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mother out of line?

my own mother at my first wedding dress shopping, told one of my bridesmaids while i was in the dressing room, that she wishes i wasn't so fat. my bridesmaid reluctantly told me this a few days later. how do i not let my mom ruin this for me?

i know it's true, but isn't this out of line?

Re: mother out of line?

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    edited December 2011
    Do you and your mom usually have a good relationship? Has she done anything like this before?

    The only thing I would be leery of is if you confront your mom or ask her about this, you will be admitting your BM told you, which might put her in an awkward situation if your mother says something to her about telling your or what not.

    If you don' think that will happen, I'd just tell your mom that if she has negative comments about your appearance, you really wish she would keep them to herself, esp. during wedding dress shopping, which is a special time for you and one in which you want to feel beautiful. It hurts you when she says things like that.

    If you think it will continue to be an issue, what about wedding dress shopping without her until you find THE dress? Then bring her to see it on you once you've picked it.

    Again, not knowing your mom, your relationship with her, or the whole situation, it's hard to offer advice, but this is what I might do.


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    KatyRoseMKatyRoseM member
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    edited December 2011
    My mom does things like this, and its just expected.  When my sister got her dress and we got ice cream to celibate my mom told her not to eat it because she would gain weight and not fit in her dress.  When we got my dress she told me I needed to lose 5 lbs to make the dress look good.  My sister confronted her, I lost the weight.  In the end I think my sister's idea was a better one (though I'm happy to be thinner and to remember how to lose weight healthily).  Just say to her, I head you said this, it hurt my feelings, and I'm healthy so this is none of your business.   If you can't be nice about how I look it will hurt our relationship, and I don't want that.   Making it clear how you feel is important and will help you in the long run.
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    bethsmilesbethsmiles member
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    edited December 2011
    Why did your BM tell you this? If one of my friend's mom had said that I would've just kept my mouth shut. But to answer your question, yes its out of line but there really isn't much to do in this situation. My mom has made comments like that before but the only way to not let your mom "ruin this" for you is to just let it go and move on. So what if she thinks that. Your FI thinks your beautiful and I'm sure your mom thinks your beautiful too even if she doesn't say it.


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    tldhtldh member
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mother-out-of-line?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:af4a477e-f5d7-42bc-b892-37066234575bPost:e17138d6-bba6-4030-8e7c-460efbb9263a">Re: mother out of line?</a>:
    [QUOTE]<strong>Why did your BM tell you this? If one of my friend's mom had said that I would've just kept my mouth shut</strong>. But to answer your question, yes its out of line but there really isn't much to do in this situation. My mom has made comments like that before but the only way to not let your mom "ruin this" for you is to just let it go and move on. So what if she thinks that. Your FI thinks your beautiful and I'm sure your mom thinks your beautiful too even if she doesn't say it.
    Posted by bethsmiles[/QUOTE]

    Agreed.  Although I wouldn't have kept my mouth shut.  I would have diplomatically told friend's mom that she was out of line.
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    edited December 2011
    You should tell mom you overheard her remark and it really hurt your feelings.
    I agree the bm shouldn't have repeated your mom's remark. Would you have done that?
                       
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    SSaltzman87SSaltzman87 member
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    edited December 2011
    I do think you need to confront your mother about it, because for a mother to say that about her child is completely unacceptable, not to mention insulting. If my mom did that to me, I'd wonder what exactly she was thinking by saying that and what made that okay in her mind to say.
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    edited December 2011
    thanks for all the replies. i think my mom would find some sort of fault with me- whether it be my weight, my future husband, my hair color-- she is just kind of hateful and i guess she need to belittle me to make herself feel better. i am trying really hard to not take this so personally. i am glad my BM told me- now i know not to include my mom with so much of the planning. she was not too excited about my wedding in the first place, even though i am her only child (she and my dad got divorced almost 10 years ago, and she told me she is "jaded" on weddings- even though she is happily remarried). i don't think i'm going to talk about it with her- nothing good will come from it-she's not going to become a nice, normal mother. having these boards will be good support to get me through this. thanks everybody.
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    edited December 2011
    It sounds like your mom needs to mind her own business.
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    LoveMuffinsLoveMuffins member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Ditto to what everyone else said - also your dress is gorgeous and you look FANTASTIC!
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    Ximena MXimena M member
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    edited December 2011

    My family has not been as supportive as I would like.  I decided to ask a close friend help me instead.  While a part of me is sad, it takes the drama out of things and I am a lot happier.

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    shoebieshoebie member
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mother-out-of-line?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:af4a477e-f5d7-42bc-b892-37066234575bPost:73ed32b5-4399-4962-a49e-266a6dcd60fa">mother out of line?</a>:
    [QUOTE]my own mother at my first wedding dress shopping, told one of my bridesmaids while i was in the dressing room, that she wishes i wasn't so fat. my bridesmaid reluctantly told me this a few days later. how do i not let my mom ruin this for me? i know it's true, but isn't this out of line?
    Posted by eckeec01[/QUOTE]

    <div>Your bridesmaid should not have told you that ! I would simply not invite your mom to future fittings and if she asks where your going and you say a fitting or dress trying on and asks why i would reply wouldn't want to bother you with my fat, She is your mother and that needs to be confronted that is beyond disgusting behavior for any one to say to anyone let alone a mother to her beautiful daughter/ bride to be. </div>
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    edited December 2011
    I don't think it was wrong for the BM to tell you that. I would want to know if my mom, or anyone, was making negative remarks about me to my friends.

    It sounds like you already have a plan on how to avoid being hurt by her during your planning. You look beautiful in that picture....imagine how gorgeous you're going to be on your wedding day!
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    mslokesmslokes member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Just wanted to say you look GORGEOUS in your dress!!!
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mother-out-of-line?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:af4a477e-f5d7-42bc-b892-37066234575bPost:4c8780b2-0e1b-46af-9756-b208b940067d">Re: mother out of line?</a>:
    [QUOTE]<strong>I don't think it was wrong for the BM to tell you that. I would want to know if my mom, or anyone, was making negative remarks about me to my friends.</strong> It sounds like you already have a plan on how to avoid being hurt by her during your planning. You look beautiful in that picture....imagine how gorgeous you're going to be on your wedding day!
    Posted by autumnbreeze26[/QUOTE]


    I totally agree. In fact I would expect my friends to let me know. It makes them feel awkward having to listen to these comments. Id want to be able to squash the me bashing so my friends felt more comfortable planning the wedding with me and my family.

    I think you look beautiful in the dress btw!!

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    deb84deb84 member
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    edited December 2011
    Are you 100% sure your mom actually said this or is your friend the type ot cause drama?
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