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parent in law advice

krawnkrawn member
First Comment
in Moms and Maids
ever since our engagement on aug 2 my future in laws have been rolling full steam ahead on wedding plans. i was raised catholic, my fiance jewish. before our engagement his parents never interfered with our lives, granted i only met them twice. my parents are going through divorce and their money situation is up in the air. my mom offered to pay for my dress, and rehearsal dinner, my father is paying for nothing. up until a month and a half ago i didn't think he was even coming to the wedding. so my fiance's parents offered to help pay. we decided to have the wedding in denver, which is shawn's hometown for a change, we live in vegas. 

little did we know that literally 7 days into the engagement i hated everything the wedding was becoming. they wanted a sunday wedding b/c it was cheaper (that i wasn't budging on), his dad chose and booked the band, picked four seasons denver for ceremony and reception, after 3 wks of full on stress over venue (i'm talking texts at 6:30 in the morning every morning) we threw our hands up and wanted it to be done. my in laws were about to book a photographer i never met when i freaked out on my fiance and told him it was enough. my IL's don't drink much and they want a choc martini for our signiture drink in june - gag me - who wants creamy milk in june?

even when we put our foot down they try to lay the guilt on us by saying we need to just decide on plans so they can stop stressing and and they can't afford to pay for anymore. when never asked for a dime from them and as much as we appreciate their "gift" i'd rather pay them back every last cent, even if it takes me the next 20 yrs.

i feel like i'm in the twilight zone sometimes. any advice on overbearing in laws??????

we have spoken with them s
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Re: parent in law advice

  • NatandIsaacNatandIsaac
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Tell them thank you very much for the generous offer of helping to pay for the wedding, but we would like to pay for it ourselves. Then you may plan whatever wedding you like.
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  • bablingbrookebablingbrooke member
    5000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    I'm sorry but your post is very difficult to read; one long stream of consciousness post is very difficult to follow.  Can you edit it?  Then I'm happy to offer you advice.
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  • krawnkrawn member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    babbling babbler,

    i created paragraphs they just didn't show up for some reason. don't need you advice anyways!

    thanks!
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  • krawnkrawn member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    you're exactly right, we are paying for some, but in their eyes they're paying for 90% when in reality it's about 50%. that doesn't really matter entirely, i don't think. i just don't get the whole entitlement thing. looking back it all happened so fast, i just don't want to resent them forever.
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  • tenofcups4metenofcups4me member
    2500 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    What does the fact that you're Catholic and he's Jewish have to do with anything?
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  • nicepenguinsnicepenguins
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    If they are paying 50, then they should have say in 50 if that is what they want, but it sounds like they are having say in 90. I have overbearing inlaws myself who are either completely horrible and in your face, or who say absolutely nothing to the point of looking extremely rude.

    So tell them you were really happy to do as they pleased in terms of selecting the site, etc, but that you're ready to plan your half now and they should relax. If you make it all about them "oh, we want you to relax and enjoy yourselves, don't worry about these little details," it can be a helpful stalling tactic and make them look overbearing when they still try to control things. Also, why don't you just book your own vendors, and if they double-book without asking you, you just shrug and say "non refundable deposit, already paid."

    If they are really bad, just plan a small vow renewal when it's just the two of you to outweigh any toxic memories of dealing with the inlaws.
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  • Cynthia1207Cynthia1207 member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_parent-law-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:d0b7371e-bf5a-468e-ab2d-e4d0136968d1Post:8a3331d2-5fcd-4b4f-b4ac-83d8c1e405e3">Re: parent in law advice</a>:
    [QUOTE]babbling babbler, i created paragraphs they just didn't show up for some reason. don't need you advice anyways! thanks!
    Posted by krawn[/QUOTE]

    Maybe if you don't want advice, it shouldn't be in the title of the thread....Just saying...However since it is in your title,  here is my advice take it or leave it:

    If they are paying for something, they have a say in decision-making.  I understand texts at 6:30 AM is pretty overbearing but since they are your FI's parents, he should talk to them about limits.  You guys are still in control over your wedding and that is something that they need to understand.  If you want to visit a photographer before booking, they need to understand that.  Thank them for finding one, arrange a meeting with the photographer and then politely inform them of your decision.

