Moms and Maids

MIL Help!

Okay, so my FI's brother will be getting married two months before we do, so his mom is trying to help out with both weddings. My Future sister in Law's mom isn't happy with their wedding, so my MIL is really helping her out. My parents are planning on paying for the majority of my wedding, so I told her not to worry about ours. She got upset and said she doesn't want to favor one son over the other.

We are planning a backyard outdoor wedding and are only planning on spending a few thousand. Well my MIL bought my sister in law's wedding dress, and it was a thousand dollars. She offered to reciporcate for me, but I've never been a flashy girl. The dress that I really want is around $200, so I'm not going to fall anywhere near $1000. Would it be wrong to ask her to also pay for my bridesmaid dresses, as long as they fall under the initial budget? How would I go about asking? Should I just know what I want and go for it? 

Should I just forget about it and go for a more expensive dress to make her happy? His mom gets very emotional and it very hard to handle a lot of the time.
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Re: MIL Help!

  • edited May 2012
    I understand where your comming from and how she's feeling she's favoring one son over the other. With the dress situation, maybe have dinner with her and just say Thankyou so much for your generous offer but I have my dress covered, if then she's says isn't there something i could do, suggest it. I wouldn't ask straight out though. Happy planning
  • klwpazklwpaz member
    First Comment
    Since she has offered, I would graciously accept her offer to buy your dress. If you love the $200 dress (mine was $200 as well and I love it), go with that. I probably wouldn't ask her to pay for the other dresses. If she feels strongly about offering the same amount of money, she may offer on her own to pay for something else as well.
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  • I think it would be out of line to ask. She's willing to pay for your dress, which you say is $200. If your SILs dress was more, that's between them, you don't get the difference just because you're choosing a cheaper dress. 
  • That would be out of line. Accept her offer of paying for your dress. If she wants to give you the $800, she will, without you asking for it. But still, I don't think you should use her money to pay for the bm dresses. Put it toward your wedding budget, honeymoon or something for your home.
                       
  • Wow, I didn't realize I would get such a negative response. My problem is that I'm afraid she's going to be mad at me. Because my SIL doesn't have any family helping her out, I told her that my FI and I would understand if she put more money towards their wedding instead of ours. She got mad at me and acted like it was dumb that I even suggested it. Also, I understand that she's offering, and I'm grateful, but I'm not trying to be a spoiled brat or anything. The fact that my SIL's dress was $1000 was brought up by her, I didn't ask.
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  • edited May 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mil-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:c8d73767-c25d-4521-bb9a-a0a5e5aea3c9Post:a0763225-77b2-4b99-9d99-a52337690d59">MIL Help!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Okay, so my FI's brother will be getting married two months before we do, so his mom is trying to help out with both weddings. My Future sister in Law's mom isn't happy with their wedding, so my MIL is really helping her out. My parents are planning on paying for the majority of my wedding, so I told her not to worry about ours. She got upset and said she doesn't want to favor one son over the other. We are planning a backyard outdoor wedding and are only planning on spending a few thousand. Well my MIL bought my sister in law's wedding dress, and it was a thousand dollars. She offered to reciporcate for me, but I've never been a flashy girl. The dress that I really want is around $200, so I'm not going to fall anywhere near $1000.<strong> Would it be wrong to ask her to also pay for my bridesmaid dresses, as long as they fall under the initial budget? How would I go about asking? Should I just know what I want and go for it? </strong> Should I just forget about it and go for a more expensive dress to make her happy? His mom gets very emotional and it very hard to handle a lot of the time.
    Posted by hopefulxbeginning[/QUOTE]

    Weren't you asking for honest opinions? You asked if it would be out of line to ask your FMIL to pay for the bms' dresses, since the dress you want falls way under her budget that she suggested. No one called you a brat. We just answered your question.
                       
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mil-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:c8d73767-c25d-4521-bb9a-a0a5e5aea3c9Post:3e07cd3d-f1aa-45c2-9df9-03242e2fc2f1">Re: MIL Help!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Wow, I didn't realize I would get such a negative response. My problem is that I'm afraid she's going to be mad at me. Because my SIL doesn't have any family helping her out, I told her that my FI and I would understand if she put more money towards their wedding instead of ours. She got mad at me and acted like it was dumb that I even suggested it. Also, I understand that she's offering, and I'm grateful, but I'm not trying to be a spoiled brat or anything. The fact that my SIL's dress was $1000 was brought up by her, I didn't ask.
    Posted by hopefulxbeginning[/QUOTE]
                       
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mil-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:c8d73767-c25d-4521-bb9a-a0a5e5aea3c9Post:3e07cd3d-f1aa-45c2-9df9-03242e2fc2f1">Re: MIL Help!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Wow, I didn't realize I would get such a negative response. My problem is that I'm afraid she's going to be mad at me. Because my SIL doesn't have any family helping her out, I told her that my FI and I would understand if she put more money towards their wedding instead of ours. She got mad at me and acted like it was dumb that I even suggested it. Also, I understand that she's offering, and I'm grateful, but I'm not trying to be a spoiled brat or anything. The fact that my SIL's dress was $1000 was brought up by her, I didn't ask.
    Posted by hopefulxbeginning[/QUOTE]
    The posts above aren't trying to be negative, they're trying to tell you that if she offered to pay for your dress then that's the only thing you should accept or decline.  It might not be the cost to your FMIL, it might be that she just wants to purchase your wedding gown.  Either accept it or decline.  If she offers to pay for something else then you can say yes or no to that but you should bring it up.<div>
    </div><div>Out of curiosity, were you planning on purchasing the BM dresses originally?  I ask because most BM know that they are responsible for purchasing their own attire.</div>
    Ignorance is a poor defense. Image and video hosting by TinyPic
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