Fiance mom hates me and refuses to attend

brittanyjterrell

My fiance mom strongly dislikes me because she feels that I am taking her precious son away from her. She wanted him to wait until he graduated to get married and he's graduating the next year. Whooptee-damn-do, big DEAL! He went from a complete mama's boy to not talking to her at all in a YEAR! I feel somewhat responsible but then again.. I dont! She needs a MAN! What shall I do? If anything?

HappinessByTheKilowatt

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_fiance-mom-hates-refuses-attend?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:c01c1edf-d915-46be-bb12-ea2a10769770Post:4fded05e-ac3b-403e-8d42-ad33f9e0f6ae">Fiance mom hates me and refuses to attend</a>:
[QUOTE]My fiance mom strongly dislikes me because she feels that I am taking her precious son away from her. She wanted him to wait until he graduated to get married and he's graduating the next year. Whooptee-damn-do, big DEAL! He went from a complete mama's boy to not talking to her at all in a YEAR! I feel somewhat responsible but then again.. I dont! She needs a MAN! What shall I do? If anything?
Posted by brittanyjterrell[/QUOTE]

Good luck with this. You sound like a peach.

GoodLuckBear14

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_fiance-mom-hates-refuses-attend?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:c01c1edf-d915-46be-bb12-ea2a10769770Post:4fded05e-ac3b-403e-8d42-ad33f9e0f6ae">Fiance mom hates me and refuses to attend</a>:
[QUOTE]My fiance mom strongly dislikes me because she feels that I am taking her precious son away from her. She wanted him to wait until he graduated to get married and he's graduating the next year. Whooptee-damn-do, big DEAL! He went from a complete mama's boy to not talking to her at all in a YEAR! I feel somewhat responsible but then again.. I dont! She needs a MAN! What shall I do? If anything?
Posted by brittanyjterrell[/QUOTE]

Who wouldn't want a DIL like you?

If FI stopped talking to his mom, I'd be concerned, not happy about it.  Your FMIL has a valid point about waiting until after graduation to get married (btw, have you graduated college yet - I'm assuming it's college graduation). If you feel somewhat responsible then I think you had way too much to do with interfering with his relationship with his mother.  Also, to say that she needs a MAN is a really sexist thing to say.  Unless you are her, you don't know what she needs.

I think you owe your FI at the least an apology for whatever it is you did to come between him and his mother.  You probably owe one to her also.

sarah42nd

I disagree with the PPs. Some people just dont get along. I would stay out of the issues between your FI and his mother and let him deal with it. Everything will probably be blamed on you .  Let your FI deal with it .

mrsjustinm2b

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_fiance-mom-hates-refuses-attend?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:c01c1edf-d915-46be-bb12-ea2a10769770Post:d649dd9d-952e-41b6-84fb-b97e7ff9f0eb">Re: Fiance mom hates me and refuses to attend</a>:
[QUOTE]I disagree with the PPs. Some people just dont get along. I would stay out of the issues between your FI and his mother and let him deal with it. Everything will probably be blamed on you .  Let your FI deal with it .
Posted by sarah42nd[/QUOTE]

This!
With no background about whats been going on I can't offer more than stay out of it and leave it to them to work it out, or not. His relationship with his mom isnt your problem so just leave it to your FI.

As to those who are all "graduate college first" yes, it is best but not always realistic. People go back to school throughout their lives these days to upgrade, change careers etc., etc.,  so there is a good chance that one of a couple will be in school at ANY time, not just before a wedding. Being a student doesnt mean you don't live on your own and pay your own bills.

theluckiest555

I can relate to you. My FI's mother does not like me or my family. They think that we are controlling him. You see, when I met him, he was in a PhD program that he didn't really like, and after that semester he decided that he wasn't getting anything out of the program and that he was just wasting his money, He decided that he would spend his time working full time instead to start to make money for us. He did that for a semester, and then he considered going back to school (to a different school, the same college I was attending) to get certified to teach high school English (he already has an MFA in fiction writing, and his dream is to teach someday) However, after considering how much money he would have to take out (on top of the loans he already had) he decided to wait awhile because he wasn't even sure if he wanted to teach high school. Plus, he would be in school so he wouldn't be able to work as much, which we both knew he really needed to do since I am a senior getting my BA next semester and I am going to school full time so I only work part time. So, he decided that it was more important for him to work full time than to go to school for something he didn't even know if he wanted. We both agreed that that was the best decision for us. However, his parents were not happy for several reasons and decided that my parents and I forced him not to go back to school.   Grr!

I also feel a kind of a tug of war going on between me and his mom. He is very close to his mom, so close that I find it annoying sometimes. For example, she texts him goodnight EVERY NIGHT. For christs sake, the boy is 26 years old. I do not appreciate her interrupting the precious time that we do get to spend together.

You just gotta find some way to deal with it. I know, it can be annoying, but you have to try to put yourself in her shoes. If he is as close to his mom as my FI is, than she is probably having a really hard time with the fact that she goesnt get to see him as much. Why hasn't he talked to her in a year? Does he not have a good relationship with her'? She is probably really just hurt and angry that her son doesn't talk to her anymore. Believe me, I have tons of MIL issues myself, and I think I need to take my own advice sometimes haha. You just gotta somehow accept that just because he is close with his mom doesn't mean he loves you any less.

Good luck sweetie! I hope this helped!

