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Pregger BM

One of my bridesmaids is going to be 37 weeks pregnant at our wedding. She said she still wants to be in it, but I think that it would be better for her to do some other things for the wedding so she can be comfy and if anything happens before the wedding there wouldn't be any stress about losing a BM.

How do I let her know?

Katie Parhamovich Pregnancy Ticker

Re: Pregger BM

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    edited December 2011
    It should really be your BMs decision for what she wants her role in the wedding to be.  If she says she is comfortable staying a BM, let her.  Do not demote her and find another job for her.  If she is giving birth or on bedrest during your wedding, then you'll just have one less BM standing in the front of the ceremony.  That's not the end of the world.  You may want to arrange for a chair to be set up for her so that she doesn't have to stand very long.
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_pregger-bm?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:b69aac3b-98ea-43e1-a1f0-2127adf916a4Post:86e50762-f692-452c-afbc-80e9101b7c0e">Pregger BM</a>:
    [QUOTE]One of my bridesmaids is going to be 37 weeks pregnant at our wedding. She said she still wants to be in it, but I think that it would be better for her to do some other things for the wedding so she can be comfy and if anything happens before the wedding there wouldn't be any stress about losing a BM. How do I let her know?
    Posted by kplant27[/QUOTE]

    I agree with SaraAndrew...there's no need to drop her or find something else for her to do.  She will know if she can be in the wedding, and all she has to do as BM is get a dress (work with her on this) walk down the aisle, and pose for pictures.  Provide a chair just in case she needs it, but there's no reason she should be demoted or made to do something else.  I have a friend who gave birth last year, and she worked her full-time job as an attorney all the way up to a week before her due date.  She was fine and so was the baby.  Your BM may be the same way, and if it doesn't work out that way, she'll drop out on her own, but don't replace her if she does.
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    AutumnFairAutumnFair member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_pregger-bm?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:b69aac3b-98ea-43e1-a1f0-2127adf916a4Post:86e50762-f692-452c-afbc-80e9101b7c0e">Pregger BM</a>:
    [QUOTE]One of my bridesmaids is going to be 37 weeks pregnant at our wedding. She said she still wants to be in it, but I think that it would be better for her to do some other things for the wedding so she can be comfy and if anything happens before the wedding there wouldn't be any stress about losing a BM. How do I let her know?
    Posted by kplant27[/QUOTE]

    <div>She has already said that she wants to be in it so leave...her...alone. It is NOT your decision to remove her or find a different "job". If you kick her out or change her to something stupid like guestbook you are going to not only hurt her feelings but strain if not end your friendship. You will also look like a Bridezilla to many people in the circle you two are in. </div><div>
    </div><div>If you want to make sure she is comfortable have her sit for the ceremony (totally her decision). In some weddings I've been everyone besides the MOH/BM sit. The WP only comes up for the beginning and the end of the ceremony. If something happens (early labor, bed rest, whatever) then just go with uneven sides, DO NOT REPLACE HER. Once again you have a good chance of hurting her feelings and it is generally just rude because NO ONE should be replaceable. </div>
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    aerinpegadrakaerinpegadrak member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_pregger-bm?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:b69aac3b-98ea-43e1-a1f0-2127adf916a4Post:86e50762-f692-452c-afbc-80e9101b7c0e">Pregger BM</a>:
    [QUOTE]One of my bridesmaids is going to be 37 weeks pregnant at our wedding. She said she still wants to be in it, but I think that it would be better for her to do some other things for the wedding so she can be comfy and if anything happens before the wedding there wouldn't be any stress about losing a BM. How do I let her know?
    Posted by kplant27[/QUOTE]
    You don't.  If SHE feels it would be too much, she'll let you know.  But that's not your decision to make.  There's no "stress" about losing a BM, you just readjust the processional as necessary and send her bouquet to the hospital.
    This is a neglected planning bio.
    This is a belated married bio, with no reviews yet because I'm lazy.

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    Sometimes I feel like people think that brides are delicate little flower princesses who get all dressed up and pretty for one special moment of their dreams, when really they're just normal people who just happen to be getting married. Things shouldn't have to be sugar-coated for grown-ass women. -mstar284
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    bablingbrookebablingbrooke member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    This isn't a decision you can or should make for her.  She says she wants to be in the wedding.  Respect that decision.  To remove her otherwise is disrespecting her wishes and comfort, which is the exact opposite of what you claim you want to do.  So leave well enough alone.  If she changes her mind, she changes her mind.  Learn to go with the flow and be flexible--it will definitely help you with those unexpected bumps in the road that come with marriage.
    Courtesy of megk8oz
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    "I think bablingbrooke is the 13 yr old marring her cousin at the town hall. Lets all give her a big hand. And hope her inbred children can live normal lives." -tabs.

