagore08

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_problem-bridesmaids?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:a5d9df30-b76a-44e3-84d2-d22171d4fc3ePost:c86ac3d6-54bf-4821-926f-3836f22f3dbf">problem bridesmaids!</a>:
[QUOTE]Does anyone have any advice on how to handle this issue and this problem bridemaid? please help!
Posted by garggrl[/QUOTE]

<div>Yes, let them choose their own shoes.  If you really want a cohesive look then ask them to wear shoes in the same color (I did champagne or gold).  They are the ones that have to wear the shoes and not everyone's feet will be comfortable in the same shoe.</div>

kebmtm071605

You need to get past this.  What is on their feet will NOT matter.  This is not a fight worth having.

marissa_claire

I think if you're being reasonable then it's okay to dictate shoes.  I would just direct them to the formal wear section of shoes, because those tend to be strappy and dressy.  I think that would solve the problem.

Why don't you wait a bit to deliver the dresses?  They might just be busy for now.  And even then, can't you just meet up with one and give her 3 dresses and have her be in charge of giving them to the others? 

I don't think you're being bridezilla.  As long as you're still being a good friend and wanting to see them just to hang out in general, then I think they should try to make time for their good friend as well.

RosenB

Let them pick out their own shoes. Give them a color and call it a day. I have been in 3 weddings where the bride has dictated shoes, and they are all sitting at the bottom of my closet collecting dust..(they aren't even worthy enough to be on my shoe shelf, that's how hideous they are). Be a GOOD FRIEND and let them wear whatever they want on THEIR feet. And it's not your FH's decision to make. They are your BM's. He needs to focus on his Groomsmen not your BM's.

SSaltzman87

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_problem-bridesmaids?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:a5d9df30-b76a-44e3-84d2-d22171d4fc3ePost:5e767ab3-5298-40de-86a2-dcd1143844a8">Re: problem bridesmaids!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to problem bridesmaids! : Yeah, don't dictate their shoes.  Bam, problem solved! Finding a shoe that all of them will like and find comfortable is a tall order.  And no one will even look at their feet.  Just tell them "any formal silver shoe" or whatever and let it go.  You're overthinking this and micro-managing them.  I wouldn't want to drive an hour or two to look at shoes with you either.
Posted by lalap69[/QUOTE]

Exactly. They're just shoes, sheesh.

CaseyandSalley

no one will care about the shoes, you need to meet with them in the middle on this one.

my girls can wear boots flip flops or tennis shoes for all I care. I just want them to be comfortable.

jerseydevil

Give me a second to think about what shoes the bridesmaids were wearing at the last wedding I went to....

Oh yeah... I don't remember!

Just give them a guideline as PPs suggested and focus more on being their friend. Offer to drive out to them as you planned, but to spend quality time with them NOT to do wedding stuff! No one is as wrapped up in your wedding as you are - just remember that as you plan. Don't mean to sound harsh, but I feel that to call people "bad bridesmaids" is in poor taste and suggests that if they don't just go along with any little thing you want they are behaving poorly.

TheCranberry

I think you will be doing yourself a favor if you just tell them to pick out a silver strappy heel (or whatever), and call it a day.  Then they can pick out their own shoes on their own time and spend whatever the want to spend on them.  And you won't have to worry about coordinating 5 different schedules and 5 different opinions to pick out shoes. 

As for delivering the dresses, if they all live in the same area, choose a day when most people are available and deliver the dresses.  If one girl can't make it, leave her dress with one of your friends so they can make arrangements to pick it up later.  They're adults.  If she wants to be on your wedding and has already paid for the dress, she'll arrange to pick it up.

aerinpegadrak

I couldn't even tell you what shoes my bridesmaids wore.  Oh yeah, my one sister got really excited when she found flats that matched the guys' spectator shoes, and my other sister wore sequined zebra flats.  I remember the latter because they were awesome.  The former wore them for the photo tour, but decided they were uncomfortable and switched into flip-flops for the ceremony and reception.  But I only remember those because of the circumstances around them.

No one will even remotely care what sort of shoes your bridesmaids are in.  Not even you.  Just give them some basic guidelines and let them choose somethng comfortable, everyone will be much happier.

