Mother of the Groom

JillLeAnn89

How involved is the Mother of the Groom supposed to be in the wedding planning?

trix1223

As involved as she, her son and her FDIL are comfortable with.

trix1223

Retread:  I answered a little differently than you did, because I can well imagine a scenario where the MOG wants to be heavily involved, but the couple doesn't want her to be.

On the other hand, there are brides that come here saying that their FMIL isn't at all interested, and wish she would be more involved.  So I agree that the couple should be planning their own wedding, I think that if they want her help and are comfortable with her involvement, it should be a decision that all three are comfortable with.

LisaLPharmD

As my mom says, she should "Shut up, show up, and wear beige" HA!

tlbattaglia

I don't think they typically are 'supposed' to be super involved.  But, then there's the other extreme when they don't want to be involved at all.  That is more frustrating I think.

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mother-of-groom?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:ac45aa42-ed15-4d29-b8c4-59ddb2232ac2Post:b1ee29a5-e28c-4d38-9a8b-c78bb79a30f5">Re: Mother of the Groom</a>:
[QUOTE]As my mom says, she should "Shut up, show up, and wear beige" HA!
Posted by LisaLPharmD[/QUOTE]


Your mom & I would be good friends!

eshaufle

I'd say a lot of the girls on here (based on some of the stories) would prefer a less-involved FMIL.  That said you can try to include her as much or as little as you want if you're paying.

My FMIL asks me about the plans whenever we chat but hasn't really been hands-on, which I prefer, but I do appreciate her interest.  I think I'd be sad if she weren't interested at all.  She checks in with me once in awhile to make sure there's nothing I need help with but that's about it.  I'll probably invite her to one of my dress fittings once it comes in and maybe the tasting too. 

EDIT:  The stories I refer to above are those of FMIL's over-stepping their bounds or trying to control things when they're not paying or planning.  In that case, a lot of people would rather have a hands-off MOG than one that is trying to control things.

skippylouwho

I'm a MOG (MOB also, DD got married 9/25).   I am as involved as FDIL wants me to be. She asked DD & I to go wedding dress shopping with her, her mom and another BM. We had a lot of fun that day.

FDIL invited DD and I to go to Bridal Show with her, her mom and another BM. DD couldn't make it but we had a blast. The bakery FDIL wanted was there,  cake was fabulous so she booked them. Then we had an appointment to look at the venue she wanted and it is BEAUTIFUL. When they had the tasting she invited me to go with her and her dad and my DS. I had her ask my husband so it was FDIL, DD and both dads. I thought DH would enjoy being involved too and he did.  I have no idea what we're eating.

FDIL sent me pictures of the BM dresses, VERY cute. DD is excited to wear it.
She's talked to me about different ideas she has as she thinks them through.

FDIL knew of a great place for invitations,  FDIL, her mom, DD and I all went one night and picked stuff for both weddings.  It was fun.

My son has really chosen well, his FI is a very loving and thoughtful girl.  In fact after they'd been dating for awhile he told me she is the most thoughtful girl he'd every known and he's right. She is very sweet and kind and we love her a lot. 

I don't know what else I might be involved in, she really has things under control.  I've given her our guest list with addresses and I kept it well under the maximum number she told me and that has allowed her family to invite some additional people they wanted to have. She knows I will help her with anything she wants and hopefully she knows I'll stay out of anything she doesn't want me involved in.  At this point I'm kinda thinking I'll just be showing up - wearing dark purple and shutting up.  

She has picked her flowers and decorations and I'm not offended that she didn't include me. I love doing that kind of stuff but not being included didn't bother me. I
'm just thrilled to be involved at all.

