Moms and Maids
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Mother of the Groom's Dress

Okay, here's the situation: my fiances mother first bought a dress online and it didn't fit and the alterations were "terrible", I guess (I haven't seen the finished alterations yet). Therefore, the MOG bought a new dress. Now here is my dilema: in the picture she posted the dress looks white, it is lace, and it comes too her knees. I am offended that she would think it would be appropriate to purchase and plan to wear a dress that appears white in photos. I was told that the dress is actually beige but, as I said in photos it does not appear to be so. I will attach the photo she posted.

Please, in this situation, what would you, as a bride, or whomever, do? My wedding is less than a month away (June 9th) and I don't have the time to worry about this but I also am offended that she assumed her dress would be okay without consulting me beforehand. I don't want to sound rude or petty, and I apologize if I do, I just always believed that only the bride should wear any shade of white to the wedding - including a beige that looks white.

Advice?



Re: Mother of the Groom's Dress

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    What does your FMIL think of the dress?  I'm sure she thought the dress didn't look white.  Even if she did it's not bad luck, you'll still be married at the end of the day.  I would probably side eye the MOG wearing white (Although this could really just be the bad lighting making it look white.  A professional photographer will make it look much better.) but it's not that big of a deal.


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    LambbopLambbop member
    First Comment

    Most "etiquette" rules about this will tell the MOB/MOGs and any guests not to wear a white, ivory, etc. color to a wedding... If it really bothers you, you could ask if she would dye it if it is a dyeable material. If she insists it is fine then don't worry about it... she'll just be the one to look silly and as PP said... she'll probably get a lot of side eyes and confused looks.

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    First, let me say that I would totally be irritated. That said, it will reflect badly on you if you freak out on her/make her wear something different, etc. If she shows up in that dress, she will be the one people will side eye, not you. No one will mistake her for the bride :) 
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    Most of us still honor the tradition of the bride being the only one to wear any shade of white to the wedding. I agree with you that the dress looks ivory in the picture. What should you do? Nothing.

    Two women wore white to my dear friend's wedding. One of the dresses was long and flowing, with a black sash,  the other a short lacy dress, similar to the one you are showing us. As each of them made her way down the aisle before the ceremony, many of the other guests gave them side eyes. My husband, being the subtle man that he is : ) turned to me and said 'I thought only the bride was supposed to wear white.' Many of the other guests sitting in the rows in front and back of us gave him a nod to let them know he was right. The bride, being the gracious person that she is, didn't notice (or at least pretended not to) that 2 of her guests were dressed inappropriately. I think she handled, or refused to handle, the situation perfectly. I love that girl.

    Unless your FMIL specifically asked you for your opinion on the dress, you shouldn't say anything. Although you have my sympathy, I don't agree that the MOB and MOG should get the brides approval on their attire for the wedding. Adults are supposed to know how to dress themselves. If your FMIL wears something inappropriate, it reflects poorly on her, not you.
                       
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    I would be just as upset as you are honestly. It is bad etiquette to wear white. Have you talked to her about this? I wouldn't make a huge deal out of the dress for relationship-sake, maybe you can compromise and ask her to wear a nice colored jacket over the top?
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    I am upset by this, but I understand that there is very little I can do about it at this point.
    She hasn't said anything to me about it, which I do actually find rather strange because her first dress she showed me months before she purchased it, and she sent me a picture of it when she received it and had it on and everything. But with this dress she hasn't said anything and she didn't even tell me she found a dress.

    Maybe I can nonchalantly recommend a colored shaw or jacket to help distract from the fact her dress is so close to being white. 

    Hopefully my photographer will be able to make the color look the beige color it apparently is supposed to be.

    I really appreciate all the feedback. I'm still offended by this action, but knowing there isn't much I can say or do on the matter, I am just going to have to let it slide.
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    I'd be a little annoyed with it too, but I'd just let it go since there's no way to tactfully approach this situation.  Besides, the MOG is in a lot less pictures with you than you'd think and that's the only time where her dress will be obvious.  Other than that, she'll be the only one getting the side-eye from guests, so it's on her.  Just don't worry about it and enjoy your day, I promise you won't notice that much on the day of...you'll have better things to do :-)
    Anniversary
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    Take heart. If she posted that picture on facebook, someone else will probably speak up to her.
                       
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    Don't worry, people will still know you're the bride.
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