This weekend FI and I spent time in FI's hometown with his parents. While there, we told them that we had finalized the guest list, but we'd ultimately had to make some cuts to stay on budget. They were curious as to who was cut, and when we told them that some of their extended family (i.e. second cousins and whatnot) had been cut, FI's mom threw a fit and said that if we didn't invite these people that she and FSIL, who is the MOH, would refuse to throw the bridal shower that they have promised for months now.
FFIL, whose cousins were the ones that were cut, isn't upset about it. He's said that the best rule of thumb would be not to invite any of the extended family and make sure to not pick and choose. However, he said that if we invited them, he would cover the cost of their food and cake. That is great and all, but FI just doesn't want these people at the wedding. FMIL thinks that I told FI not to invite these people even after we both told her that this was his decision and his alone.
Then FMIL started making snarky comments about how she couldn't understand why we are having such an expensive wedding in the first place. We're not, btw. Our wedding budget is about $7,000. It made me angry because she knows my mom is paying for this wedding as a gift to FI and me, and she's complaining that it is too expensive/complaining that my mom didn't budget enough money to add in all of FI's extended family. We're trying to have a small wedding of less than 80 people. I'm not inviting extended family and FI and I both have had to cut people from the guest list that we want there to make budget. She doesn't care. She wants those people there regardless of how FI and I feel or whether my mom can afford it.
Anyway, I guess I'm just annoyed with the situation, so this is more of a rant and less about asking for advice. FI and I haven't decided whether or not to take FFIL up on his offer. The extra money could be helpful, but it comes with a price which we're not sure if we want to pay. I just couldn't believe she said she'd cancel the bridal shower if I don't invite these people. I thought you threw showers to honor a person and you did it because you wanted to from the bottom of your heart. I didn't know it was going to be a bargaining chip. Plus, she had already let my family know that they would be invited when the time came because she knew my family wasn't going to throw one. Hers was going to be it.
For the record:
1) I know I'm not owed a shower.
2) I know that I can just politely decline the shower.
3) I also know that we can politely decline the money, do the wedding our way, and hear about it for years to come.
4) For the record, these extended family members were added on after our previous final guest list. She saw the list we had prepared and wrote them in. Basically, we just went back in and cut them out along with a few other random people to make sure we stayed within budget. These weren't people we had originally intended to invite in the first place.
We just don't know what to do yet. We're debating options, but I felt like posting on here and venting and seeing what other people's thoughts were.
Oh, and for what it's worth, this happened while we were out to lunch. She got up and walked out causing a huge scene. Not cool. Not cool at all.