Moms and Maids

wedding party problems: 4 groomsmen and 0 bridesmaids

I thought that we had a lot of the details of the wedding figured out; for example, we weren't going to have a wedding party--just a flower girl and ring bearer.

My fiance recently told me that he doesn't want it to be that way--that having no bridal party is stupid--and that he wants his brothers and some close friends to be his groomsmen because this day is important to him and he wants these people up there with him.  I told him I understood and that was fine, but that I wasn't going to have bridesmaids.  Then he said that was stupid, too--that I had to have bridesmaids.  

The problem is that even if I'd like to have bridesmaids, I don't have anyone to ask.  I don't have any sisters, and, at this point in my life, I don't have any  friends.  I have very few cousins, none of which are planning on attending my wedding.  My fiance told me to include his sister (although he wasn't planning on including my one-and-only brother as one of his groomsmen); I am in no way close to his sister and she's really weird, but I would consider adding her out of principle if she wasn't going to be the only one.  He also named two former coworkers of mine (from a job I quit a few months ago), but I am not comfortable asking them and I certainly don't think they would be comfortable being asked.

I'm not trying to be difficult.  I honestly wish I had people to ask.  I always dreamed of a wedding surrounded by those closest to me--the friends that I could call at 2 am when I was on the verge of a breakdown or just really needed to talk.  Unfortunately, I don't have these people in my life right now, and I'm loathe to ask people just to have warm bodies.

I can tell that this is really important to my fiance, but I just don't know how to compromise on this one.  He's right when he says that it will look stupid to have four or five groomsmen up there and no bridesmaids, plus I'm not exactly thrilled to emphasize my lack of friends.

I also know that suddenly adding a wedding party will screw with my budget, but I'm willing to try and figure that out if I can overcome the problem of finding people in the first place.

And now I don't even recall how we came to the decision of no wedding party.  Did I make some executive decision and he just went along with it until now?  I don't remember...

Please, if you have any advice, I'm all ears.
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Re: wedding party problems: 4 groomsmen and 0 bridesmaids

  • edited December 2011
    I wasn't planning on having a wedding party either and FI has many guy friends he would like standing up with him.  Most of my friends are guys and I only have male cousins and two brothers. 

    I did decide to ask my SIL and FI's cousin to be BMs.  (BTW, my SIL will probably be giving birth at the time, as her due date is on my wedding day, so that just leaves FI's cousin!)  That's it.  He has about 8 guys.  The "sides" will be uneven, but it's a non-issue for us.

    I wouldn't ask girls to be in your WP just because you need people as space fillers.  If he wants to have people standing up there with him, great.  That doesn't mean you need to.
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  • VRLVRL
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I have to say, I'm sorry you're in this position.

    I wish your FI had really taken your feelings into account before lining up four groomsmen after the mutual decision to not have a wedding party.

    That being said, the only person who gets a say in your wedding party is *you*; and if you choose not to have one, your FI has to respect that. I also agree that you shouldn't ask someone to be in your WP just to fill a position; that would be hurtful to the person you'd ask.

    However, I can appreciate how it would feel to have your FI standing with four of his nearest and dearest on your wedding day, and there be no one standing up for you.

    I'm sure you've had close friends in your life before, and likely due to life and circumstance, those friendship have faded into the background. Perhaps it's time to reach out to these friends again, and try to rekindle what you had in the past.

    Don't do it to fill spots in a WP - do it for yourself, so you can have those close girlfriends you can call at 2 am in the midst of a breakdown.

    If your rekindling attempts work, and you find yourself with the close girlfriends you've been missing, then you could consider asking them to join you on one of the most important days of your life.

    And if you find yourself with WP members, don't stress about the BM dress - just ask them to pick a beautiful dress from their closets. Everyone will know they are the BMs when they see them holding flowers, walking down the aisle, and standing next to you.

    Good luck.



