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Mother of groom asking us to change wedding date

lawells00lawells00
in Moms and Maids
The mother of the groom recently asked us to change our wedding date because three of her friends can't make it on that date.....I am two months into planning at this moment and therefore this made me mad not to mention I found this extremely rude...anyway, now that my fiance told her we are not willing to change the date (it was already hard enough to get this date in our church!) she is mad at both of us and doesn't want anything to do with him....advice please!!
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Re: Mother of groom asking us to change wedding date

  • MairePoppyMairePoppy mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    It's not fair of your fmil to expect you to plan your wedding date around her friends. There will always be people who will not be able to accept an invitation, no matter what date you choose. She is being unreasonable and she's handling this in a very childish manner. My answer would be different if these friends were important to your fi. 

    You should not have to handle this, at all. This is a job for fi to handle. He should tell his mom that the date cannot be changed, that the two of you will be very disappointed if she chooses her friends over her own son and fdil.

    Good luck.
                       
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  • cierranbrandoncierranbrandon
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    your wedding is your wedding  no one elses im having the same problem because of religious things but my thing is is i would love you to be there but if you decide otherwise that is your choice . hope i helped a little
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  • vwhitney2107vwhitney2107 member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mother-of-groom-asking-change-wedding-date?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:ad479623-371d-49f9-826d-51a6ee78dfddPost:4dc6261d-1d57-44a2-be9b-24feef970c6f">Mother of groom asking us to change wedding date</a>:
    [QUOTE]The mother of the groom recently asked us to change our wedding date because three of her friends can't make it on that date.....I am two months into planning at this moment and therefore this made me mad not to mention I found this extremely rude...anyway, now that my fiance told her we are not willing to change the date (it was already hard enough to get this date in our church!) she is mad at both of us and doesn't want anything to do with him....advice please!!
    Posted by lawells00[/QUOTE]

    You and your FI have every right to pick the date that works for you and stick with it. I think it is extremely immature of FMIL to be angry with either one of you because her friends can't make it. More than likely not every single guest will be able to attend anyway so it would be silly to switch the date to accomodate FMIL's 3 friends. If these 3 friends happened to be important people in yours or your FI's life then you might want to reconsider but I say just keep the date you picked. Just simply say "this is the date that works for us and this is what we picked. If they can make it, that's great, if not then they will be truly missed".

    I would also suggest that your FI have a sit down with FMIL and explain to her that you have already begun the planning process and you would appreciate her understanding.
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  • skippylouwhoskippylouwho member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    She'll either get over it or she won't and if she doesn't then it is her loss.  Unless your wedding is VERY small you will never find a date that everyone you want to attend will be able to be there. Life goes on - and she'll either grow up and enjoy her son's wedding day or she won't but either way the sun will contine to rise and set and life will go on.
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  • AutumnFairAutumnFair member
    Eighth Anniversary 1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Your FMIL is acting like a spoiled 2 year old. It's up to your FI to handle her tantrums (basically he needs to tell her no, and that the topic is closed). Like the other PP said it is very hard to find a date that will work for every person.
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  • StephieBowStephieBow member
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mother-of-groom-asking-change-wedding-date?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:ad479623-371d-49f9-826d-51a6ee78dfddPost:00208766-a0ac-4289-904a-049fb6bcda9d">Re: Mother of groom asking us to change wedding date</a>:
    [QUOTE]Your FMIL is acting like a spoiled 2 year old. It's up to your FI to handle her tantrums (basically he needs to tell her no, and that the topic is closed). Like the other PP said it is very hard to find a date that will work for every person.
    Posted by AutumnFair[/QUOTE]

    Agree with this.... she needs to grow up.  She's also using her motherly power and guilt in order to try and get her way.  Stick to it, who knows, maybe her friends will be able to make it in the end?  No matter what you do, no one can pick a date that 100% of people can come to.
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  • courtney1188courtney1188 member
    Fourth Anniversary 500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In your very next post you say that your FMIL is upset about the date because she is very religious and you're Catholic as well, and that your date is on Good Friday.

    So which post is the truth?
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  • MairePoppyMairePoppy mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    courtney - these are two different people, with 2 completely different situations.
                       