As far as the dresses, why do you have to hand deliver them?  There's this great new invention called the post office, or you could even be daring and try those newfangled UPS or FedEx places.

lalap69

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_problem-bridesmaids?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:a5d9df30-b76a-44e3-84d2-d22171d4fc3ePost:ee23a91f-e702-4070-b021-82a3a6bff64c">Re: problem bridesmaids!</a>:
[QUOTE]It's not just for their shoes, it's for their dress too, since me offering to drive 2 hours to deliver their dresses is still to hard for them. And it's that I've worked really hard to try and make things easy for them, and they can't see that or realize that is what is bothering me. And it's not like I have a lot of BMs, there is only four, 3 of which are family and one who is like my sister, who drives over 6 hours at least every 6 weeks to help me as much as she can. But they can't even drive 2 hours, or even find a few hours to meet up and get THEIR dress when I offer to drive down. And my future husband and I would like for their shoes to match. Alos, I am not dictating their shoes, I am letting them pick, but I just would like to approve of them before they buy them.
Posted by garggrl[/QUOTE]
Honestly, your wedding SHOULD be easy for your bm's.  They are doing something for you by standing up in it - they are buying dresses and taking time out of their lives.  The number of bm's has no bearing on this.  If they absolutely can't meet you, just drop off the dresses at their homes.

Also, the fact that you and your FI are on the same page about treating your bm's like crap, hardly excuses it.  THEIR SHOES DO NOT NEED TO MATCH.  I think the fact that they chose $20 sheos the first go round, probably the cheapest they could find, says a lot.  They've already paid for their dresses, the might not be able to afford paying for new shoes as well.  I'll say it again.  Just choose a colour and let them pick their own shoes.  This means they might even get to use shoes they already own.  You WON'T notice their shoes on your wedding day.  (And if you do, I think your priorities need some serious work.)

mrabbito

it's rare that i agree with everyone in here, but i totally agree.  think back to the last wedding you attended and if you remember the BM's shoes.  I think dictating the color is absolutely appropriate, but if someone already owns a black strappy shoe then great! 

I have been in both situations, told to wear any black shoe, and been told to have matching shoes.  Here is the difference: the 'mandatory matching shoes' were bought for us, so the fact that they are in the back of my closet isn't a big deal, but if i were told to spend $100 on shoes i hated, I would have objected as well.  I'm not sure if you mentioned if you were offering to pay or not, but i think that's a MUST if you are dictating the exact style. 

Plus, it sounds like its a logistical nightmare, so save yourself the stress of driving out there and spending a day trying to find shoes that match and just let it be.  It will be fine; you're girls, pictures and wedding will still look GREAT!!  I promise you won`t be disappointed if the shoes don`t match (and the girls will be greatful!).

Maybe the girls are dodging the dress meeting b/c they are still worried about the shoe shopping.  If you tell them you're fine with whatever shoes, maybe 'suddenly' they'll be free to meet up for lunch and to pick up the dresses!  Otherwise, i think dropping them with one girl should work as well! 

trix1223

Reality check:  what was on the BM's feet in the last six weddings you attended?  Can't remember?  That's because it's really not important.

The wedding industry will do their very best to convince you that things like shoes are critical to the success of your wedding, but in reality, that's just not true.

Let go of the matchy-matchy shoes silliness.  There's enough to think about without micromanaging down to what's on their feet. 

lharri12

Agree with PPs.  Let it go.  Give them a general idea of what kind of shoes you'd like them to have, and then forget about it.  If you want them to be happy and comfortable on your wedding day, let them pick their own shoes.  It's not that important.  No guest is going to judge you because your BMs aren't wearing matchy-matchy shoes.

garggrl

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_problem-bridesmaids?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:a5d9df30-b76a-44e3-84d2-d22171d4fc3ePost:e3f5a02d-1e2c-4a22-bf85-dcb51c145d29">Re: problem bridesmaids!</a>:
[QUOTE]I think if you're being reasonable then it's okay to dictate shoes.  I would just direct them to the formal wear section of shoes, because those tend to be strappy and dressy.  I think that would solve the problem. Why don't you wait a bit to deliver the dresses?  They might just be busy for now.  And even then, can't you just meet up with one and give her 3 dresses and have her be in charge of giving them to the others?  I don't think you're being bridezilla.  As long as you're still being a good friend and wanting to see them just to hang out in general, then I think they should try to make time for their good friend as well.
Posted by marissa_claire[/QUOTE]


I am being reasonable, I found about 4 other shoes that would match better then the ones they picked, and are all about $20(give or take a dollar). We have all talked about it, and they are ok picking from the shoes I picked. I wanted to deliver the dresses early, so they would ahve plenty of time to get them altered. And I figured ME driving 2 hours to deliver THEIR dresses would be easy and helpful for them, whether it put a strain on me or not.
Thank you for saying I'm not being a bride-zilla!

For all of the others that said "I'm being a bad friend" or whatever, I'm not! I thought meeting up with my 4 BMs and go shoes shopping(whether or not it was for my wedding) would be fun and a way we could all see each other, hang out, and see each other before the wedding. I figured, since we would all be together it would be a great way to kill to birds with on stone, so to speak.