    You need to be gracious of what they are offering you.  If you don't agree you are allowed to voice your opinion but do so in a polite manner.  If you can't deal, you'll just have to fork the bill yourselves.
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  • krawnkrawn member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    thanks, i appreciate your response. i'll admit i have been extremely touchy when it comes to them and their input. my fiance is used to his parents and shrugs it off. but i see it as more than just an isolated incident - they're going to be like this for everything. i am working on being more assertive, and telling them my opinion in a kind and loving way, but i feel like it gets us nowhere. it's a difficult situation. thanks.
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  • bablingbrookebablingbrooke member
    5000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_parent-law-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:d0b7371e-bf5a-468e-ab2d-e4d0136968d1Post:8a3331d2-5fcd-4b4f-b4ac-83d8c1e405e3">Re: parent in law advice</a>:
    [QUOTE]babbling babbler, i created paragraphs they just didn't show up for some reason. don't need you advice anyways! thanks!
    Posted by krawn[/QUOTE]
    Type like a grown-up and you'll be treated like one.  You have paragraphs but haven't capitalized a damn thing and you aren't using the sentence structure that the rest of the literate world depends on to understand what you're saying.  It looks like one big run-on sentence.<div>
    </div><div>But this only confirms what I initially suspected: Far too immature to be getting married.  I hope you don't treat everyone who tells you what you don't want to hear this way, including the people who are generously paying for your wedding.</div>
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  • kellya01kellya01
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    OP, I can sympathize.  My mom had some ideas about how she thought the wedding should be.  My FI and I talked about what we wanted, and when she would suggest a place or a caterer, we would tell her what we wanted and she then knew how to proceed.  She contacted some vendors and thankfully didn't sign any contracts for services, so we were okay with her help.

    In the end, I think you and your FI need to get on the same page as far as what you BOTH want in this wedding.  How do you want it to feel?  Formal?  Informal?  Like a party?  Like a quiet ceremony?  I think your family is moving forward because they are trying to be helpful.  Since they are paying for those items, and feel like those items need to be paid for NOW (so they don't lose the vendor or the venue or the date) ... they are well within their rights to go ahead and contract for those items since you have offered them no direction.

    My mom would say "tell me what you want" and then she was better at figuring out how she could help (since my parents are paying for a lot of our wedding).

    Just as an FYI: when I post a question on the boards, I want the best response possible, so I do everything I can to make it easy for the people reading my post.  That may mean that you have to put a little more effort into typing your post or editing if the post doesn't show up correctly.  Best of luck with your situation!  
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  • SaraAndrew2010SaraAndrew2010 member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    really you don't just need paragraphs you also need punctuation captialization and proprer sentence structure it is really difficult to read a post when everything runs together like this and you will find you get more responses if you make your posts more readable and arent so rude to people who offer you advice about posting
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  • trix1223trix1223 member
    5000 Comments 25 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Being snotty and dismissive is a great way to convince people to offer you advice and assistance.  Nice way to start on the boards.

    ETA: What exactly was your point in mentioning that you are Catholic and your FI is Jewish?  That has absoutely nothing to do with your question.
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
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  • bablingbrookebablingbrooke member
    5000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_parent-law-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:d0b7371e-bf5a-468e-ab2d-e4d0136968d1Post:c702b562-cf6e-4ae6-882f-52b9391c6692">Re: parent in law advice</a>:
    [QUOTE]really you don't just need paragraphs you also need punctuation captialization and proprer sentence structure it is really difficult to read a post when everything runs together like this and you will find you get more responses if you make your posts more readable and arent so rude to people who offer you advice about posting
    Posted by SaraAndrew2010[/QUOTE]
    :)
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    "I think bablingbrooke is the 13 yr old marring her cousin at the town hall. Lets all give her a big hand. And hope her inbred children can live normal lives." -tabs.

