how to handle Maidzilla?

vwhitney2107

My wedding is still 8 months away and my older sister, who happens to be my MOH, is already driving me crazy!  She wants to know every detail and every decision that is made about the wedding and if she happens to find out that someone else knows something before she does, she flips out! She comes to me and tells me how hurt and surprised she is that I wouldn't fill her in first. There is a lot of planning going on and some things are not set in stone yet. I can't help it if some people hear certain details before she does.

Also, recently I have been looking at bridesmaid dresses. I have 6 bridesmaids in my wedding. At first I was thinking I could go to David's Bridal and pick out the color I wanted and let the girls decide on their own style of dress. But after going to DB, I realized that they just don't have the color that I want. So after doing a lot of research, I found this cute little boutique that can custom make each dress for under $150. I found one style that I absolutely love and I think it would look great on all of my BMs. Plus, since the dresses will be custom made, they will be made to fit each girl exactly where it needs to fit. Every girl is very excited about the dress I picked for them and I haven't heard any complaints from anyone, EXCEPT my sister! She is not only complaining about how "she thinks" the dress will look on her but she is complaining that it won't look right on another BM either because she has wide hips. I know I can't make everyone happy and it's very hard to find one style that will be flattering on every girl but this is the dress I like. It goes well with my vision for my wedding.

I have been in other weddings before and I wasn't always thrilled about what I was asked to wear but I also understood that it was someone else's big day. Not mine. I have a very long fuse and it takes a lot for me to get annoyed or mad about anything but I feel like I'm going to turn into Bridezilla if my sister doesn't lay off. She will go on and on about everything she doesn't like about my wedding and then at the end she'll throw in a "but it's your wedding and I'll do what you want if it makes you happy". If she really wanted to make me happy then why would she feel the need to complain about everything!

Thanks for letting me vent. If anyone has some great advice I am all ears! : )

aerinpegadrak

Re: details - I think you need to sit her down and have a talk with her.  Tell her that you've got it under control, that you don't really need her to be your wedding planner, and that while you love her, she's frankly driving you nuts and she really needs to back off a bit.  Be calm and gentle, but firm, and maybe even tell her that you want certain things, up to even how everything is going to come together, to be a surprise.  And you should probably bring up that you're not going to be very inclined to tell her things if she's just going to be negative about everything.

Re: the dress - Is there a way she can try on something similar before the dress is made?  Maybe she's worried that it's a style that won't look good on her, no matter how well it's tailored.  Also keep in mind that, since she's MOH, no one will bat an eye if she's in a different dress, so if she's really being a pill about it, you can work with her to find something she'd like better.  (Maybe in one of your other wedding colors, or in black with accessories in the color the other girls are wearing.)  I tend to side with the bridesmaids on dress issues, because since they're the ones that must pay for and wear the dress, it should be something they're happy with.  I think it's worth finding a compromise.

SSaltzman87

[QUOTE]Re: the dress - Is there a way she can try on something similar before the dress is made?  Maybe she's worried that it's a style that won't look good on her, no matter how well it's tailored.  Also keep in mind that, since she's MOH, no one will bat an eye if she's in a different dress, so if she's really being a pill about it, you can work with her to find something she'd like better.  (Maybe in one of your other wedding colors, or in black with accessories in the color the other girls are wearing.)  I tend to side with the bridesmaids on dress issues, because since they're the ones that must pay for and wear the dress, it should be something they're happy with.  I think it's worth finding a compromise.
Posted by aerinpegadrak[/QUOTE]

I too think the dress issue is worth compromising on. There are SO many dresses out there. Even though you've found the place that does dresses fairly cheap and tailor them, sometimes even tons of tailoring can't make you look great if the style doesn't work.

Muffin'sMom

Agree with everyone above.  How do you expect her to know how you are feeling if you don't tell her...gently.  Also, I get having a vision...but that part of the vision you are not paying for.  And, while they will probably suck up and wear whatever you want...wouldn't you rather they get to be happy too?

tlbattaglia

I would sit her down and talk to her as well.  Explain how you feel.  It could be worse, you could have a MOH/sister that doesn't care about anything to do with the wedding.  It's not fun that way either.  I wish you luck when talking to her.

lalap69

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_handle-maidzilla?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:b28beb5c-b413-4ab4-ae49-acf0d1fda091Post:4fefe76e-e9b8-4d8c-808f-90a2a89083c2">Re: how to handle Maidzilla?</a>:
[QUOTE]Re: details - I think you need to sit her down and have a talk with her.  Tell her that you've got it under control, that you don't really need her to be your wedding planner, and that while you love her, she's frankly driving you nuts and she really needs to back off a bit.  Be calm and gentle, but firm, and maybe even tell her that you want certain things, up to even how everything is going to come together, to be a surprise.  And you should probably bring up that you're not going to be very inclined to tell her things if she's just going to be negative about everything. Re: the dress - Is there a way she can try on something similar before the dress is made?  Maybe she's worried that it's a style that won't look good on her, no matter how well it's tailored.  Also keep in mind that, since she's MOH, no one will bat an eye if she's in a different dress, so if she's really being a pill about it, you can work with her to find something she'd like better.  (Maybe in one of your other wedding colors, or in black with accessories in the color the other girls are wearing.)  I tend to side with the bridesmaids on dress issues, because since they're the ones that must pay for and wear the dress, it should be something they're happy with.  I think it's worth finding a compromise.
Posted by aerinpegadrak[/QUOTE]
Exactly what Aerin said.

I'll add that I don't think it's odd enough that she thinks the style won't look good on her without trying it on.  After living in your body for a long time, you get a feel for it.  I can usually tell how something will look on me without trying it on too.  Frankly, it's really risky to pick a dress without any of your girls trying it.  See if you can find a dress that's already been made that's similar so that they can try it on first.

kpwedkk

I agree with everyone on this - have a sit down talk with your sister/MOH and explain that you are the bride/wedding planner.  It's great she's involved, but not to the point that she has to hear every ounce of information pertaining to your wedding.  She'll have her own wedding to plan in time, and when that time comes, she can reek havoc on all of the wedding planning...

Have you thought about a different dress for your sister to have?  Since she's the MOH, she doesn't have to fit into what your other bridesmaids are going to wear...

Just a thought!