  Thank for all your responses, even though most of them were hurtful and not helpful!

lalap69

Figures you would jump on the one comment validating you.  Just because we disagree with you doesn't make our advice bad.

"They ended up calling me mean names and were just being bad bridesmaids."

YOU said that.  You called them "bad" before anyone said anything about how you were being bad.  And this is obviously a big deal with them.  Again, is this a hill you want to die on?  Do you want to cause problems with YOUR FRIENDS over shoes???  If you think that's worthwhile, then I do think you're being a bad friend.  Because you're valuing their look as wedding props over your friendships.

I hate required shoes.  Different people have different feet and will find different shoes comfortable.  Shoes are the single most important article of clothing when it comes to comfort.  Do you want to risk your FRIENDS being uncomfortable on your wedding day?

garggrl

I do think calling me a "b****" and cursing at me when I was telling them how I felt about shoes(everyone has their own opinion) and never once cursed at them, is a little over the top. And the shoes are the least of the problem. This whole time I have been planning the wedding, I have been super good to them, I have done everything for them(with no help or even asking for help, except for their opinion on what they should wear), I have tried to make things easy by going out of my way to get and give them what they wanted, and listened to all the things they said. But the one time told them my opnion, that's what I get. I don't think that's right.
And to be honest, if I could afford to buy their dresses and their shoes, I would do it in a heartbeat! But lossing your job kind of makes that hard.

And all I'm asking is to have matching shoes that we all agree on for pictures and the ceremony, I'm not asking them to spend a lot either.

deepcovejackie

*Facepalm*.  You owe your friends an apology.  If more than one of your friends is calling you a bi**h, then you're being one.

lalap69

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_problem-bridesmaids?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:a5d9df30-b76a-44e3-84d2-d22171d4fc3ePost:eb144850-a350-4ec4-8f77-75cefb17e96e">Re: problem bridesmaids!</a>:
[QUOTE]I do think calling me a "b****" and cursing at me when I was telling them how I felt about shoes(everyone has their own opinion) and never once cursed at them, is a little over the top. And the shoes are the least of the problem. This whole time I have been planning the wedding, I have been super good to them, I have done everything for them(with no help or even asking for help, except for their opinion on what they should wear), I have tried to make things easy by going out of my way to get and give them what they wanted, and listened to all the things they said. But the one time told them my opnion, that's what I get. I don't think that's right. And to be honest, if I could afford to buy their dresses and their shoes, I would do it in a heartbeat! But lossing your job kind of makes that hard. <strong>And all I'm asking is to have matching shoes that we all agree on for pictures and the ceremony, I'm not asking them to spend a lot either.</strong>
Posted by garggrl[/QUOTE]
And pretty much every poster on this thread is saying that what you're asking for is TOO MUCH.  And if ALL of your bridesmaids are calling you a b****, then I think some self-reflection is in order.  Generally our best friends don't call us names without cause.  But the way you're arguing the point over these goddamned shoes suggests to me that you're incapable of self-relfection.  You want what you want and that's that, huh?  Congratulations, that makes you a bridezilla.

trix1223

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_problem-bridesmaids?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:a5d9df30-b76a-44e3-84d2-d22171d4fc3ePost:eb144850-a350-4ec4-8f77-75cefb17e96e">Re: problem bridesmaids!</a>:
[QUOTE]I do think calling me a "b****" and cursing at me when I was telling them how I felt about shoes(everyone has their own opinion) and never once cursed at them, is a little over the top. And the shoes are the least of the problem. This whole time I have been planning the wedding, I have been super good to them, I have done everything for them(with no help or even asking for help, except for their opinion on what they should wear), I have tried to make things easy by going out of my way to get and give them what they wanted, and listened to all the things they said. But the one time told them my opnion, that's what I get. I don't think that's right. And to be honest, if I could afford to buy their dresses and their shoes, I would do it in a heartbeat! But lossing your job kind of makes that hard. And all I'm asking is to have matching shoes that we all agree on for pictures and the ceremony, I'm not asking them to spend a lot either.
Posted by garggrl[/QUOTE]

A quote from a favorite movie (Shawshank Redemption) fits well here:  

 "How can you be so obtuse?"

aerinpegadrak

So having coordinating shoes is more important than having friends that are on speaking terms with you?

Glad we've established that.

Muffin'sMom

Only one thing really struck me...you AND your fiance want matching shoes?  Your fiance cares what shoes your girls are wearing?  Seriously?