    A word of warning from your friends at Cracked.com: Remember that text is going to be how you make your first impression over the internet; if every third word you type is misspelled, people will automatically assume that you're a moron.
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  • zitiqueenzitiqueen member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_parent-law-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:d0b7371e-bf5a-468e-ab2d-e4d0136968d1Post:e931bd3f-149d-463c-ad20-c39b58035bbe">Re: parent in law advice</a>:
    [QUOTE]thanks, i appreciate your response. i'll admit i have been extremely touchy when it comes to them and their input. <strong>my fiance is used to his parents and shrugs it off.</strong> <strong>but i see it as more than just an isolated incident - they're going to be like this for everything.</strong> i am working on being more assertive, and telling them my opinion in a kind and loving way, but i feel like it gets us nowhere. it's a difficult situation. thanks.
    Posted by krawn[/QUOTE]

    You have a FI problem, not an IL problem. And guess what? A wedding ring won't change that. I hope you're ready for a lifetime of him not sticking up for you because that's what you're signing up for.
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  • AutumnFairAutumnFair member
    Eighth Anniversary 1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_parent-law-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:d0b7371e-bf5a-468e-ab2d-e4d0136968d1Post:55269b07-c174-4a5c-962a-d87503f1b7dc">Re: parent in law advice</a>:
    [QUOTE]you're exactly right, we are paying for some, but in their eyes they're paying for 90% when in reality it's about 50%. that doesn't really matter entirely, i don't think. i just don't get the whole entitlement thing. looking back it all happened so fast, i just don't want to resent them forever.
    Posted by krawn[/QUOTE]

    <div>If they are paying 50% then that is a good chunk of money. If you think it is nothing then decline<strong> their</strong> money and pay for it yourself. </div><div>
    </div><div>And your right about this not changing in the future. If they know they can control you with their money and your FI do nothing about it then expect this to continue for "as long as you both shall live". Sounds like you have a wussy FI problem too.</div>
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  • vixeyvixey member
    Third Anniversary 100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_parent-law-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:d0b7371e-bf5a-468e-ab2d-e4d0136968d1Post:5b6a192c-a80e-4258-b8dc-b5c2946df1e2">Re: parent in law advice</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: parent in law advice : You have a FI problem, not an IL problem. And guess what? A wedding ring won't change that. I hope you're ready for a lifetime of him not sticking up for you because that's what you're signing up for.
    Posted by zitiqueen[/QUOTE]
    Ditto.

    Especially since you've only met them twice, this is really a situation that your FI needs to handle.  I find it odd for ILs to be this over the top with planning, maybe FI is okaying it and you don't know?

    Alternatively, you could just go with the flow and let them take care of everything.  That would be stress free planning.  It's not something I would be able to do, I'm way too much of a control freak.
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  • moonunit2011moonunit2011
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011

    First of all, I'm going to overlook all of the crap you're getting about your spelling, punctuation, etc. You didn't ask for an english lesson, you asked for advice.

    Next, a lot of people on here are contradictory. They expect you to have a backbone and stand up for yourself, and if you don't, you're a doormat that is going to be walked all over you're entire life. Then, they expect you to back down just because you are being offered money.

    You need to clarify that this money for the wedding is a gift... If it is a gift, it should be given without stipulations for you to do as you wish with. This is you're wedding day, and when it comes down to it, it's about what makes you and you're fiance happy, not what makes whoever is paying for it happy. They should be offering you money because they want you to have what makes you happy. My dad gave me money for the wedding and said "do what you want with it. if you want to use it all on the wedding, go for it. if you want to spend $50 to get married at the courthouse, and blow the rest on anything else, go for it. It's a gift." That's the way it should be. Don't let them ruin what will hopefully be your one and only wedding day because they want it to be all about what they want.