I'm really looking forward to everything.   With DD last weekend, she invited her FMIL and Future Grandmas to go to the salon with us and they did. Then they kind of disappeared even though FMIL was invited to hang out with us in our suite DD and BM were dressing. I really had hoped her FMIL would come to the suite, we get a long great and I think she'd have had fun but possibly she was riding herd on the groom, 11 groomsmens, 2 ushers and 2 grandpas.   That's a lot of guys to keep moving and on time. (they were late to just about  EVERYTHING and the girls were ready early - rehearsal, rehearsal dinner, pictures before ceremony, etc.. )

 I need to find out what FDIL wants.  I know she is having a hair stylist and make up artist come to the hotel they will be staying in to do her and her mom. If the other BM are going to a specific salon then DD and I will probably too otherwise we'll go to our usual salon.  I do NOT want to take that special time from her mom so if she'd rather I not hang out with them, I will be fine. DD and his GM are all dressing at our house so I can just hang out there and keep them all in line!

Kristin789

Where I live, the MOG is the host of the RD.  So she'll fly up to the wedding location, spend three days going to potential RD locations and doing tastings and contract negotiations, etc.  And then choose a location for the RD, and finalize and sign the contract.  She'll do everything:  menu selections, decorations and color schemes, invitations, insert maps of how to get there and where to park, etc.

And the MOB is the host of the wedding.  She'll be involved in all the details of the wedding with the bride, and the MOG doesn't really get involved in those details.

I've read on TK that some brides take their FMIL with them to tastings or dress fittings.  I have never heard of that in Real Life.  The MOB doesn't horn in on the RD planning and change out mashed potatoes for baked potato, and the MOG isn't to horn in and manipulate stuff for the wedding reception menu, etc.

I Want Cake

My FMIL is pretty hands-off, but she does ask about stuff when we talk to her.  That's more than my mom does.  I've been trying not to talk about wedding stuff with people unless they ask, although that will change with the WP members when we get closer to the date, lest they get sick of it.  FI and I are paying for 70% of our wedding and my parents are kicking in roughly 30% in the form of a check, so we'll take their input when offered, but otherwise we're on our own.

FMIL will be hosting the rehearsal dinner.  I'm going to let her pick the place, menu, and who's invited, then FI and I will send the invitations.  I'm hoping FMIL also offers to help with our flower budget, since she's really into that stuff, but we'll also be fine if she doesn't, since I'm not planning for anything that costs more than we can afford ourselves.  If FMIL does offer, we'll revisit our flower choices.

Muffin'sMom

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mother-of-groom?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:ac45aa42-ed15-4d29-b8c4-59ddb2232ac2Post:ca717e81-b443-4407-afb9-d3fa741ed138">Re: Mother of the Groom</a>:
[QUOTE]As involved as she, her son and her FDIL are comfortable with.
Posted by trix1223[/QUOTE]

Trix knows!

twixinthemix

My MOG hasn't been too involved yet, but I know that'll change.  She was invited to go dress shopping with me a few weeks ago, but had to fly down to Florida to take care of her mom.  She will be altering my dress however when it comes in in January (yay!).  She will also be hosting the RD though she's not from town and doesn't know the restaurants well so I gave her a potential list of options to get her started.  I know she and some of FI's stepsisters will throw a shower for me sometime this spring.  Other than that, not too much!

erollis

My FMIL is as involved as my own mother. This is our decision to ask our families opinions on many things and keep them updated on what we are doing. I think part of the reason why I involve FMIL so much is because FI is an only child. therefore she will only have this one chance to be so involved in her child's wedding planning.

So she is involved however much you allow her to be.

jericamegan06

let her be as involved as YOU want her to be, but remember if you want a close family then make her feel like you want her there. my FMIL doesnt have any daughters, so i like to let her know i want her to be involved! I want her to feel like she has a say also... i mean my mom does so she should also! but in the end its all up to you just make sure its what the 2 of you want! after all.. its YALLS wedding!!! good luck and i hope your wedding is beautiful!

extreme maven

Hi, I am a newly to be mother of the groom.  Years ago I was on this board planning my first son's wedding, now I find myseldf here again.  I made wonderful friends and we went through the process together. We called ourselves the MAVENS.  I hope I can help all the newbeeies and get feed back from all the brides to be. 

extreme maven

Doesn't anyone post on the mother of the groom site anymore?  The last post beside mine was 2010.  Where have all the MOG's gone?  Am I on the wrong site?