Moms and Maids

Frustrated

Let me start with the back story...I have been engaged since July 2009.  I asked one of my lifelong friends to be in my wedding party.  I asked her to be in the wedding in October of 2009.  She said yes and was very excited.  Just recently in April 2010, that same bridesmaid got engaged.  I was so excited for her.  However, she set her date for 3 weeks before my wedding!!  I have had my date set since August 2009 and she knew my date.  I don't have any problem with her getting married the same summer as me, but it became a problem when she decided to get married in Mexico (we live in NJ).  This is a problem for me because my sister (my maid of honor) and another one of my bridesmaids (her sister) are in her wedding party.  So she will be taking 3 out of my 6 bridesmaids to Mexico 3 weeks before my wedding.  I'm very frustrated by the whole thing.  Was this rude or is it just me?  I would never ask her to change her wedding but I was shocked that she would plan things the way she did.

Re: Frustrated

  • edited December 2011
    Everyone else is allowed to pick how, where and when they want to get married just like you did.

    I can see why your frustrated, but you can't do anything about it, so I would try to relex and let it go.
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  • jagore08jagore08 member
    Seventh Anniversary 5000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_frustrated?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:ca90842a-206f-48f5-baec-c0d810e785d8Post:81df590d-cc64-4248-9150-9c72dcf74b7c">Frustrated</a>:
    [QUOTE]Let me start with the back story...I have been engaged since July 2009.  I asked one of my lifelong friends to be in my wedding party.  I asked her to be in the wedding in October of 2009.  She said yes and was very excited.  Just recently in April 2010, that same bridesmaid got engaged.  I was so excited for her.  However, she set her date for 3 weeks before my wedding!!  I have had my date set since August 2009 and she knew my date.  I don't have any problem with her getting married the same summer as me, but it became a problem when she decided to get married in Mexico (we live in NJ).  This is a problem for me because my sister (my maid of honor) and another one of my bridesmaids (her sister) are in her wedding party.  So she will be taking 3 out of my 6 bridesmaids to Mexico 3 weeks before my wedding.  I'm very frustrated by the whole thing.  Was this rude or is it just me?  I would never ask her to change her wedding but I was shocked that she would plan things the way she did.
    Posted by mets35km[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>I'm not seeing what the problem is. 

    </div>
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  • trix1223trix1223 member
    5000 Comments 25 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    I honestly don't see what the problem is here.  Your BM's will be going to Mexico three weeks before your wedding.  They'll be back in plenty of time for yours.  Why exactly does this matter?
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
  • mets35kmmets35km member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I guess I am more frustrated with the fact that I can't go to her wedding and be a part of her day.  The thing is that we grew up 4 houses apart on the same street.  I was really excited for her to be in my wedding and now I won't be able to even go to her wedding because its so far away.  I think that is why I am frustrated. 
  • mets35kmmets35km member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_frustrated?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:ca90842a-206f-48f5-baec-c0d810e785d8Post:1ae39fc4-865d-4f4a-9f5f-26aabf35502c">Re: Frustrated</a>:
    [QUOTE]I honestly don't see what the problem is here.  Your BM's will be going to Mexico three weeks before your wedding.  They'll be back in plenty of time for yours.  Why exactly does this matter?
    Posted by trix1223[/QUOTE]

    It matters because there is so much overlap between the 2 bridal parties.  Its just alot of stress and alot of money for two weddings so close.  Its also frustrating that I won't be able to see her get married since she has been in my life since the day I was born.  Its just a tough situation thats all.
  • trix1223trix1223 member
    5000 Comments 25 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Why can't you go to her wedding?  It's three weeks before yours.  Is it a money issue?
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
  • edited December 2011
    I can understand why you are frustrated. Leading up to your wedding you want people to be excited and since hers is right before yours, everyone will be talking about hers and when they do come back they'll probably be recapping her wedding and not really focusing on yours. 