    On the other hand, it might be an understanding. But don't cower and conform to what they want for you... they may think they are making things easier on you. say something like "i'm very gracious for your contribution to the wedding and i appreciate you making arrangements to try to alleviate some of our stress, but we really want to know what's going on before it's set in stone. Would you mind letting us know what you're thinking before you pay the deposit on it?" It shouldn't be hard for them to do. You can also clarify that it doesn't have to be at 6:30.

    Good luck!

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  • Muffin'sMomMuffin'sMom
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    They give you money...they get a big say on how it is spent.  If you don't want to deal with them, give the money back, cancel their plans and do a wedding that you can afford.  It probably won't be the Four Seasons.....
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  • bdrileybdriley
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_parent-law-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:d0b7371e-bf5a-468e-ab2d-e4d0136968d1Post:c2f9a37b-eebc-4e6e-9b2b-ca8b85ab9f85">Re: parent in law advice</a>:
    [QUOTE]First of all, I'm going to overlook all of the crap you're getting about your spelling, punctuation, etc.<strong> You didn't ask for an english lesson, you asked for advice.</strong> Next, a lot of people on here are contradictory. They expect you to have a backbone and stand up for yourself, and if you don't, you're a doormat that is going to be walked all over you're entire life. Then, they expect you to back down just because you are being offered money. You need to clarify that this money for the wedding is a gift... If it is a gift, it should be given without stipulations for you to do as you wish with. This is you're wedding day, and when it comes down to it, it's about what makes you and you're fiance happy, not what makes whoever is paying for it happy.<strong> They should be offering you money because they want you to have what makes you happy</strong>. My dad gave me money for the wedding and said "do what you want with it. if you want to use it all on the wedding, go for it. if you want to spend $50 to get married at the courthouse, and blow the rest on anything else, go for it. It's a gift." That's the way it should be. Don't let them ruin what will hopefully be your one and only wedding day because they want it to be all about what they want. On the other hand, it might be an understanding. But don't cower and conform to what they want for you... they may think they are making things easier on you. say something like "i'm very gracious for your contribution to the wedding and i appreciate you making arrangements to try to alleviate some of our stress, but we really want to know what's going on before it's set in stone. Would you mind letting us know what you're thinking before you pay the deposit on it?" It shouldn't be hard for them to do. You can also clarify that it doesn't have to be at 6:30. Good luck!
    Posted by moonunit2011[/QUOTE]

    Those who read between the errors are the ones who offer the best advice.

    Just because they are offering you money doesn't mean it turns into their wedding.  Your wedding means your choice.  If you can't afford to turn down their support for a big grand wedding then you need to evaluate whether or not you want that type of wedding.  You always have the option of eloping.  You can also deny their support.  As a last option, you can tell them that they are free to plan the wedding entirely but if they continue to deny your input then they'll be paying for an event with no guests of honor because you won't be there.
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  • erolliserollis member
    Sixth Anniversary 1000 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    Grammar and whatnot aside...

    Since FILs  are paying 50% they get exactly that much say. You get to call the shots on the other 50%. Like others have said tell them thank you for the gift and all the help so far. Then say "it is time for you to relax. I will take over the rest of the planning from now on".

    If you hate everything they are doing you do not except their money. You then have a much more inexpensive wedding.

    You seem to be having communication issues with the FILs. So your FI needs to step up to the plate and help with the lack of communication (or miscommunication).

    Also I hope you realise that this is a public forum. To get the best advice it helps to have capitol letters, etc. If you do not want advice or think you may not like the advice given you just don't post. Good luck.
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  • NOLAbridealmostNOLAbridealmost member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    Erollis, 

    You "accept" money, not "except" it. 

    You use "capital" letters, not "capitol" letters.  

    Periods go inside the quotation marks (.") not outside (".)

    If you want to criticize someone's grammar, fine.  Just make sure you don't riddle your own post with errors.  Sheesh. 

