Moms and Maids
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I'm starting to regret this

When my best friend got engaged, I was so excited!  She had asked me to be her MOH that day, and of course I said I would do it.  However, we are now a little over a month away from the wedding and I wish I would have told her no.  Due to some financial hardships that my husband and I are facing, I am having a hard time coming up with the money for things.   She keeps asking me for the money for my dress which I don't have right now.  Not to mention there are still some pre wedding things that I have to pay for.  I honestly want out.  I would love to come to her wedding, but I don't want to be a part of it.   I'm so frustrated that she wants me to just fork over all of this money when she knows my situation.  Even her FI told me that they had a hard time making rent this month and they really need that money from me.   When she ordered the dresses, she reassured me that I can pay her back whenever I can and not to worry about it.  But that really doesn't seem to be the case now.  I'm honestly considering taking the dress back, and telling her I'm sorry that I would love to be her MOH, but I just can't afford it.  I don't know what to do.

Re: I'm starting to regret this

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    bethsmilesbethsmiles member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    I think you need to have an honest conversation with her about what is going on with your finances right now. If she is really your friend then she will understand. But since you already have the dress maybe you could set up a payment plan with her, so that you don't have to pay it back all at once but she doesn't feel like you are holding out on her and you won't have to back out of the wedding.

    I'm not sure what pre-wedding things you are talking about, but if it's pre-wedding parties then I'm sure if you talk to her she will understand if you skip those.


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    edited December 2011
    Only a month away from the wedding? How long have you been in the MOH role, and when did these hardships role around? It seems a little too close to the wedding to back out now. I would suggest letting her know right away that you won't be able to pay for any parties, and the dress money is about all you could come up with. I think it would be nice if you could pay her back for the dress BEFORE her wedding if she loaned you the money for it. I mean, you can't go another two years without paying her back if the deal was for you to pay her back. She should have been more specific about "whenever", but you should also not want to be indebted to her for much longer. 
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    SSaltzman87SSaltzman87 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I don't think anyone would knock you for wanting to back out for financial reasons, because honestly- life happens. But, since your dress is essentially bought and paid for, I think an honest conversation with your friend about finances needs to happen. If she's really a friend, she'll understand. Hopefully something can be worked out, best of luck to you :-)
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    White Knot

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    edited December 2011
    The thing is, she is well aware of what's going on.  By pre wedding stuff, I mean the bridal shower and bach. party and stuff.  I'm splitting the cost of the shower with her mom, but it's still a lot.   I'll talk to her about setting up a payment plan.  It's so overwhelming that she wants the money for her dress and I have to pay for the costs of the shower and possibly bach. party,   
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    edited December 2011
    Thanks for all of the suggestions.

     I would love to pay her back asap, but it's just not possible right now.   I'm going to talk to her about everything. 
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    AutumnFairAutumnFair member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    My suggestion, if you haven't had the pre-wedding parties yet you need to talk to her mom about scaling down the bridal shower because your in a financial bind. Same goes with the bachelorette party, you need either scale back big time or cancel all together. As for the dress, do what the others suggested and have a talk with her about setting up some kind of payment plan to ease both your burdens. Good luck.
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    edited December 2011
    Yay! I talked to her and she said that the dress is no that big of a deal. She apologized for making it seem like she was demanding the money right now.   I  think everything is cool now. :) Thanks
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    SSaltzman87SSaltzman87 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    That's great! Glad to hear your friend understood and apologized :-)
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    White Knot

    Planning Bio-Added FOR SALE page, will be adding more stuff to it soon! 
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    mandi921vhmandi921vh member
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    edited December 2011
    I'm really glad things worked out for you :)
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