FMIL is just plain MEAN!

vickiCW

Okay, so I'm sure this is pretty common, or not, but my FMIL is making me crazy. Before we got engaged, FMIL was absoluely great, even pushing for our engagement. As soon as we got engaged and the excitement for her wore off, the attitude totally flipped. She has been horrible. From insulting my choices in invitations, to having stations instead of plated dinner, to saying my mom is tacky for going strapless. It's all been very offensive.

She proceeded to call my dress "plain" and my decor ideas "plain" and say it will all look cheap.

But none of that is REALLY what bothers me. What really gets my blood boiling is the fact that my fiance and I agreed that since there are so many children in the family, that we would not have children at the wedding reception. They are welcome at everythign else, but that our reception isn't really child-friendly. Well, his mother flew off the handle about his niece (who will be 18 months) not being allowed at the reception and said that I was tearing apart their family. He stood up for me and all was solved, or so I thought. That was TWO MONTHS AGO, and she still has not spoken to me.

We visited 2 weeks ago for her birthday, and she literally said 15 words to me over the course of dinner, visiting at their apartment, cake, and just hanging out, 7 hours!

Well now, I tried to email her to inform her I'm having trouble finding a place for the rehearsal dinner within her budget and I was looking for some suggestions.

She wrote back a snarky response telling me I have to speak to her husband. However, right from the beginning, she was the one who was asking for the info...

Just very frustrating that we were SO close and now she won't even speak to me... how can I fix this so that she doesn't hate me!

AutumnFair

You are much bigger person than me because if my FMIL would make a snarky comment about my mom I would probably snark right back.

When your invites go out it only list the parents names because many will assume that since their children are welcome to the ceremony they will be welcome at the reception. 

Any who, it sounds like she is acting like a child throwing a tantrum. If she wants to play the "I'm not talking to you game" then let her have at it, you should just act normal around her, maybe eventually she will wise up for how stupid she is being. 

Also I would not talk wedding around her if she keeps making snide remarks. Have your FI deal with this issue because its HIS responsibility not yours. Have him either talk to his mom or go to his dad about finding suggestions for the RD.

vickiCW

While I have kept mostly composed, I tend to just walk away from her, she makes me cringe.

The reason I have been helping is because they live in NY and we live in CT, so they don't know the places in the area...

Ugh I wish she would just stop being such a snot!

banana468

Just out of curiosity, where is your FI in this?

Because if my MIL wrote emails like that to me, they'd be forwarded to DH.  And if we went to have dinner with his parents and she didn't speak to me, we wouldn't continue going.

jessienjeremy

You are definatly being a bigger person. I am sure it is a thin line to walk.  Just do what you need to do. The wedding is supposed to be what you want... you cant please everyone.

Muffin'sMom

Do what you want to do and stop letting her opinion bother you.  Once she see's it is not having any effect...she may stop.  If the children are not something you want for your wedding, then smile sweetly, keep your plan, and don't argue.

Ashes_3

Just let it go. Be the better person. She will either get over it or not. At least your FI backed you up. I love my fmil. She states her opinions and I either listen or ignore them.

~moonshine~

Is she's helping pay for the wedding? If not tell her sorry due to a set budget we are unable to have children attending.

If she is helping to pay for the wedding, it's your wedding!! If you want to have it at a non child friendly reception that is the rules. She needs to learn to follow rules!!

If she can't be supportive don't tell her anymore wedding details. I wouldn't even bother to try and email her, I think she enjoys drama. Leave her in the dark, most likely she will come crawling back. And if she does then tell her how its going to be!

Hope everything works out!

tpender13

I'm walking in kind of late on this, but I agree that you should stop trying to reach out to her for a bit. It seems like you've been putting effort towards being civil w/her, and you're not getting anything in return.

I'm going through something similar w/my own sister right now. We haven't really spoken in six months, and the one time I've seen her was in passing when I was picking up our brother from her place. She wouldn't have even acknowledged the fact that I was there if I hadn't walked up and given her a hug. Whatever. I know that I've tried calling her, and she doesn't answer or respond, I just try not to let it bother me.

Unsolicited advice alert, when it comes time to put together invites, it is a good idea like PP said to put each individual name on the envelope, but also the RSVPs. It's a lot more work, but totally worth it to have it be set up like this...

Mr. John Doe   chx__ beef__ will not attend__
Mrs. Jane Doe  chx__ beef__ will not attend__

GL!

mysticl

I'm sorry but are you saying that kids can come to your wedding ceremony but not reception?  That's how I'm understanding it.  If that is that is the case then I kinda get her point.  All the other stuff is rude of her but it is considered rude to invite people to a wedding but not the reception. 

vickiCW

banana468 : He is completely supportive of me, but since she acts normal around him, he doesn't see it first hand, when I forwarded him the email chain, they got in a HUGE fight because he stood up for me, it was a  big blow up, things are finally ok with them, but not with her and I.

mysticl : I am saying his niece can come to everything but the reception, the other children will not be at any of the festivities. The parents of the niece also do not want her at the reception, it's ONLY his mother who is upset, while his brother and SIL are in agreement that her parents will come to the ceremony and take the niece afterwards because it is not an appropriate environment for an 18 month old, especially since she will be needing to go to bed 1/2 way through the reception, and there is nowhere that can accomodate her in order to put her to bed.



Everyone else, thank you so much, I officially handed over the responsibilities to his parents today and told them to discuss it with him if they need anything else, from now on, I'm not involving them... this is OUR DAY!

lalap69

I'm kind of wondering how, after a blowup over how his mother treated you, they can now be okay while she and you are not?

vickiCW

lalap, they are okay because she keeps reassuring him nothing is wrong between her and I, and that she loves me and all is right in the world, while her and I are not okay, because well, unless he's around, she will not speak to me... which therefore makes everything look normal to him, because again, when he's around, she acts normal... it's ridiculous

vickiCW

Apparently the world is at peace with MIL and me... interesting