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  • vicki0508vicki0508 member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    You could have your brother stand up on your side.  That way you aren't adding random girls so you have BMs and you get to have your brother be in the WP.

    I wouldn't let your FI push you into asking these seemingly random girls to be BMs.  It's perfectly fine for him to have GM and for you to not have any BMs, and he if has a problem with it, he needs to get over it.

    It's way weirder to have random place fillers in your WP than not having a WP at all.
  • vicki0508vicki0508 member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_wedding-party-problems-4-groomsmen-0-bridesmaids?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:b89be006-a508-45b4-acc6-176fcebad4d7Post:6adaab07-6eed-4881-8d8d-5e7929fea919">Re: wedding party problems: 4 groomsmen and 0 bridesmaids</a>:
    [QUOTE]Ok I would say def.add his sister, even if you are not close, but as a good will guesture. Also since he wants to modify, let him know you will require your ONLY brother in the wedding as well. As far as finding women, you just need three more....any cool friends you ahve lost touch with? Or really how much time do you have before the wedding, maybe there is time to get out and bond..... Good luck hun!
    Posted by valytrice[/QUOTE]
    I don't like this advice.  Don't add women hoping to develop a relationship with them.  If you have to struggle to think of women to add to your WP, then you shouldn't be adding them.
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_wedding-party-problems-4-groomsmen-0-bridesmaids?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:b89be006-a508-45b4-acc6-176fcebad4d7Post:6adaab07-6eed-4881-8d8d-5e7929fea919">Re: wedding party problems: 4 groomsmen and 0 bridesmaids</a>:
    [QUOTE]Ok I would say def.add his sister, even if you are not close, but as a good will guesture. Also since he wants to modify, let him know you will require your ONLY brother in the wedding as well. As far as finding women,<strong> you just need three more....any cool friends you ahve lost touch with?</strong> Or really how much time do you have before the wedding, maybe there is time to get out and bond..... Good luck hun!
    Posted by valytrice[/QUOTE]

    What?  Kind of reminds me of the movie "I love you man".  OP, have your brother stand up on your side, if you would like him in the WP.  It will look unique to have a WP consisting of guys only.  Don't ask random people, or force friendship just to fill slots in the lineup for one day.
  • KnibletKniblet member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    [QUOTE]You could have your brother stand up on your side.  That way you aren't adding random girls so you have BMs and you get to have your brother be in the WP. I wouldn't let your FI push you into asking these seemingly random girls to be BMs.  It's perfectly fine for him to have GM and for you to not have any BMs,
    Posted by vicki0508[/QUOTE]

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  • McKenna2012McKenna2012 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I would say ask your brother to stand on your side and don't worry about having anyone else. 
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  • trix1223trix1223 member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_wedding-party-problems-4-groomsmen-0-bridesmaids?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:b89be006-a508-45b4-acc6-176fcebad4d7Post:6adaab07-6eed-4881-8d8d-5e7929fea919">Re: wedding party problems: 4 groomsmen and 0 bridesmaids</a>:
    [QUOTE]Ok I would say def.add his sister, even if you are not close, but as a good will guesture. Also since he wants to modify, let him know you will require your ONLY brother in the wedding as well. <strong>As far as finding women, you just need three more....any cool friends you ahve lost touch with? Or really how much time do you have before the wedding, maybe there is time to get out and bond.....</strong> Good luck hun!
    Posted by valytrice[/QUOTE]

    valytrice:  that is just awful advice. The OP might as well use Craig's List to find pretend BMs.  That makes as much sense as digging up old friends to be in a WP.  Wouldn't YOU find it odd if some random HS friend called and asked you to be a BM?  I would.

    But hey, good luck to you.
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
  • IndigoRainIndigoRain member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    If it was me, I'd have some of his guys stand on your side as well, and add your brother as your man-of-honor. That way it's more even, and you two are surrounded by the people close to you, even if they all happen to be men. I think it would look cool.
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