Bridal shower for 80+ guests...

hopie81201

I'm the MOH hosting the bridal shower with the help of the other bridesmaids, thank goodness. The invite list is pushing 85 and growing...and that is just invitations to send (not including mother/daughter combos). My question is what do I do about the out of town invitations I need to send out? Do I include some sort of note letting them know they are special to the bride but that she doesn't expect them to come? (her words, not mine.) Please help....

trix1223

No.  You never send someone an invitation with a note that says they don't have to come.  That pretty much defeats the purpose of the invitation.

I pesonally think that 80+ is WAY too many people for a shower.  I think a shower should be only CLOSEST friends and family, and shouldn't really number more than 20-25 tops.

But there's also a family dynamic at play.  In my family, it's considered very, very poor form to invite someone to an event that we know can't make it.  But when planning for DD's shower came about, the hosts were told by her FMIL that they had to send out about 20 "courtesy" invitations to people who wouldn't make it, but who would be insulted if they weren't invited.

I don't think I've really answered your question, other than to say that there's no way, IMO, to send out an invitation but tell people that they don't have to come.

Good Luck.

blush64

I think that the guest list should either be cut down or divided into multiple showers.

80+ is too many people for one shower.

EDIT: Don't send out a note suggesting the person doesn't have to come to the shower inside their shower invitation. It's just not right. Either invite or don't invite.

I've been to a shower with many people and it felt very impersonal. The bride couldn't get around to speak to all the guests and the present opening went on for almost the entire shower. It really wasn't very enjoyable for the guests. If possible, consider having at least a couple smaller showers instead.

MairePoppy

I have a few of those relatives that expect courtesy invitations. The general idea is that they are so close to the bride that it would be an insult not to invite them. If anyone wrote inside that they aren't expected show up, you can be sure they would think they are not really wanted. Just send the same invitation that you send the others. The courtesy invitees know who they are and will act accordingly : )

Good luck with the huge shower.

hopie81201

I agree with you...it's the MOG that wanted the note included. I just needed an outside opinion. Thank you. Edit: @ Blush64...as much as I would like to cut down the list to make it more personal, the Bride wants to include almost all of the ladies Invited to the wedding so as not to hurt feelings. And like I said before, thank goodness for the other bridesmaids helping. This is a combined shower for the bride and grooms families.

kmmssg

I would hate to attend a shower where the bride had gifts from 80 people to open!  That needs to be cut down to multiple showers.  That can't possibly be the nearest and dearest can it?  Just because you are hosting doesn't mean you have to agree to such an enormous guest list.

blush64

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_bridal-shower-80-guests?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:a8485f01-ba82-44ec-b561-fcb05c265934Post:dc3fca31-32bd-4191-8f41-e5b0fd6c3394">Re: Bridal shower for 80+ guests...</a>:
[QUOTE]I agree with you...it's the MOG that wanted the note included. I just needed an outside opinion. Thank you. Edit: @ Blush64...as much as I would like to cut down the list to make it more personal, the Bride wants to include almost all of the ladies Invited to the wedding so as not to hurt feelings. And like I said before, thank goodness for the other bridesmaids helping. This is a combined shower for the bride and grooms families.
Posted by hopie81201[/QUOTE]

I didn't mean to cut them out altogether. In my post I proposed to cut the list down and have separate showers. Maybe one side one weekend and the other the next. Or however you want to separate them. It's just not in the best interests of the guests to have 80 people at the same shower.

