What's your opinion?

JHMS2010

my future mother in law was explaining what her dress looked like to me and
i just wanted to cry....it's an ivory dress suit. can someone tell me how to go about asking her not to wear it to our wedding!?!?!

georgeygirl22

I had a friend whose MIL wasn't the dress type and she wore a very expensive ivory skirt suit with gold a pearl jewelry to her wedding and she looked stunning.  Are you worried about her wearing the same color as you?  Why does the suit make you want to cry?  I'm pretty sure nobody will be confused by the two of you.

marissa_claire

Does your FMIL look like she's straight from the Desperate Housewives set?  Is she going to add a veil or consider a ballgown perhaps?  Because if not then people will not care too much.  

This rule stems from back in the day when a wedding gown looked more similar to other white dresses (no pantsuits back then.)  If she was wearing a cute white dress that she looked phenomenal in, it would be a different story, but an ivory pantsuit is not breaking any rules in my book.  An ivory pantsuit could never upstage a bride and that's what this whole rule comes from.

Now, on the other hand, if you think she's trying to slight you that's a different story.  Odds are she found something she likes and is comfortable in and I think you should respect that.

SSaltzman87

Unfortunately, you don't get to dictate what she wears-even if it's a ivory dress suit. It'll be blatantly obvious that you're the bride, if that's what you're concerned about. NO ONE will be able to 'steal your thunder' no matter what they wear or do.

aerinpegadrak

There's an old adage that the MOG is supposed to shut up and wear beige.  Ivory is pretty close.

heyimbren

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_whats-opinion?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:b42ece65-efef-43e2-a89d-fe25e0ef5c7fPost:e4a78b95-847a-4545-a52a-1121f41efa97">Re: What's your opinion?</a>:
[QUOTE]The most a bride can do in this case is ignore, ignore, ignore....and take comfort that her guests have also noticed, and are giving her their silent sympathy.
Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]

Yepp. This.

I suppose you could try asking her- but other girls on here have tried and only made things worse by making their FMIL feel insulted.

Trust me- no one can upstage you on your day, and if people care they will side-eye her, not you.

banana468

You and your FMIL are grown women.  Just as she can't control your gown, you can't tell her what to wear.

Unless she's in an ivory long dress resembling a bridal gown, most people will understand that it's a MOB attire and just fine.  Chillax.

jagore08

Just let her wear it.  No one is going to care, besides you, that she's wearing an ivory suit.  As long as she doesn't trip you down the aisle and try to replace you as the bride then it's not a big deal.

MairePoppy

There's no polite way to tell an adult what to wear.

I recently attended a wedding where one of the female guests wore a long, flowing white dress. Many of us gave a side-eye as she made her way down the aisle to take her seat at the ceremony. The bride? If she noticed it, she didn't give any indication. She is too classy to make a big deal of someone else's bad taste. No one mistook the guest  for the bride.

trix1223

My opinion is that you're over-reacting.  It's a suit.  I wear suits a lot.  They can be elegant and very stylish.  My best friend wore a suit to her son's wedding.  She looked smashing.

It's ivory.  And.......  do you think that anyone at your wedding will upstage the girl in the big white dress, wearing a veil, and exchanging vows with the handsome groom?

Really.  Is getting into a snit over a dress (okay, a suit) really how you want to start your married life with the woman who will be in your life for a long, long time?

Your answer to your MIL should be "FMIL, it's lovely, and if you feel beautiful and comfortable in it, then it's the perfect choice for you.  Congratulations on checking "dress" off your to-do list."

ootmother2

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_whats-opinion?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:b42ece65-efef-43e2-a89d-fe25e0ef5c7fPost:e4a78b95-847a-4545-a52a-1121f41efa97">Re: What's your opinion?</a>:
[QUOTE]The most a bride can do in this case is ignore, ignore, ignore....and take comfort that her guests have also noticed, and are giving her their silent sympathy.
Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]

I agree with retread.

It's in poor taste but no one think that YOU have poor taste. There's nothing you can do about it.

Sorry

mkrupar

My opinion is that you have no say in what MOG wears to the wedding. I think an ivory suite would be beautiful. What is it that bothers you about it? Is it that it's a suit or that it's ivory. Either are pretty petty reasons for not liking it, especially if FMIL is super excited to wear it and feels comfrotable in it. No one's going to mistake the 40+ woman in the ivory suit for the bride.

FI's mother wore a sleeveless cocktail dress as her MOB dress to his sister's wedding and looked fabulous. She even said she knew it wasn't a traditional MOB dress, but that her and FFIL were going on a cruise shortly after the wedding and it would work for both occasions. I say let it go. Makinga big deal out of it will only cause problems.

lalap69

Both of my grandmothers wore formal ivory dress suits to my sister's wedding.  One, I didn't even realize until months later when I was looking through the pictures again.  The other I only realized because my sister had to talk her into it because she was worried about the colour.  Honestly, you probably won't even notice on the day of.  This is NOT a big deal, certainly not something that's worth your tears.

