WP Question.

Amandarose531

It's a ways off but I already know my MOH, a childhood friend, and 1 bridesmaid. Both already know, and there is no problem there.

My 1 Bridesmaid is in a serious relationship with my FI's brother, who will be the best man.

My question comes, that since the brother and the gf are going to be in our wedding, is it rude not to include the boys (groom and best man) sister as a bridesmaid?

I have no siblings and i'm not particularly biased either way, but my BM warned that we should probably include the sister to prevent potential mama-drama that could follow.
Reason I ask is that we were going to have a somewhat small reception/ceremony, and we hadn't discussed WP size, I wouldn't want to eliminate either of the two I have.

tldh

I can tell you that I was the only sibling left out of a brother's wedding and I am still pissed about it.  I didn't have to be a BM or stand with my brother but seriously, they couldn't even give me a reading??

jagore08

Talk to your FI.

aerinpegadrak

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_wp-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:a62f2d6e-e911-4538-b9f8-142894073706Post:1fbcd92d-eb44-4f10-bd2f-cf8424b2f32e">WP Question.</a>:
[QUOTE]It's a ways off but I already know my MOH, a childhood friend, and 1 bridesmaid. Both already know, and there is no problem there. My 1 Bridesmaid is in a serious relationship with my FI's brother, who will be the best man. My question comes, that since the brother and the gf are going to be in our wedding, is it rude not to include the boys (groom and best man) sister as a bridesmaid? I have no siblings and i'm not particularly biased either way, but my BM warned that we should probably include the sister to prevent potential mama-drama that could follow. Reason I ask is that we were going to have a somewhat small reception/ceremony, and we hadn't discussed WP size, I wouldn't want to eliminate either of the two I have.
Posted by Amandarose531[/QUOTE]
So this is your FSIL?  I'm a little confused.  If it is the groom's sister and he wants her in the wedding, she can always stand on his side.  If he doesn't want her in the wedding, he can deal wth his mother.

And I don't see why you need to discuss WP size.  You ask your attendants and he asks his, regardless of each other's numbers.  If you have two, he can have two, or ten, or none.  Sides don't need to be even.

Amandarose531

My FI is useless with this planning. The first time I asked him he said no, then was undecided, then I asked again and he said sure, then I reiterated it and he acted like it was some foreign concept haha.

I think i'll include her based on the first reply of the sad sibling, I wouldn't want anyone to be resentful. It doesn't bother me at all, and as we live in Texas and I grew up in Idaho the majority of my friends wont be making the trip. I was just trying to personalize a few things. Our guest list consists of 60 of his family members and their +1s and mine is 6 of my family members and a few close friends.

Being across country sucks.

Amandarose531

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_wp-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:a62f2d6e-e911-4538-b9f8-142894073706Post:f3e12b6b-805d-4099-bd5e-9e797fa86de4">Re: WP Question.</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to WP Question. : So this is your FSIL?  I'm a little confused.  If it is the groom's sister and he wants her in the wedding, she can always stand on his side.  If he doesn't want her in the wedding, he can deal wth his mother. And I don't see why you need to discuss WP size.  You ask your attendants and he asks his, regardless of each other's numbers.  If you have two, he can have two, or ten, or none.  Sides don't need to be even.
Posted by aerinpegadrak[/QUOTE]

Yes, FSIL (sorry i'm still not savvy with all the technical lingo)

I guess you're right it doesn't need to be even. I'm overthinking it, I just want it to go smooth and not cause waves with any of the family. I already jumped over one obstacle of not converting to catholocism, that was a feat in and of itself.

Thank goodness they don't care who marries us, be it a priest or a judge.

saisongbird

I know you've said that you're going to wait because it's aways off, but WAIT!!! Your wedding is not until August 2012.  You have time.  Don't even THINK about this stuff for another 6-8 months.  Then start to figure it out.  Don't put yourself into a corner and accidentally invite someone you're not sure if you want there.