That's just odd.....

jerseydevil

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_problem-bridesmaids?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:a5d9df30-b76a-44e3-84d2-d22171d4fc3ePost:4a131839-1145-4e96-a4d8-0117711ae9a4">Re: problem bridesmaids!</a>:
[QUOTE]Only one thing really struck me...you AND your fiance want matching shoes?  Your  fiance cares what shoes your girls are wearing?  Seriously? That's just odd.....
Posted by Muffin'sMom[/QUOTE]

Agreed. I don't think my fiance even cares about the shoes that HE's wearing let alone me or any of the bridal party.

TheCranberry

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_problem-bridesmaids?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:a5d9df30-b76a-44e3-84d2-d22171d4fc3ePost:eb144850-a350-4ec4-8f77-75cefb17e96e">Re: problem bridesmaids!</a>:
[QUOTE]I do think calling me a "b****" and cursing at me when I was telling them how I felt about shoes(everyone has their own opinion) and never once cursed at them, is a little over the top. And the shoes are the least of the problem. This whole time I have been planning the wedding, I have been super good to them, I have done everything for them(with no help or even asking for help, except for their opinion on what they should wear), I have tried to make things easy by going out of my way to get and give them what they wanted, and listened to all the things they said. But the one time told them my opnion, that's what I get. I don't think that's right. And to be honest, if I could afford to buy their dresses and their shoes, I would do it in a heartbeat! But lossing your job kind of makes that hard. And all I'm asking is to have matching shoes that we all agree on for pictures and the ceremony, I'm not asking them to spend a lot either.
Posted by garggrl[/QUOTE]

If the fact that your friends are calling you a B and cursing at you over some $20 shoes doesn't make you stop and think, I don't know what will.  In fact, I think you're ALL over the top right now. 

Just let it go.  The least of your concerns should be your friends' shoes.  Even for pictures, how many close ups will there be of the BMs' feet?  The only ones I've seen are when the bride and/or BMs wear some funky shoes.  If that was your plan just give it up since clearly they seem to care a lot about what shoes they wear.

It sounds like you need to do some relationship mending.  Take a few days to calm down and then call each one of them and apologize for going crazy about shoes.  Hopefully they will also apologize for the name-calling since I don't think that's ever appropriate.  Then maybe when you drive down there to drop off the dresses, ya'll can have a nice dinner that's about friends hanging out and not about planning the wedding.

omalleyj20

Ok first off, I agree with everyone about letting the shoe issue go. But god damn, everyone on here is being so nasty about it! Can't you just give the girl a reply without attitude like you know so much better than everyone else? She turned to you for advice, not to get snotty remarks. Yes, let it go, especially if the dresses are long, no one will care. They won't care either way and I'm sure when your wedding day comes, the shoes will be the last thing on your mind....And everyone else, chill out!!

mkrupar

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_problem-bridesmaids?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:a5d9df30-b76a-44e3-84d2-d22171d4fc3ePost:4e7dc5c4-8c23-415a-b70d-b67d55659c54">Re: problem bridesmaids!</a>:
[QUOTE]Ok first off, I agree with everyone about letting the shoe issue go. But god damn, everyone on here is being so nasty about it! Can't you just give the girl a reply without attitude like you know so much better than everyone else? She turned to you for advice, not to get snotty remarks. Yes, let it go, especially if the dresses are long, no one will care. They won't care either way and I'm sure when your wedding day comes, the shoes will be the last thing on your mind....And everyone else, chill out!!
Posted by omalleyj20[/QUOTE]

People only got snarky when OP came back nasty. She's obviously not understanding how UN-important matching shoes are. And OP, yes, you are bing a bridezilla. You're requiring them to wear matching shoes. SHOES!!!??? C'mon. I have terrible feet and only certain styles are comfortable for me. This is also extremely invalid if you're having them wear long dresses.

Were you also aware that etiquette dictate that if you are requiring them to wear matching shoes YOU should be paying for them, not them? Which in one of your previous posts you stated that you couldn't afford to. Well, problem solved. Tell them to buy black shoes and call it a day.

lilcassers

I never understood why some brides want their bridesmaids to look like clones. I sure don't. They are your friends, not security guards in uniform. Let them pick their own as long as theyare the same color. This way they will love them, it will be their individual style, and they will wear them again.

beamer84

I think asking your BMs to wear matching shoes is unreasonable because no one will notice or care if their shoes match. Also, it's very difficult to find a single shoe that is comfortable on 4 different people.

I'd also like to tell you about my BMs. I just gave them a color (silver) and asked them to find open-toe or sandal-style shoes for my outdoor June wedding. Well, they all found different styles, and even different shades of silver! I loved it! Especially since every BM (on her own) chose to paint her toenails or get a pedi. We have a few pics of just our painted feet. If it weren't for the DIFFERENT shoes they chose, I wouldn't be able to tell you whose foot is whose in the picture!