Bridesmaid Situation!

lady jane

Hi Ladies,

I am writing as the SIL of the bride - I'm a former knot.com junkie, and it's my husband's sister who is getting married this fall.

I've known my SIL since she was 12 (12 years now), and have a pretty good (great?) relationship with her.  We don't talk everyday, but we get along really well.  She calls and asks opinions from me on all sorts of things - including different aspects of her wedding.

Here's where the 'situation' comes in.  My 2 daughters and my husband have been asked to be in her wedding.  And all of my SIL's cousins (4), which is everyone in 'this' generation.  Her fiance has asked his only brother to be in the wedding, and has also left out his SIL (who he is NOT close with and really doesn't like). 

I'm feeling totally left out, not to mention, pretty hurt.  {She was, of course, in our wedding.  And to add insult to injury, my family is suprised that she'd leave me out}

Should I bring it up to her, asking how I can be a part of her day?  She keeps asking my opinions about wedding decisions, and is (of course) totally excited....and sometimes I can fake it and smile and act excited, and other times I just can't!  I feel like a total baby!  : )

Suggestions, opinions?  I *DO* understand that this is 'her' day.   

sister2groom

I can see being hurt at not being included, but maybe there were other factors. You know maybe she would have felt obligated to ask her FI's SIL if she asked you, but if they kept it to blood relations only it would be less compicated.

vicki0508

Ditto PPs.  Additionally, don't approach her about it.  Don't ask her if there's anything you can do, because you might get stuck being the guest book attendant (or something else equally lame) because she feels obligated to find something for you to do. 

MRads

Ditto PPs.  Just a thought, though, since a lof of your immediate family members (H and 2 daughters) are in the wedding, she might not have wanted to put too much financial burden on your family.  I know its really on the bride and groom to make sure that their party can afford their wedding, but they might be worried about asking for four people from the family to be in it.   

vicki0508

I've seen where some brides don't want the mom and dads of FGs in the WP because somebody needs to be in charge of wrangling the kids.  Hopefully that's not the reason in this situation.

garcias1

I can understand why you feel hurt.  But I don't think it would be fair to her to bring it up, because you will be putting her on the spot.  Lurk these boards and you will read posts from brides who have been confronted by friends and family for not asking them to be in the wedding.  I can understand why it's hurtful that she's constantly bringing up the wedding to you.  I would try to change the subject when she brings it up.

lady jane

Yep, you guys rock.  : )  Thanks for setting me straight - I know she's wants a 'small' wedding party, and I am grateful to not have to drop $300 on a dress & accessories, etc etc. 

And you're right, by confronting her, I thought, 'oh no, what if she says I can be one of the readers at church or something?' <-something i wouldnt want to do anyway.  i just wanted to be able to explain my flakiness about being excited for her wedding. 

I guess i'll just hold out that it will get easier to swallow as time goes on.  it's just a bummer to hear that the 'bridal party is doing ____", or whatever, and feel like my whole family is included except me.  I guess I get to hang out on the sidelines with the random aunts and uncles?!

Thanks for your thoughts, I appreciate it!  : )

AutumnFair

I think the other ladies have already given the best advice, and I'm glad you are open enough to take it.

As for her constant wedding talk if you are starting to get tired of it (and I don't blame ya), then it is time to implement the old "bean dip" routine. So next time she starts going on and on about her wedding either answer and change the subject, or answer and say, "well, I have X thing to do now. TTYL".