    It stinks that you will miss her wedding but maybe writing her a letter/card letting her know you are thinking of her on her big day will help. And hey, at least everyone will be tan for your wedding pictures! :)

    Trix she's probably not going 1.Because there's a lot of little things to do right before a wedding, 2. I assume she's going on her own honeymoon and not many people can afford/take that much time off work.
  • jbrooks4jbrooks4 member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Wow, I'm sorry but that sucks. Maybe it's just me but it seems like that girl took her half out of the middle. But, there isn't anything you can do about.  Just be gracious and try to utilize your girls before and after her wedding.  Give her her day and if she's a good friend she'll give you yours. I'd just be glad that she set it far enough apart as it is...she could have chosen the weekend before and then you wouldn't have your bridemaids!
  • danielsbekahdanielsbekah member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Whether or not you have reason to feel frustrated is kind of beside the point... The fact is that you ARE frustrated! Frown

    I am sorry...Unfortunately there's nothing you can do about it. So you just need to handle the situation as graciously as possible. Take some time to be frustrated and get it all out, but then try to set those frustrations aside so that it won't be eating away at you all this time leading up to both you and your friend's big day.
    ~ Married to my love 7/31/04 ~ ~ Mommy to Baby C 10/14/09 ~ ~ MOH for my sis on 10/7/07 ~ ~ BM for my BF on 4/30/11 ~
  • pixiedust84pixiedust84 member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_frustrated?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:ca90842a-206f-48f5-baec-c0d810e785d8Post:ccef664e-7487-41e6-8f9d-219d53eb91f5">Re: Frustrated</a>:
    [QUOTE]Wow, I'm sorry but that sucks. Maybe it's just me but it seems like that girl took her half out of the middle. But, there isn't anything you can do about.  Just be gracious and try to <strong>utilize your girls before and after her wedding. </strong> Give her her day and if she's a good friend she'll give you yours. I'd just be glad that she set it far enough apart as it is...she could have chosen the weekend before and then you wouldn't have your bridemaids!
    Posted by jbrooks4[/QUOTE]

    Wellllll I wouldn't recommend that. Your BM's aren't employees to be utilized. Careful with that wording. If they offer to help with things, great. They should not be expected to. The only person that is required to help you plan your wedding is your Fi.

    So if your concern is that your helpers won't be around then I'd say get over it. It does sound like you're just frustrated with the fact that you can't go and that she's stealing a bit of your limelight. Both are understandable and it's okay to vent on here. However just remember that you get one day. AND on that day all eyes will be on you. Also at the end of the day you'll be married to the love of your life. That's what you need to focus on .
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  • mets35kmmets35km member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_frustrated?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:ca90842a-206f-48f5-baec-c0d810e785d8Post:f1ef5824-b885-49da-8d54-3b93dab39885">Re: Frustrated</a>:
    [QUOTE]Whether or not you have reason to feel frustrated is kind of beside the point... The fact is that you ARE frustrated!  I am sorry...Unfortunately there's nothing you can do about it. So you just need to handle the situation as graciously as possible. Take some time to be frustrated and get it all out, but then try to set those frustrations aside so that it won't be eating away at you all this time leading up to both you and your friend's big day.
    Posted by danielsbekah[/QUOTE]

    I appreciate the compassion.  Its obvious that there is nothing I can do about it.  I was just looking to vent.  Thanks
  • edited December 2011
    Well the timing does really suck.  It's too bad that you can't go and be a part of her wedding, that's for sure.  I'm sure you'll be feeling left out of things in Mexico.  It's no-ones fault, but yes, I'd be feeling frustrated too.
  • mets35kmmets35km member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011

    Trix- I can't go because I work in a school where I only have two weeks off in the summer and I can't take vacation any other time.  And of course its money too.  I'm busy paying for my own wedding stuff and Im taking my own honeymoon a few weeks later.  Its unfortunate but thats how it is.

    Pixiedust-   Everyone knows that there is nothing anyone can do about it but.  Believe me I have been waiting a long time to marry my fiance so I more than focused on that.  This is just a minor speedbump that I wanted to get off my chest. As you said, venting is fine on here. 


    When all is said and done, she will always be one of my very best friends.  I just wanted to get it out of my system. 

  • edited December 2011
    It is 3 weeks before your wedding. I am quite sure that your sister and whoever else will be back for your wedding. I understand your frustration, but you can't tell her what to do on her big day. She has dreamed of this her whole life, just as you have. I would smile and move forward. 
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  • edited December 2011
    Also, that is usually the problem when people do DW. You are most likely not the only one missing out on her big day. I completely understand how frustrated you feel because you want to be there. Maybe ask if they are videotaping it. If not, that could be your gift to them. Then you can make a copy and have a "girls night in" and watch it together. And cry and laugh! Best wishes. 
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