    A word of warning from your friends at Cracked.com: Remember that text is going to be how you make your first impression over the internet; if every third word you type is misspelled, people will automatically assume that you're a moron.
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_pregger-bm?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:b69aac3b-98ea-43e1-a1f0-2127adf916a4Post:380e6872-78e6-4d65-9720-e1277fc26f35">Re: Pregger BM</a>:
    [QUOTE]This isn't a decision you can or should make for her.  She says she wants to be in the wedding.  Respect that decision.  To remove her otherwise is disrespecting her wishes and comfort, which is the exact opposite of what you claim you want to do.  So leave well enough alone.  If she changes her mind, she changes her mind.  Learn to go with the flow and be flexible--it will definitely help you with those unexpected bumps in the road that come with marriage.
    Posted by bablingbrooke[/QUOTE]


    this!
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    jemmini6jemmini6 member
    5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment First Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    She's pregnant, not dead.  If she still wants to be in the wedding, I don't see what the problem is.  Offer her a chair if she needs one, otherwise she's no different being pregnant than not pregnant.
    Anniversary
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    edited December 2011
    Thanks for all the opinions ---- I just needed some other ones rather than my family. She is going to be in the wedding --- I am the type of person that wants to make everyone else comfy and happy before me. I am not going to do anything about it and just go on with the way things are right now.
    Thanks again! Laughing
    Katie Parhamovich Pregnancy Ticker
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    mkruparmkrupar member
    5 Love Its First Comment First Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_pregger-bm?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:b69aac3b-98ea-43e1-a1f0-2127adf916a4Post:86e50762-f692-452c-afbc-80e9101b7c0e">Pregger BM</a>:
    [QUOTE]One of my bridesmaids is going to be 37 weeks pregnant at our wedding. She said she still wants to be in it, <strong>but I think that it would be better for her to do some other things for the wedding</strong> so she can be comfy and if anything happens before the wedding there wouldn't be any stress about losing a BM. How do I let her know?
    Posted by kplant27[/QUOTE]

    Too bad this isn't your decision to make. She's pregnant, not an invalid. If she needs a chair to sit in for the ceremony, be accommodating. If she needs to leave early because she's tired, be accommodating. If she has the baby early and can't make it to the wedding, be accommodating. (Are you noticing a patern in my advice?)

    She's made the decision to stand with you even though she's going through this momentous, life altering, even herself. I would be honored to have a friend that was going to be that pregnant still willing to stand up with me knowing she'll probably be tired and uncomfortable. She's told you what she wants to do so respect her decision.
    image
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    trix1223trix1223 member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I worked until 15 minutes before my water broke for my first child.  Being pregnant is not a disablilty, and pregnant women are perfectly capable of walking 50 feet down an aisle, and even standing through a wedding ceremony.

    She's the pregnant woman here.  She makes the calls about what she wants to do and what she's capable of doing.  No one else.  If she tells you she wants to be in the wedding, your reply should be "Hooray!!!!"

    Oh, and I hate the word preggers. 
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
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    bablingbrookebablingbrooke member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_pregger-bm?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:b69aac3b-98ea-43e1-a1f0-2127adf916a4Post:4f4732c0-fb12-43c9-819c-fde7e18c1070">Re: Pregger BM</a>:
    [QUOTE]Thanks for all the opinions ---- I just needed some other ones rather than my family. She is going to be in the wedding --- I am the type of person that wants to make everyone else comfy and happy before me. I am not going to do anything about it and just go on with the way things are right now. Thanks again!
    Posted by kplant27[/QUOTE]
    Bravo!
    Courtesy of megk8oz
    image
    "I think bablingbrooke is the 13 yr old marring her cousin at the town hall. Lets all give her a big hand. And hope her inbred children can live normal lives." -tabs.

    A word of warning from your friends at Cracked.com: Remember that text is going to be how you make your first impression over the internet; if every third word you type is misspelled, people will automatically assume that you're a moron.
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    AutumnFairAutumnFair member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_pregger-bm?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:b69aac3b-98ea-43e1-a1f0-2127adf916a4Post:4f4732c0-fb12-43c9-819c-fde7e18c1070">Re: Pregger BM</a>:
    [QUOTE]Thanks for all the opinions ---- I just needed some other ones rather than my family. She is going to be in the wedding --- I am the type of person that wants to make everyone else comfy and happy before me. I am not going to do anything about it and just go on with the way things are right now. Thanks again!
    Posted by kplant27[/QUOTE]

    <div>Good to hear. Trust me, sometimes people (not even yourself) bring up things that should never be an issue and try to make them one (unintended or not). You just have remember that this is your friend, and wedding "visions" should never triumph over a close friend's feelings because last time I checked a wedding is one day, a friendship can spanned for many years. </div>
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    lalap69lalap69 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I'm glad you're going to leave the decision to her.
    Planning Our Wedding - Updated 04/11/11
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    jcamm11jcamm11 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    My FSIL emailed me 2 days ago telling me she was 7 weeks pregnant and would be due about 3 weeks after our wedding.  She wanted to give me a heads-up in case I wasn't 'up to the challenge' of having a preg BM, and that she felt really bad and it was really ebbing at her.  She played it really cool like it wouldn't matter to her if I wanted her to sit out.  I said I thought prego-BMs were adorable but that it was her decision as to what she was comfortable with.  She was so happy I still wanted her in the WP.  I kinda feel bad that she ever worried I'd be mad and not let her be in the wedding.

    I agree with PPs, let her be in the wedding.  That would probably really hurt her feelings if you kicked her out.
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    edited December 2011
    My sister-in-law (and BM) is due 1 week after our wedding...and I love the idea of sending her bouquet to the hospital in case she goes ealy!
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