EDIT: Just want to add that if this is the way it must be then I hope it all goes as well and easy as possible because that will be so much work. :)

kmmssg

Does the bride realize the financial burden she is placing you all of you because she wants to invite everyone and not hurt feelings?

hopie81201

@blush64... I agree with you on the more than one shower idea, that's what I would have liked to do. BUT, the bride just wanted the one shower "to get it over with" and the MOG reserved the reception hall at a discounted Sunday price. Basically even though it's my resposibility to host the party I don't have much say. @kmmssg... I'm sure she knows. I am 1 of 5 in my family in this wedding. My DH is the brides brother, then I'm the MOH and we have 3 daughters, two are flower girls and the oldest is a junior bridesmaid. When I asked her if I could wear a small heel (2") so I wouldn't have to alter my dress (and it would save me $150) she said no because she wants all of us in flip flops with our ball gowns. She is 4'8" and I'm 5'6" she doesn't want to look short next to me....??? I don't understand that thinking, not matter what heel she gets it won't put her close to my height.

chocoholic4life

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_bridal-shower-80-guests?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:a8485f01-ba82-44ec-b561-fcb05c265934Post:9040b14a-da58-4699-bbd6-313045509928">Re: Bridal shower for 80+ guests...</a>:
[QUOTE]@blush64... I agree with you on the more than one shower idea, that's what I would have liked to do. BUT, the bride just wanted the one shower "to get it over with" and the MOG reserved the reception hall at a discounted Sunday price. Basically even though it's my resposibility to host the party I don't have much say. @kmmssg... I'm sure she knows. I am 1 of 5 in my family in this wedding. My DH is the brides brother, then I'm the MOH and we have 3 daughters, two are flower girls and the oldest is a junior bridesmaid. <strong>When I asked her if I could wear a small heel (2") so I wouldn't have to alter my dress (and it would save me $150) she said no because she wants all of us in flip flops with our ball gowns.</strong> She is 4'8" and I'm 5'6" she doesn't want to look short next to me....??? I don't understand that thinking, not matter what heel she gets it won't put her close to my height.
Posted by hopie81201[/QUOTE]

What???  She wants you to pay an extra $150 so she can feel a little less short?  Sounds more than a little selfish.  Why don't you suggest that, as a compromise, she should wear 8" platforms?  You are being way nicer than I would be.

Also, why is she insisting on flip flops with a formal ball gown?  It seems to me that if someone wanted the formality of ball gowns, she would be more concerned with the formality of the shoes.  There are some really cute flats the BMs could wear if she is really that bent out of shape over the height difference.

hoffse

About 8 months ago there was a group of ladies in my town who threw a baby shower for that many people and everyone is still talking about the ridiculousness of it because it was just waaaaay too much.

I'm so sorry she's being a snot and is pumping you and your family dry for $$ over her wedding!  I'm trying to think of a way where she could open that many gifts and not have it be boring... the only thing I can think of is to suggest group gifts to anybody you might be comfortable talking to about that so as to decrease the quantity of things.... but I also know it's rude to tell people what to buy.  Going in circles here.  I think it's just going to be a dull party for everybody but her.

hopie81201

Ok ladies, thanks for your tips, advice...etc. The invites are finished. Ended up being 90 total. Anyone else want to join the blah blah boring fest of a shower this is going to be? I should be looking forward to this. I should be excited for this party, but I'm not. What I am is ashamed. Ashamed that my name is on the invite and that this isn't going to be personal at all. Ashamed that my SIL is this selfish that she "just wanted to get it over with" in one shower. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? For a little "entertainment" half way through the gifts I am going to do the wedding shower cleaning poem. And I plan on doing door prizes of potted tulips, gerber daisies, and African violets (the centerpieces). Any other ideas would be greatly appreciated...

millyd2005

Haha - Let us know how that shower goes!

My best friend was my MOH and planned a wonderful party for my 30 some shower guests, and now that she's getting married in a couple of months I'm her MOH.  She's sending approximately 200 invites out for the wedding, but somehow managed a Bridal Shower guest list of 150 INVITES!  She's somehow expecting 100 people to show up - and I'm trying to plan a shower from accross the country!

I have no idea what she's expecting, although we've talked about it - she just wants me to handle it.  Except that the 7 other bridemaids (those who answer my phone calls at least) just give ideas that the Bride did at MY shower...and i don't want to be a repeat offender.

So my plan of attack for the day:  just keep people busy and engaged.  I'll only be home for the weekend, so while it would be a great time to visit with friends, I'm just going to have to stay focused!