Unhappy mother

shesadreamr

Ever since the day I told my mom I was engaged she has been nothing but negative.  Neither of my parents approve of my fiancee because he is not college educated (army right out of high school) and divorced but that is something I really could care less about. 

Because I figured she would just continue with her negativity I did not ask my mom to go dress shopping and took my best friend instead.  I come to find out a week later through my aunt that my mom feels hurt that I did not ask her!  What is up with this?!  I then asked her to go to the fitting but she won't go unless "it fits her busy schedule" and anything else I try to share with her she tells me how stupid it is or how her wedding to my stepdad was better.  I would love to include my mom but she is dragging down the mood!  I am just to the point I want to explode... I really have no idea what to do about it anymore.

[Deleted User]

Let it ride for a while. She is probably still hurt you didn't ask her to go dress shopping with you. My mom and I don't have a great relationship but I did ask her (and she went) dress shopping with me the first time around. That is usually a big deal for mothers of the bride. It also sounds like she is jealous and/or bitter about marriage in general. She could be afraid that since her marriage failed, yours will as well. You don't know what all is going through her head right now until you try to talk to her.

Talk to her about it in a nice way about what you are feeling and maybe that will give you some insight into the way she feels. While it is no excuse for her actions or words, it may be something you have to deal with throughout the planning of your wedding. I know it is hard, but you will have to move on. Pretty much the only thing my mom has done was go shopping with me that one time, nothing else. Nor has she asked if there is anything she can do.

duckie1905

Honestly, my parents probably would have reacted the same way as yours.  Education is very important to them and they would've had some issues had I decided to marry someone that didn't at least have some college education.

Sometimes, that is just how people are-especially parents.  They see themselves as wanting the best for their kids without realizing how hurtful and disrespectful their opinion comes off as.

I would suggest sitting down and talking this out with your mom.  Explain to her that you want her to be involved but that you expect her to treat you and your FI with respect and not question life decisions that have been made.  Make it clear that if she continues to berate him or act negatively she will be removing herself from being involved and she'll have no one else to blame.

KermitTheKitty

It honestly sounds as if your mother is going to gripe no matter what you do because she does not approve of the marriage, and she is going to play head games and be difficult.
I agree with the other posters that you should have a talk with her, but be clear that while you'd like to include her in planning the wedding, her behavior and attitude needs to stop. If she is still being a manipulative witch, leave her out of everything and just send her an invitation to the wedding.

MissySue - I can totally relate! My mother is shocked that she is expected to do anything, claims she doesnt have a clue about this stuff, but refuses to try and look into anything. Then again, that's how she is about EVERYTHING.

aerinpegadrak

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_unhappy-mother?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:cf5b85a7-3bda-421d-b688-d0fc58782285Post:06e0ee89-6f23-4843-984d-05945c25e220">Re: Unhappy mother</a>:
[QUOTE]MissySue - I can totally relate! My mother is shocked that she is expected to do anything, claims she doesnt have a clue about this stuff, but refuses to try and look into anything. Then again, that's how she is about EVERYTHING.
Posted by KermitTheKitty[/QUOTE]
What is she expected to do?  My mom pretty much just showed up, and I was fine with that.

KermitTheKitty

Well, I would just be happy if she was capable of picking out a mother of the bride dress!!!
She emailed me today and told me that she ordered this:

http://www1.macys.com/catalog/product/index.ognc?ID=455283&CategoryID=51473


Now mind you, Macy's even has a sub section under their dress section for mother of the bride dresses. This dress came straight out of the casual section, in case that isn't already blatently obvious. She has never even worn anything this casual as a guest at a wedding before!
*palm face*