Moms and Maids

Should I be upset about this?

I just found out that my FI was planning a surprise B-Day party for me in about 2 weeks.  It was supossed to be at my moms house.  When he called my mom to talk about details and to see if she needed more $ for anything she tells him they need to cancel the party because her sister in law just got engaged and they are having their engagement party the same day as my suprise party.  I feel really hurt by this.  My FI has been planning this for a couple months and the SIL just got engaged a week ago. 

My mom has been acting very distant the last couple months and does not act very excited about my wedding.  We have always been very close and this upsets me very much. 

When I called to talk to her about it she acted like it was no big deal and I got very upset and started crying and hung up on her.  I havent talked to her since.  That was 3 days ago.  Do I have a right to be upset or am I being a big baby?

Re: Should I be upset about this?

  • edited December 2011
    I would be hurt by this but I wouldn't let it ruin your birthday.  Now that the surprise is out can you help your FI find somewhere else to have the party?  Had he already sent out invitations letting people know where the party was?  Or, can you have a combined birthday/engagement party and celebrate everything at once?  You can never have too much good news and happiness right?
  • edited December 2011
    I understand what you mean about distant mothers- mine doesn't seem excited at all about my wedding (admittedly, it's a ways away). But the thing is, she's dealing with a lot too. Weddings make everyone crazy, and her life is about to change just as much as yours is; you're getting married, and she's dealing with adding another member to her family.  

    I suggest that you have a very calm talk with your mother and tell her how you're feeling. She might not even be aware she hurt you, and honestly? If someone hung up on me, I'd be pretty upset.

    I sense there's something more going on here... you might want to ask her what it is before too much time passes.
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  • aerinpegadrakaerinpegadrak member
    10000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Why would your FI tell you about this?  I had been planning a surprise 30th birthday party for DH, but since we're moving out of state before then, I'm going to have to come up with another idea before then.  I doubt I'll ever breathe a word to him about what I was planning before.  It's kind of douchey to tell someone about the party they're not getting, and he should have dealt with this on his own without you getting involved.  There was no need for you to ever know.
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  • edited December 2011
    I agree that he shouldnt have told me.  I guess the reason he did was because he was so upset by it also.  He has already come up with another idea so he probably should have just kept it to himself so I didnt get so upset.

      I think there is more to it also but when I tried to talk to my mom about it before she doesnt really say anything.  Shes not a communicator.  I am very much one.  I am her only child and like I said before we are very close so I would think that she would be excited about me getting married. 

    Thanks for the input. 

  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    Your mom may have been willing to work out another date for your surprise birthday party, so that you and she could attend both parties. Your fi should have worked with her, rather than drag you into it.

    I understand you being a bit disappointed. But it was very childish of you to hang up on your mom when you didn't get the reaction you were expecting. You should apologize to her for that.

    If you think your mom isn't excited about the wedding, ask her why. There may be something going on with her that you don't know about. Or she might not be excited about an event that is a year away,still. You say she is not a great communicator, so you might just be reading her the wrong way.

  • edited December 2011
    Um are you sure she wasn't just trying to throw you off by telling you that? So it could still be a suprise?
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  • vicki0508vicki0508 member
    1000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    I think you're being a big baby.  In essence, you cried and hung up on your mom because she cancelled your birthday party.
  • edited December 2011
    I don't think you're being a baby, but I'm trying to figure out how your mothers sister in law isn't already married (to her brother?).

    It was pretty low to schedule it for the same day, I'd be hurt. It's not that she canceled the birthday party itself, it's that she's being so directly offensive, right? I mean if they just got engaged, they can't wait another week or 2 to have their party?

  • edited December 2011
    I'd be pretty angry also.  A birthday happens once a year.  An engagement party can happen any time.  

    I don't see how her reaction was childish at all.  Her mom basically decided her only daughter's BIRTHDAY was not a big deal and acted that way in front of her daughter!  Especially if they were previously very close, I think the shock alone would bring me to tears.  

    I suggest, like other posters, that you have a conversation with your mother to find out what is going on.  She might be reacting badly to the fact that her only daughter is getting married.  Perhaps she's feeling like you are abandoning her and so now she is resentful?

    Good luck with everything and I hope your birthday is amazing!
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  • edited December 2011

    I'ts my moms husbands (my stepdads) sister.....that got engaged.  And thats exactly it!  The shock of my mom choosing her SIL over me.  I know its just a B-Day but my FI is big on suprises and it hurt me that she hurt him, since he had been planning it for a couple months.

    I also dont understand why they cant wait a week or two for the engagement party when they have been together for 10 years already.

    I know I reacted badly but it really hurt my feelings.

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