Bridesmaids Rant

SpokenVows

I'll probably sound really bratty but, I'm just a bit pissed and kind of hurt.

A week ago, I checked with my bridesmaids about setting up an appointment at David's Bridal for them to try on whatever dresses they wanted and get measurements. I could just pick a dress and not care whether it looked good on them or whether they liked them or not. But, I don't want to do that, at all. I got everyone's schedules and checked with each of them a week ago about making the appointment for a certain day and time. All but two of the seven told me they could make it. for the day and time scheduled. 

Ttwo hours before the appointment, three of them all of the sudden couldn't make it. One (my sister) refused to go to school, despite my dad warning her about not being allowed to go to the appointment if she stayed home. One said she wasn't sure if she could make it but, didn't really give a reason. The other had previously asked for a ride, so I shot her a text to confirm with her. She said she couldn't go because she made other plans to hang out with someone. Gee, thanks. Then told me, "it's okay. Have fun!" It's okay?? You're the one bailing, not me. I even asked if she would be able to make it if we changed the time but, she just said she wasn't going to make it.

And then one bridesmaid who did make it, shared the details with a mutual friend of our's, who then got a ride to the appointment with her. I wouldn't have minded, except she invited herself along and thinks she's a bridesmaid. It made it pretty awkward and I don't know exactly what to do about her thinking she's a bridesmaid. She keeps asking for details about the bridal party. I try changing the subject or being very minimal about the details but, she keeps asking. I don't want to hurt her feelings.

Overall, I'm just bummed the day turned out the way it did.

deepcovejackie

Wow, that is a bummer.  How old are you BM's, if you don't mind me asking?  I guess after you take some time to be hurt, you need to shake it off.  Don't let this impact on your fun planning your wedding.

As far as that extra girl goes, yes, that's annoying.  You're under no oligation to include her in wedding plans.  Just change the subject when she asks.  If she persists, then she's the one being rude.  At that point you say "our wedding party has been chosen, thanks for asking, have you tried the bean dip?"

SpokenVows

They range from 15 (sister) to 21. Most being the latter, or close to it.

With the one girl asking, I'm not even sure if she's aware it's rude, or poor etiquette. It makes it a bit difficult because she doesn't get the hint when I change the subject. Five minutes after changing the subject, she switches it back to wedding talk.

deepcovejackie

Keep changing the subject, Spokenvows, it sounds as though she's just hoping if she mentions it enough you'll add her in.  I really don't get why she'd do that though.  Weird.  Can you limit your time with her for the next little while?

saric83

Given how it went the first time you tried to coordinate everyone, I would just go and pick a color you like at David's Bridal, and let your girls know that they can choose any dress in that color and whatever length you want, and offer to go with them, if they want.  I know it's not as much fun as the idea of going with everyone in a big group, but it will make your (and theirs) life SO much easier! 

Also as a side-note, nearly each time I've been a bridesmaid, we usually didn't go as a group for random reasons, and the bride just let us know what our options were for the dress, and we went and got measured and paid for the dress on our time.  So try not to be too bummed or take it personally because they might have been thinking it would be a very different process than you were thinking.  Good luck! : ) 

mejane123

It stinks that they all bailed last minute like that.  I've had that happen to me before when I made plans with friends and it's not so much that they bailed on you, it's that they bailed so last minute.  As for the girl who keeps acting like she's in your wedding, just continute to change the subject.  Is she even someone who could logically assume she's in your wedding, or is she one of those friend-of-a-friends?

Just tell them what color you want and tell them to pick a dress in that color.  It's probably better that you didn't all go in a big group because even if they're picking their own dress, you'll probably have a lot of issues with everyone giving their opinions and the girls having a tough time deciding with so many people there.  It's not really necessary for everyone to go together and it's just one less hassle you'll have to deal with if you don't have to coordinate.  

mejane123

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_bridesmaids-rant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:cdcf1d65-c31d-400d-84da-45776d99d22bPost:9a49accc-5249-414b-ac29-2a98a6365fa4">Re: Bridesmaids Rant</a>:
[QUOTE]Your wedding is in January 2012. Why are you sending them to get a dress NOW???  They're shelling out money for a dress that will only hang in their closet for the next 8 months. <strong>David's Bridal can get a dress for you in 3-4 months</strong>. They're open-stock, and ship direct from their warehouse. There's no reason to ask your maids to be out that much money now. David's is really bad about telling you to order right away, because their consultants work on commission and have a quota to meet or they lose their jobs. The gals do not have to go together to get fitted.  They can go anytime and get measured and order. Asking them to all go at the same time is unnecessary. It's rarely convenient, in this fast-paced world, to get that many folks together at once. Wait until July or August before you ask them to order.
Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>If not sooner.  All of my girls had theirs within two weeks, even though they were told to order 4 months in advance.  They're definitely bad about telling you to order well ahead of time, so if you're wedding isn't til January, you could EASILY wait until September to order.</div>