Amandarose531

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_wp-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:a62f2d6e-e911-4538-b9f8-142894073706Post:10767a1f-7877-41f5-80ca-bf428818fef3">Re: WP Question.</a>:
[QUOTE]I know you've said that you're going to wait because it's aways off, but WAIT!!! Your wedding is not until August 2012.  You have time.  Don't even THINK about this stuff for another 6-8 months.  Then start to figure it out.  Don't put yourself into a corner and accidentally invite someone you're not sure if you want there.
Posted by saisongbird[/QUOTE]


Certainly, we aren't making concrete decisions or anything. The two girls i've committed to aren't going anywhere and they both know we're just throwing around ideas. The childhood friend isn't going anywhere, and the other girl is on the same page as us.

trix1223

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_wp-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:a62f2d6e-e911-4538-b9f8-142894073706Post:df32f0c7-7441-4053-a33a-f7d8699b6b54">Re: WP Question.</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: WP Question. : Certainly, we aren't making concrete decisions or anything. The two girls i've committed to aren't going anywhere and they both know we're just throwing around ideas. The childhood friend isn't going anywhere, and the other girl is on the same page as us.
Posted by Amandarose531[/QUOTE]

Amanda:  I know that you're sincere in thinking that thw childhood friend isn't going anywhere.  I can't tell you the number of people who come on here posting that  "they asked their bff since nursery school to be in the wedding party.  And now, they're drifted apart......they're no longer friends.....etc. etc. etc." and they're wondering how to kick former bff out of the wedding.

Chances are good that you won't be saying such things.  But why take the chance?   I've seen more posts than I can count that regret asking WP too soon.  Funny thing, though, I've never, ever seen a post that regrets waiting to ask a WP.  And you can tell by my post count that I've been around awhile.  =)

GL.

Amandarose531

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_wp-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:a62f2d6e-e911-4538-b9f8-142894073706Post:bf6e3f63-05e4-4260-8ed1-4e047a6bd285">Re: WP Question.</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: WP Question. : Amanda:  I know that you're sincere in thinking that thw childhood friend isn't going anywhere.  I can't tell you the number of people who come on here posting that  "they asked their bff since nursery school to be in the wedding party.  And now, they're drifted apart......they're no longer friends.....etc. etc. etc." and they're wondering how to kick former bff out of the wedding. Chances are good that you won't be saying such things.  But why take the chance?   I've seen more posts than I can count that regret asking WP too soon.  Funny thing, though, I've never, ever seen a post that regrets waiting to ask a WP.  And you can tell by my post count that I've been around awhile.  =) GL.
Posted by trix1223[/QUOTE]

I understand, like I said I know that happens, and I've seen the posts as well.

I'm not saying we're invincible and i'm not saying it's not possible. What I am saying is that it's unlikely. Strange as it sounds, being that we live so far apart it's easy to keep in touch without being too in touch so as to drive one another crazy, we have what you could say on again/off again friendship. Sometimes we're super involved, sometimes not.

All that aside, we'll cross that road if it comes. The point is I got my answer - i'm going to include the FSIL in someway.

bablingbrooke

Good call on including FSIL.  I had the obligatory sibling in the WP and I have no regrets.  If you think about it, she'll be at the wedding, at most of the pre-wedding events, and in a lot of the photos anyway; it isn't that big of a difference to include her.

And glad your'e waiting to ask.  I'd wait until everything's booked and you have less than a year to go.  Yes, it's unlikely that the friendship will end.  But the girls who wrote those posts about "my BFF since birth isn't speaking to me anymore" thought the same thing, so why tempt fate, you know?  Best of luck!

Amandarose531

You're right, she's going to be there anyway, why not make the mom happy by including her as i'm sure it will.

I'm extremely laid back in just about every aspect of this, and it's likely not going to make a difference either way it goes.

I've lost quite a few of those "BFFL" friends, from the simple fact I moved cross country by myself to be with my to-be-husband, so I understand why everyone says wait, i'm not so naive as to think everything lasts forever.

The primary reason I've included her is i'm doing a lot of DIY and she's excited to help and provide her opinions. My OH will be in school during most of the planning so he's given me quite a bit of free reign whenever I start planning and I could use the extra set of hands.

That being said, I haven't knighted her MOH or anything, she's just under the assumption, which I did provide, that she's going to be included.

[Deleted User]

While you are not obligated to include her in the WP, I don't see how one girl is a big deal esp if it avoids a lot of family drama. Sometimes you have to pick your battles and if you can start off the new marriage on a good note, why not do it? The sides don't have to be even.

I had SIL stand on my side as H's two brothers were already GM. That would have made her feel very awkward if she was the only sibling that was left out. Not to mention IL's were awesome in helping with our wedding since we live out of state.