Moms and Maids

Mom and Diva

We're just over a week until the wedding and my mom keeps telling me how worried she is that my MOH is trying to up-stage my groom and I on our wedding day.  I keep trying to ignore as I have more important things to worry about right now and I'm convinced if MOH really is trying too it'll only make her look like a chump on our wedding day... not reflect badly on us.  However, my Mom being protective keeps telling me I need to reign MOH in.

What she has done (keeps doing) is calling me to tell me changes she is making so that she can look better and stand out at our wedding.  She went to have final alterations on her dress and had the seamstress add a white sash with some "bling" to really make her stand out (her dress is already a different style than anyone else's for the purpose of "being different").  She called to let me know she is leaving after make-up to have her hair done by her stylist so that she can look her best and because he's adding some rhinestone accessories to again "stand out".  She complained about having make-up done (completely optional and not required) and keeps telling everyone she's doing it for me but if it looks bad she's washing it off and doing it herself.  And is complaining about how much she spent on undergarments to make her look skinny (again optional - she paid more than me to "look skinny" and I'm bigger than her).  And these are just some of the things that has come up in the past 3 days.

Am I right in thinking that she's the one who would look bad and it won't take attention away from my fiance and I on our day?  Or should I put my foot down as my mom is suggesting?  I just don't want to start any arguments right before our wedding.

Re: Mom and Diva

  • Habs2HartHabs2Hart member
    2500 Comments Second Anniversary Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Umm... has she shown you these "rhinestone accessories" or the sash?

    I'd be pissed if on of my BMs or my MOH showed up in a big white sash totally blinged out.  Because, well... I hate bling.  I'd also be pissed if she showed up in a tiara.  If she's adding those little tiny screw in rhinestones, then that's one thing, but from the sounds of it, she wants to look halfway between the bride and the bm's. 

    I dunno.  I get letting them accessorize the way you want, but I'd tell her to let you see the things she wants to add to her attire.  That way you can be prepared. 
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  • cyn1812000cyn1812000 member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    No - have not seen either.  She was supposed to send pictures but hasn't.  She did say the sash was removable - so when I do see the sash my plan is to just tell her no.  FI and I are trying to have a simple yet elegant wedding and her attempting to change the dress before the wedding has upset even him.  As far as the hair - unless she shows me the pictures from her practice run I'll have no idea what it looks like until  the day of.  FI also thinks it's going to look bad with his family (his mom, sister, and niece are getting hair and make-up done with me) that my MOH is leaving to have her hair done rather than be with me the day of the wedding.  But again I think that reflects more on her than us.
  • edited December 2011
    You and FI are right - it will reflect on her, not you.  If she wants to be a jackwagon in front of people - that is her choice.  Enjoy your day!
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  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mom-diva?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:aec7787e-af00-47ee-996f-5b556ec356b9Post:cdf537dc-75f6-439d-83b1-425abb1b38be">Re: Mom and Diva</a>:
    [QUOTE]You and FI are right - it will reflect on her, not you.  If she wants to be a jackwagon in front of people - that is her choice.  Enjoy your day!
    Posted by ichellemay1[/QUOTE]

    Just this.  People will pick up on the over abundance of bling.  I don't think the undergarments really matter, and she can get over herself about the make up.
  • edited December 2011
    You are right, it will reflect poorly on her, not you, if she shows up looking like an AW.Was she always like this? I don't see anything wrong with her getting her hair done by her own stylist, though. You could ask her to keep the hair ornaments simple.

    How does your mom know that your MOH is doing these things. If you are telling her, then stop. Tell mom you don't want to discuss the MOH and that you will take care of the situation yourself. After that, end the conversation each time the subject comes up.

    You're only a week a way for your wedding. You are wise not to avoid unnecessary drama. Good luck. Have a beautiful wedding.
                       
  • edited December 2011
    When all is said and done, the only two people who everyone will be looking at is your DH to-be and you. She could have a flashing sign above her head and it would make her look even more stupid but everyone will be looking at you and your FI on your special day. If it were me, I would stop talking about it with your mom because it is just going to stress you out. Enjoy these last few days and congrats on the upcoming wedding!!!

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  • orangecrush32orangecrush32 member
    Third Anniversary 100 Comments 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    Everything she is doing with just reflect badly on her. Don't bring anything up because you don't want any drama right before your wedding.
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  • LoveMuffinsLoveMuffins member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    She's going to "stand out" all right... 

    PP is right, if you're telling your mom about what your MOH is doing - STOP. Or just point out to her that you're the one getting married, and if your MOH wants to dress up and look silly, then it's her own perogative to look like a sad clown at her friend's wedding.
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  • lilcasserslilcassers member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    LOL "jackwagon" is my new favorite word.

    your friend is being a little ridiculous and I would tell her that you love her and appreciate that she likes to be different but that it is your wedding day and you would appreciate that she sticks to wearing what you have suggested.
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  • edited December 2011

    with all the subtle changes she is making she will mostlikely get her wish to "stand out" but i wouldn't worry about it at all. If she spends the entire wedding looking like a skinny sparkly stand-outer all it will do is get her whispered about.

    Nothing good will come from saying anything, and on the day of you have the option to tell her not to wear the sash, and/or make her take off the tiara or whatever but I am thinking you will be a little too preoccupied with the fact that you are about to marry the man of your dreams.

    Get your mom in check though. Something along the lines of " i understand that it bothers you, but i have so much on my mindd right now and i need your help shielding my from any outside stress." and put it on her to keep you from hearing any upsetting details.

    No mater how stupid your MOH looks you will still be maried at the end of the day!

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  • garcias1garcias1 member
    Sixth Anniversary 500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Yep, don't lose any sleep over this.  Perhaps this is stemming from her own insecurities?  Did she just get out of a relationship lately?  I can't believe she is having a test run of her hairdo for your wedding.  Honestly, no one is going to give two shiiits what her hair looks like, except her BF/FI/H and her.  Every girl wants to look nice when they go to a wedding (BM or not), but her attitude suggests that she is overcompensating for something.
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  • trix1223trix1223 member
    5000 Comments 25 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    The center of attention in any wedding is the girl in the big white dress and the handsome guy standing next to her.

    Let this go.  And tell your mom to get a grip.  Tell her that this former MOB and MOG said that no one....not a single person, will upstage the radiant bride and beaming groom on wedding day.
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
  • StephieBowStephieBow member
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    At the end of the day, no matter what she tries to do, she's not the bride.

    You're the bride and the attention will be on you no matter how much bling she adds to her outfit or how done up her hair is.

    I wouldn't lose too much sleep over it, people aren't stupid and the guests will see that she's over done it.

    Just enjoy your day!!!
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  • auds1978auds1978 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    If for some reason it is so bad that something needs to be said. As her son, he needs to talk to her. It would be best if he could see her in her finest before you. It sounds like the two of you are in agreement about the bling, if his reaction without you is "Mom too much!" She will likely respond better to that, then you or your mom nixing her style.
     Congratulations, I hope your wedding is everything you dreamed it to be!
  • jmcbazzjmcbazz member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    We went to a wedding where the bridesmaids went rogue on their dresses.  I think they went to Stripperama and purchased some gowns off of the pole. Anyhow, it was awesome because they looked awful, the bride gorgeous, and the rest of us got a really good laugh at their collective expense.  (Did I mention that their gowns clashed with the brides? Yeah, awesome). 
    So, jealous MOH will only look like a fool. I don't care if you have the biggest hollywood actress as your MOH, nobody outshines the bride on her day.  And anyone who tries just looks foolish! Congratulations & Good Luck!
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