Muffin'sMom

All I can say is that these ladies have given you excellent advice.  I hope you take it!

[Deleted User]

Yup, you can't dictate what a grown women wears. It will be fine. I almost had a heart attack when I learned that both mother's had chosen a shade of purple dress when that was one of our wedding colors. Everything turned out just fine and the pics were fine, too.

joannerryan

Also, be prepared to see other guests wearing white or ivory. I go to about 3 weddings per year and EVERY time, there are 2-3 girls wearing white or ivory dresses. EVERY. TIME. So I wouldn't bother trying to control or worry about what your family members are wearing, because, after all the stress, someone you've never even met might surprise you and show up in an ivory dress. I actually had a lady at Bebe tell me that a floor length WHITE maxi dress was acceptable to wear to my cousin's wedding "because it's boho and doesn't look like a wedding dress." Needless to say, I bought the dress in ORANGE, thanks very much.
You'll be on cloud 9 on your wedding day!!! No matter what type of attire you see.

ehathewa

My FMIL chose to wear a white dress even though the person helping her at the store told her not to.  (Sighs and shakes head).  I am wearing ivory.  I don't think that there will be any confusion about who is the bride.  (And no confusion about who is a nutter). 

MacFreitas7

Personally, I would be absolutely FURIOUS.

Ugh, I can't stand it when people where white or shades of white and ivory to a wedding, I mean for ONE day can you just NOT wear that damn color???

Maybe they dont' do it intentionally, but it would still bother the H out of me!

You can ABSOLUTELY tell your FMIL how you feel about the ivory suit and how you can't freakin believe that she would wear an ivory suit.

my sis-in-law felt the same way that you do. Her mom wore this elaborate champagne gown and she never said anything to her... now she regrets that she let her own mother get away with it.

I would be SO SO upset, especially if someone that was actually not JUST a guest.. she's your FMIL wore ivory/White... you really can't tell your guests what to wear... but you should EXPECT your FMIL to NOT wear the same damn color you are!

GL.

jess9802

Please don't stress about what someone is going to wear to your wedding. It really does not reflect badly on you. Besides, someone else is going to show up in some hideously inappropriate outfit and that person will probably end up in many of your wedding pictures. PIck your battles!

SeptemberFall2011

Just tell her no.  And if you need to get the fiance's help.

AerikaAwright

I think it's annoying and in poor taste, but that you can't do anything about it. 

I understand where you're coming from, my mother has decided to wear the same colors as my bridesmaids and my MIL wants to wear a pants suit to a formal wedding, I just got so annoyed trying to deal with it I let it go. I told my mother I was wearing red shoes to match my BM's dresses and that it was going to be my special thing. She told her best friend and my grandmother and they should all wear red shoes...

Wedding seem to bring out the worst in people, but sadly you can't tell her to change without it causing a huge argument. 

trix1223

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_whats-opinion?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:b42ece65-efef-43e2-a89d-fe25e0ef5c7fPost:ea895b4f-25ca-4a3d-9479-8add4c4f9bef">Re: What's your opinion?</a>:
[QUOTE]Personally, I would be absolutely FURIOUS. Ugh, I can't stand it when people where white or shades of white and ivory to a wedding, I mean for ONE day can you just NOT wear that damn color??? Maybe they dont' do it intentionally, but it would still bother the H out of me! <strong>You can ABSOLUTELY tell your FMIL how you feel about the ivory suit and how you can't freakin believe that she would wear an ivory suit.</strong> my sis-in-law felt the same way that you do. Her mom wore this elaborate champagne gown and she never said anything to her... now she regrets that she let her own mother get away with it. I would be SO SO upset, especially if someone that was actually not JUST a guest.. she's your FMIL wore ivory/White... you really can't tell your guests what to wear... but you should EXPECT your FMIL to NOT wear the same damn color you are! GL.
Posted by MacFreitas7[/QUOTE]

Yes, that's a fine idea.  Begin married life with the woman who will be in your life for a long time, and who will be the grandmother of your children by throwing a temper tantrum over a dress.  That's a really excellent idea.  Really, really excellent.  It will surely enhance your relationship with your FMIL.

lalap69

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_whats-opinion?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:b42ece65-efef-43e2-a89d-fe25e0ef5c7fPost:4c5472e4-1a5e-458c-a051-1742dfd5ba5f">Re: What's your opinion?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: What's your opinion? : Yes, that's a fine idea.  Begin married life with the woman who will be in your life for a long time, and who will be the grandmother of your children by throwing a temper tantrum over a dress.  That's a really excellent idea.  Really, really excellent.  It will surely enhance your relationship with your FMIL.
Posted by trix1223[/QUOTE]
Where's the like button?

This, exactly.

