MOH Dilemma- Sorry it is long

lgreenhut1112

For many years it has been assumed that my close friend and I would be each other's MOH. Last Nov I got engaged and she wad my MOH end of story.

Day I went to finalize my dress she came and was "sick and miserable" until it came time for her to try on dresses, then she was just fine. Walking all around the store relishing in people telling her she looked great.

She tells me she has to me give an engagement party because she read in a book she had to. I told her please do not worry I'm not expecting one. Instead she half asses one, wouldn't let FI and I invite our parents. Made us leave at 9pm so she could go out with other friends.

We book our venue and she tells me I shouldn't have because that is where she and her bf want to get married. I had no clue, but regardless I thought it was a rude thing to say.

We get engagement pictures done and all she has to say is her boyfriend thought an aspect about them was silly.

She never asks about wedding and I really don't talk about it much. I don't want any of my friends to think I talk too much wedding. Last night in one
sentence I say that we ordered our invites. She does not as one thing about them, but without skipping a beat tells me her custom made ring is
all most ready and when do I think she'll get it. This is the same topic I
had to listen about my entire birthday day.

Am I allowed to be hurt/sad/mildly upset that she is so uninterested?

lgreenhut1112

Sorry for the text errors, still have not mastered typing on the iPad.

vicki0508

She does sound kind of obnoxious.  However, if she's on the verge of getting engaged and is starting to think about planning her wedding, naturally she would care more about her wedding than yours.

And as far as the conversation about invitations, my FI didn't even have any feedback or questions about our invitations.  I asked if he wanted me to send him a picture and he kind of went, "umm....sure?"

Edit - I think you're within your rights to be annoyed, but don't try and "demote" her or "kick her out."

lgreenhut1112

Oh no plans of demoting or kicking out. I just wish I could think of a nice way to say it's hurting me. Everything always circles back to her so if it wasn't her about to get engaged (which Ive been hearing about almost as long as she and her bf have been dating) then it's about something else.

MairePoppy

Your friend has probably always been self-centered, right? She's not going to change now, especially if she thinks that you might be the center of attention for a brief moment.

If she is your very best friend, I think it would be okay to point it out to her, gently, the next time she does it. She will probably deny it and say you are  over sensitive or something to that effect. But she will also be paying closer attention to her own behaviour after that.

StephieBow

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_moh-dilemma-sorry-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:b18e7328-dd96-44aa-970f-7a96acc310ffPost:58f6d524-6485-4f85-97b6-5e81d6aacd72">Re: MOH Dilemma- Sorry it is long</a>:
[QUOTE]Your friend has probably always been self-centered, right? She's not going to change now, especially if she thinks that you might be the center of attention for a brief moment. If she is your very best friend, I think it would be okay to point it out to her, gently, the next time she does it. She will probably deny it and say you are  over sensitive or something to that effect. But she will also be paying closer attention to her own behaviour after that.
Posted by MairePoppy[/QUOTE]

I agree with this!

FutureJilliannD

I detect lots of jealousy here. She probably feels bad that she is not engaged yet. I would be annoyed too. Especially about not letting your parents come to your engagement party?! What is up with that?!

Cynthia1207

She probably is jealous that you are actually getting married and she's still hoping to get engaged soon.  I would take her comments with a grain of salt.  She won't be super interested in your wedding because it's not hers.  That's normal, for EVERYBODY.  My cousin is my MOH and she's getting married in May 2012.  Obviously she's more excited about her wedding than mine.  I'm more excited about mine than hers.  We do continue to respect each other though and I have a feeling your friend is walking right on the line there.  Just tell her that her negative comments hurt your feelings.  That's it.  She should get the point and if she doesn't she's just being immature and inconsiderate.

Muffin'sMom

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_moh-dilemma-sorry-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:b18e7328-dd96-44aa-970f-7a96acc310ffPost:58f6d524-6485-4f85-97b6-5e81d6aacd72">Re: MOH Dilemma- Sorry it is long</a>:
[QUOTE]Your friend has probably always been self-centered, right? She's not going to change now, especially if she thinks that you might be the center of attention for a brief moment. If she is your very best friend, I think it would be okay to point it out to her, gently, the next time she does it. She will probably deny it and say you are  over sensitive or something to that effect. But she will also be paying closer attention to her own behaviour after that.
Posted by MairePoppy[/QUOTE]

Excellent answer Maire!

maisylady12

Dealing with the same situation here. I asked her to be my RSVP for the shower and her response was "She can't because she couldn't possibly handle all the phone calls because she is so busy". Okay then. Ask her what we should do for a bachelorette party, if she had any ideas. "We should go get a cabin somewhere...but I have no money so you'd have to pay for it". I AM NOT KIDDING. THOSE EXACT WORDS CAME OUT OF HER MOUTH. Needless to say we are doing nothing together for the bachelorette party, I am going to the spa, alone. And my mother threw my bridal shower for me because she couldn't make the time to help. We get in a fight about something very insignificant and she tells me she's tired of hearing about my wedding, can't we just talk about her? I do not talk wedding things with her because of the vibe she has given me...the only time I reference it would be a very important thing she needs to know like times and dates. I feel for you, she seems very self absorbed...

HandBanana

I do want to advise you to thnk twice about saying yes to being in her wedding.

This is coming from someone having MOH fun

kellyb1487

think twice def.

lgreenhut1112

If I say no then the friendship will be over. I'm not wanting that but I have to be honest when I say wont be going all gaga about hers like I would have prior to experiencing her attitude with my engagement. Two wrongs don't make a right but I'm going to have a hard time planning big parties and talking details.