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  • courtney1188courtney1188 member
    Fourth Anniversary 500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mother-of-groom-asking-change-wedding-date?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:ad479623-371d-49f9-826d-51a6ee78dfddPost:3e75d95a-be9d-4ad8-b62d-70f97a718bef">Re: Mother of groom asking us to change wedding date</a>:
    [QUOTE]courtney - these are two different people, with 2 completely different situations.
    Posted by MairePoppy[/QUOTE]

    Ahh! So sorry, the knot glitched on me and had me all mixed up. I apologize! In your situatio I would totally tell FMIL that you're sorry but it's too late to change the date.
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  • deepcovejackiedeepcovejackie
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011

    Tell FMIL that you're unable to change the date at this point.  Do not provide a list of reasons, just say "sadly, no".  If she pitches a fit, let FI deal with her, don't get involved.  If she refuses to go, then "I'm so sorry to hear that, you will be missed".

    Start now, start here, otherwise for your enitre life you will be bending over backwards to please her.

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  • GoodLuckBear14GoodLuckBear14 member
    2500 Comments Fourth Anniversary 25 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mother-of-groom-asking-change-wedding-date?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:ad479623-371d-49f9-826d-51a6ee78dfddPost:b901f7a7-85ed-406e-8422-3cefb99e418f">Re: Mother of groom asking us to change wedding date</a>:
    [QUOTE]Tell FMIL that you're unable to change the date at this point.  Do not provide a list of reasons, just say "sadly, no".  If she pitches a fit, let FI deal with her, don't get involved.  If she refuses to go, then "I'm so sorry to hear that, you will be missed". Start now, start here, otherwise for your enitre life you will be bending over backwards to please her.
    Posted by deepcovejackie[/QUOTE]

    THIS!!! A thousand times.  She is in serious need of her son telling her to shove off.
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  • ootmother2ootmother2 member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 25 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    Now that I've seen your other post and know the reason is that you've planned your wedding for Good Friday, I think your MIL is 100% correct.

    That is, if this isn't MUD.

    Catholic churches don't marry people on Good Friday.
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  • LHB2011LHB2011 member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mother-of-groom-asking-change-wedding-date?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:ad479623-371d-49f9-826d-51a6ee78dfddPost:3eb36178-273f-49ab-a95a-15601d120797">Re: Mother of groom asking us to change wedding date</a>:
    [QUOTE]Now that I've seen your other post and know the reason is that you've planned your wedding for Good Friday, I think your MIL is 100% correct. That is, if this isn't MUD. Catholic churches don't marry people on Good Friday.
    Posted by ootmother2[/QUOTE]

    That was a different poster/different post.  Interestingly, I'm pretty sure the poster who started the Good Friday post had responded to this one, but it now appears she deleted her response and hasn't shown back up in her own thread.
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  • ootmother2ootmother2 member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 25 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mother-of-groom-asking-change-wedding-date?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:ad479623-371d-49f9-826d-51a6ee78dfddPost:51043eae-a989-4ac0-9023-92ccbf93ac0c">Re: Mother of groom asking us to change wedding date</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Mother of groom asking us to change wedding date : That was a different poster/different post.  Interestingly, I'm pretty sure the poster who started the Good Friday post had responded to this one, but it now appears she deleted her response and hasn't shown back up in her own thread.
    Posted by LHB2011[/QUOTE]

    Sorry, my oops!

    There's a very similar post on another.

    OP, I bow to the other ladies opinions and I apologize for my mistake!
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  • MrsSilverwolfMrsSilverwolf
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    My mother tried to do the same thing, but at the beginning of our planning. Our wedding date falls on a Tuesday, so naturally we know some people won't be able to attend, but the date is significant to us so we stood firm and told my mom no... She didn't flip over it, but long story short, she has fipped out over other things and also thrown tantrums much like your FMIL.

    You need to remember that this is your day, not hers, and stand firm. If she thinks it is a big enough problem to disown you guys or to not show up herself, then she doesn't need to be there anyway. She is putting conditions on love, which as a mother should be unconditional...
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  • joiner521joiner521
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    She needs to mind her own business. That day is not about HER. After all, who are her friends coming to see get married, her or YOU?  How dare she?
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