MacFreitas7

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_whats-opinion?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:b42ece65-efef-43e2-a89d-fe25e0ef5c7fPost:aa9ea148-a88a-4581-8d14-9ec6c3f09024">Re: What's your opinion?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: What's your opinion? : Where's the like button? This, exactly.
Posted by lalap69[/QUOTE]

haha. that's so funny because that's exactly what I said to do.. "throw a temper tantrum. Yup, glad you read it correctly!... wow.

first of all OP asked our opinions and I gave it to her.
next on the list is that while YOU may think that this is going to start off their lives together as an AWFUL thing... how it will feel for the poor bride in this case OP who feels and clearly stated that "she just wanted to cry" because of her FMIL's choice of attire to just keep her mouth shut?
Does that mean that everyday for the next 100 years they are married FDIL (OP) will voice her opinion on EVERYTHING every single day with her MIL? NO. ALL I'm saying is that... it is HER wedding day and she should be able to (in the most polite and acceptable manner) - yeah, that's sarcasm for you... to tell her FMIL how she FEELS about it...
receipts are usually good for at least 90 days after purchase.. and i'm sure FMIL would want to know how it makes her FDIL feel.. she wouldn't want to start off on the wrong foot would she?

OP- It's your wedding and it's ultimately your family... the decision is really up to you... You could even have your FI say something to her...
Never once did I say pull a bridezilla on her behind and flip out... I did say tell her how you feel... there is no harm in that...

Clearly it bothers you or you wouldn't have otherwised posted it. I'm sorry that when you ask for opinions some of them are wrong. (I guess in this case it's mine) but what do i know.. i'm just a bride to be who knows what she wants and isn't afraid to speak her mind in a non bride-zilla way of course.

bfuller1085

Haha 100% agree trix. Dont get me wrong, I would be furious too, but in all honesty Im expecting my FMIL to pull something like that just b/c she knows it digs. I love her to death but she has 1 daughter and 3 DILs (including myself) and every week she picks someone new to dig at. When my FSIL had her wedding a month ago, FMIL spent almost the entire month pior, digging! She went so far as to schedule a surgery 10 days before the wedding b/c she was so upset that the BRIDE (who paid for the whole wedding) was getting her way!!

So as much as I understand the frustration, DO NOT start married life with a huge fight like that. From someone in a very similar situation. Laugh and walk away. Youre the bride and everyone will see that shes trying for attention. She wont get it. Its still YOUR day! Good Luck!

aerinpegadrak

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_whats-opinion?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:b42ece65-efef-43e2-a89d-fe25e0ef5c7fPost:f228d3d0-3557-4418-bce0-12a0b71705a3">Re: What's your opinion?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: What's your opinion? : i'm just a bride to be who knows what she wants and isn't afraid to speak her mind in a non bride-zilla way of course.
Posted by MacFreitas7[/QUOTE]
Just keep telling yourself that.

MacFreitas7

In Response to Re: What's your opinion?:

In Response to Re: What's your opinion? : Just keep telling yourself that.
Posted by aerinpegadrak

haha.
you're so funny.
Too bad you can't understand sarcasm on TK. it's just doesn't work when it's typed I guess.

Why are all of you so worried that by OP talking to her FMIL is going to start another World War?

PenelopeSnuz

Why is the color of dresses people wear to weddings a big deal?  I don't understand the temper tantrums chics throw because someone is wearing a dress in a color close to what a wedding dress might possibly be...

Get over it.  No one will be able to take the wind out of your pretty princess day if you don't let them!

MacFreitas7

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_whats-opinion?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:b42ece65-efef-43e2-a89d-fe25e0ef5c7fPost:ea895b4f-25ca-4a3d-9479-8add4c4f9bef">Re: What's your opinion?</a>:
[QUOTE]Personally, I would be absolutely FURIOUS. Ugh, I can't stand it when people where white or shades of white and ivory to a wedding, I mean for ONE day can you just NOT wear that damn color??? Maybe they dont' do it intentionally, but it would still bother the H out of me! You can ABSOLUTELY tell your FMIL how you feel about the ivory suit and how <strong>you can't freakin believe that she would wear an ivory suit.</strong> my sis-in-law felt the same way that you do. Her mom wore this elaborate champagne gown and she never said anything to her... now she regrets that she let her own mother get away with it. I would be SO SO upset, especially if someone that was actually not JUST a guest.. she's your FMIL wore ivory/White... you really can't tell your guests what to wear... but you should EXPECT your FMIL to NOT wear the same damn color you are! GL.
Posted by MacFreitas7[/QUOTE]

BTW this is sarcasm... I hope you would not start a conversation with anyone with "I can't freakin believe you..."

<img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-innocent.gif" border="0" alt="Innocent" title="Innocent" />

aerinpegadrak

Sorry, nothing in any of your posts reads as sarcasm.  It just reads like genuinely self-centered advice.

heyimbren

What happens if a bride decides to wear a coloured dress? Like red for example? Can no one else wear red?

The way I see it, it's just a colour. But like I said in my first post, she could try talking to her if it mattered that much. But in the big scheme of things, I don't think people are really going to care.