SpokenVows

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_bridesmaids-rant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:cdcf1d65-c31d-400d-84da-45776d99d22bPost:9a49accc-5249-414b-ac29-2a98a6365fa4">Re: Bridesmaids Rant</a>:
[QUOTE]Your wedding is in January 2012. Why are you sending them to get a dress NOW???  They're shelling out money for a dress that will only hang in their closet for the next 8 months. David's Bridal can get a dress for you in 3-4 months. They're open-stock, and ship direct from their warehouse. There's no reason to ask your maids to be out that much money now. David's is really bad about telling you to order right away, because their consultants work on commission and have a quota to meet or they lose their jobs. The gals do not have to go together to get fitted.  They can go anytime and get measured and order. Asking them to all go at the same time is unnecessary. It's rarely convenient, in this fast-paced world, to get that many folks together at once. Wait until July or August before you ask them to order.
Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]

<div>I didn't say they had to order them right now. I was simply getting them to try on ones they liked to get an idea.</div><div>And I was just going off based what they told me at David's. I asked when the best time to order dresses were, and the consultant told me the sooner, the better. I'm not even upset that they weren't all there at once. I was just disappointed that people dropped out at the last minute like that, since we had previously all been pretty excited to go.</div><div>
</div><div>As for each of them going on their own and picking whatever length in whatever colour - I'm actually going to have all of them wear the same dress. I'm not personally a fan of each girl having a different dress. I like uniform, so I'm trying to find a dress that as many of them as possible like. But, it's difficult to pick a dress unless I have them try them on and let me know.</div><div>
</div><div>Thanks for all the understanding replies :)</div>

vicki0508

Good luck getting 7 girls to agree on the same dress!  You'd save yourself a lot of headache if you gave them a color and a length and let them buy what they wanted.  After all, they're the ones who have to buy the dresses and wear them all day, why not let them pick something they actually like?

saric83

If you're set on having the same dress, maybe go in by yourself to try on a few and narrow your choices down to three.  Then you can reach out to each of the girls in the next few months and ask them to come with you to try the choices to let you know their preference, and maybe you'll have a clear winner (or at that very least rule out a choice that any of the girls hate.)  Hopefully, you'll get a little more response that way. 

StacyJenniges

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_bridesmaids-rant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:cdcf1d65-c31d-400d-84da-45776d99d22bPost:c9442b2d-6337-4c97-967c-c5b5d5c303c2">Re: Bridesmaids Rant</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bridesmaids Rant : I didn't say they had to order them right now. I was simply getting them to try on ones they liked to get an idea. And I was just going off based what they told me at David's. I asked when the best time to order dresses were, and the consultant told me the sooner, the better. I'm not even upset that they weren't all there at once. I was just disappointed that people dropped out at the last minute like that, since we had previously all been pretty excited to go. As for each of them going on their own and picking whatever length in whatever colour - I'm actually going to have all of them wear the same dress. I'm not personally a fan of each girl having a different dress. I like uniform, so I'm trying to find a dress that as many of them as possible like. But, it's difficult to pick a dress unless I have them try them on and let me know. Thanks for all the understanding replies :)
Posted by SpokenVows[/QUOTE]


You know the same thing happened to me, I was bumbed as well.  But everyone got in and ordered their dresses.  I think if you have a good number not all of them have to be there to pick out the dress.  I tend to like uniform as well I was planning on having all one dress too. 

kellyb1487

Be carefull about deciding on the dresses to early. You will may end up pulling your hairout trying to get 7 girls to agree on a dress, and then find out in Sept/Oct when you go to order the dresses that they may be discontinued, and then have to go through the headaches all over again and wasted peoples time.

Maybe you should just send out an email with a couple of your favorites and ask for inputs so you can start geting a feel for what they like and don't like, then in August/Sept start going to look at the dresses.

Hang in there and good luck!!

KateG528

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_bridesmaids-rant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:cdcf1d65-c31d-400d-84da-45776d99d22bPost:16755207-10c4-4906-99e6-850c0947f4a2">Re: Bridesmaids Rant</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>Be carefull about deciding on the dresses to early.</strong> You will may end up pulling your hairout trying to get 7 girls to agree on a dress, and then find out in Sept/Oct when you go to order the dresses that they may be discontinued, and then have to go through the headaches all over again and wasted peoples time. Maybe you should just send out an email with a couple of your favorites and ask for inputs so you can start geting a feel for what they like and don't like, then in August/Sept start going to look at the dresses. Hang in there and good luck!!
Posted by kellyb1487[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>Be careful on deciding anything too early, you may change your mind. I changed my mind so many times between the 8month-6month mark. Davids can order really up to 1-2 months before the wedding and sometimes have the dresses right on the rack in perfect shape. I know you are excited, but if you expect your BMs to be all about your wedding for the next 8 months then you have a wake up call coming (not saying you do, just a statement) </div><div>
</div><div>Good luck :)</div>

snorwo3

Maybe they haven't been bridesmaids before? That's all I can think of. Bridesmaids have very little duties: get a dress, show up when you say you will, stand at the wedding. Maybe since your bridesmaids are all 21 and under, they've never been ina  wedding before and don't understand the obligation it is. I mean, there IS a reason you're asked to be a bridesmaid and given the option to say no. If you do not have the money or time to get a dress and attend wedding events, it's no big deal.. just say no. Don't commit to something you can't do. 

IMO, you should sit them down and let them know it hurt your feelings you went out of your way to accomodate their schedules and they didn't show up. Wedding or not, bridesmaid or not, a FRIEND doesn't make plans and blow you off without reason.