MairePoppy

Is your fi financially independent? Or is mom paying some of those college bills and living expenses? If she is, then you should respect her wishes and wait until after graduation.
And it's very sad that he hasn't talked to her for a year. I may be reading you the wrong way, but you sound happy about that.

aerinpegadrak

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_fiance-mom-hates-refuses-attend?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:c01c1edf-d915-46be-bb12-ea2a10769770Post:4fded05e-ac3b-403e-8d42-ad33f9e0f6ae">Fiance mom hates me and refuses to attend</a>:
[QUOTE]My fiance mom strongly dislikes me because she feels that I am taking her precious son away from her. She wanted him to wait until he graduated to get married and he's graduating the next year. Whooptee-damn-do, big DEAL! He went from a complete mama's boy to not talking to her at all in a YEAR! I feel somewhat responsible but then again.. I dont! <strong>She needs a MAN!</strong> What shall I do? If anything?
Posted by brittanyjterrell[/QUOTE]
Gee, I can't see why she wouldn't like you...

It's up to your FI to maintain a healthy relationship with his mother and balance that with a healthy relationship with his wife.  If he's not capable of that, he's not ready to get married.  Cutting her off completely is no more healthy or appropriate than giving into her every whim.

graysquirrel

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_fiance-mom-hates-refuses-attend?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:c01c1edf-d915-46be-bb12-ea2a10769770Post:ac19d633-4fd2-4dec-9037-eef535896521">Re: Fiance mom hates me and refuses to attend</a>:
[QUOTE]As to those who are all "graduate college first" yes, it is best but not always realistic. People go back to school throughout their lives these days to upgrade, change careers etc., etc.,  so there is a good chance that one of a couple will be in school at ANY time, not just before a wedding. Being a student doesnt mean you don't live on your own and pay your own bills. I wasn't referring to postgraduate work. I was talking about undergrad only.<strong> I really think you should be done with undergrad and have a steady job/paying bills before you get married. That I think is realistic.</strong>
Posted by cfaszews25[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>I have to take issue with this. Some people live with their parents till they get married for various reasons. It does not mean that they are not mature enough to be married or that they can't pay their bills. Others, like my FI, went back to school later in life and will not be done with his undergrad till after we wed. He pays his bills just fine and works dam* hard at both his job and school. What worked for you doesn't have to apply to all. </div>

deepcovejackie

OP, please re-read your post with an objective eye.  You come across as really harsh and judgemental.  Perhaps that's how you're coming across to your FMIL in real life?

heinz11msw

Some people do not get along. That really sucks--- but it is up to your fiance to mend the problem between him and his mom.

TeresaB2011

The only advise I can give you is be very careful how you treat your FMIL, it may come back to haunt you one day. 

vicki0508

I know having a man has solved ALL of my problems...so you're definitely on the right track with her.  Have you brought this up with her?  It would probably bring you two closer together.

lisarose7

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_fiance-mom-hates-refuses-attend?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:c01c1edf-d915-46be-bb12-ea2a10769770Post:57d165f0-a737-4736-b57d-3333a66a9b84">Re: Fiance mom hates me and refuses to attend</a>:
[QUOTE]Grr! I also feel a kind of a tug of war going on between me and his mom. He is very close to his mom, so close that I find it annoying sometimes. For example, she texts him goodnight EVERY NIGHT. For christs sake, the boy is 26 years old. I do not appreciate her interrupting the precious time that we do get to spend together. Posted by theluckiest555[/QUOTE]

Maybe you need to provide a different example of how your FI and his mom are annoyingly close.  I just don't see how one "goodnight" text from his mom in the evening is all that intrusive.  If she had a key and let herself into your house every night to give him a bath and tuck him in, that would be a different story.  I'm not saying you're overreacting...I'm just thinking there's probably another example that paints a better picture of how close they are.

brittanyjterrell

Graduating from college, she doesn't pay for anything for him and hasn't since he was 16 years old. She is going off her experiences of getting married young (to his father) and getting a divorce but they got married for all the wrong reasons. I graduated from college in December and he took a year off when his grandfather died so he is a year behind...

and YES, I said she needs a man.. I am NOT happy about them not having a relationship, I beg him EVERYDAY to please call and talk to her or something and he never does it.. that's up to him but I want them to have a relationship that was so strong...

and I am a PEACH actually, I have never done anything wrong to that woman .. she dislikes me for NO reason at all and it just starting to piss me off, that's all. The part about her needing a man is REAL because a lot of single mothers have harder times letting go of their children... that's just FACTS!

theluckiest555

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_fiance-mom-hates-refuses-attend?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:c01c1edf-d915-46be-bb12-ea2a10769770Post:20a203ee-0994-438f-b04d-cb80f11441e0">Re: Fiance mom hates me and refuses to attend</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Fiance mom hates me and refuses to attend : Maybe you need to provide a different example of how your FI and his mom are annoyingly close.  I just don't see how one "goodnight" text from his mom in the evening is all that intrusive.  If she had a key and let herself into your house every night to give him a bath and tuck him in, that would be a different story.  I'm not saying you're overreacting...I'm just thinking there's probably another example that paints a better picture of how close they are.
Posted by lisarose7[/QUOTE]

I am sorry if I offendeed anyone. Maybe that wasn't the best example, and maybe I am immature for being bothered by it. I guess I just jealous when we are trying to  spend time together. I have NEVER discouraged him from talking to his mom, and I never will.