    And P.S., because you're from Houston I'll mention that it's "realize" not "realise" in American-English, but "realise" would have been correct if you were from England. 
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  • emeddietorresemeddietorres member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Try explaining to them you don't want them to have any stress at all about the planning. If you can get a budget number to work with tell them you'll do everything. Also set aside specific times to talk with them about everything you've looked into so you even plan the planning, if they know you're on top of it they can't use the excuse of not wanting stress.

     Mention that with the internet today it doesn't matter you are not in their town you can still take care of everything and then ask for advice on little things you could go either way on. Maybe your fiance could help emphasize to them you don't want to trouble them with planning after their generous offer to help pay. Though it does sound like he may have to be more direct in explaining to them you have always pictured your wedding a certain way and it means a lot to you to be the main decision maker along with your fiance to really reflect your relationship and tastes.

    They should be included since they're paying but try not to let it get heated or you'll taint your relationship with them and that's not a happy start. Your day will be special and worth it in the end, stay cool, be honest but nice... Good luck!

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  • dkgillydkgilly
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    It sounds like you're more upset about having your opinion overlooked by your FIL and possibly your fiance...?  Do you think there is a way to approach them and ask for a meeting?  Maybe you can create a story board or collect some ideas for what you've envisioned for your wedding day.  Show the what you want to do.  I think it's important that you express your gratitude, but also explain to them that you'd really like to be more involved in the process...w/o getting upset or defensive.

    I can understand how you'd feel upset about being left out of the planning for your own wedding, and I don't think that this means that your a spoiled brat.  It's the biggest day of your life and you want it to reflect your personality.


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  • krawnkrawn member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    thank you ladies! wow, at first i thought i made a mistake by doing this blog b/c reading over what i wrote, one could misinterpret what i said as being ungrateful. which, i think, is really not the case. i talk to his parents almost more than i talk to my own and i know their intentions are good. things have chilled out a bit, although my fil asked my fiance the other day what i'm doing about my bridesmaids dresses. my first thought is 'why is he even worried about that?', but it's laughable now and it really is a balancing act. i need to be more assertive so they do know what i like and even who i am.

    thank you to the last several girls: bdriley, dkgilly, NOLAbridealmost, emeddietorres - you rock and happy wedding planning: )
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  • krawnkrawn member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    hey babbler,
    when i need grammar advice you'll be the first i ask... well probably not - wedding advice - not your thing.
    have a lovely life. muah.
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  • bablingbrookebablingbrooke member
    5000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_parent-law-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:d0b7371e-bf5a-468e-ab2d-e4d0136968d1Post:e579a09b-ac6f-4bb8-b9b0-43c4742ab504">Re: parent in law advice</a>:
    [QUOTE]hey babbler, when i need grammar advice you'll be the first i ask... well probably not - wedding advice - not your thing. have a lovely life. muah.
    Posted by krawn[/QUOTE]
    What is your issue?  Nothing, but nothing, calls for this level of rudeness toward me.  All I did was ask that you edit your OP to make it easier for people to help you--a sentiment echoed by several others, I might add. Come on back when you grow up and can carry yourself like an adult.  Otherwise the internet is probably not for you.
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    "I think bablingbrooke is the 13 yr old marring her cousin at the town hall. Lets all give her a big hand. And hope her inbred children can live normal lives." -tabs.

    A word of warning from your friends at Cracked.com: Remember that text is going to be how you make your first impression over the internet; if every third word you type is misspelled, people will automatically assume that you're a moron.
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  • marissa_clairemarissa_claire member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Krawn, you are way out of line.  Brooke gives some of the best advice around.  Just because you didn't want to hear it doesn't make it bad advice. 

    Simply put, money towards a wedding =/= gift.  I don't even know who said that, but the money almost always comes with strings attached.  If you are going to accept that money from your in-laws, then they get a say in how this shindig goes down.  If you don't like that, then you need to roll with what the first poster said and decline the money and pay for your own wedding.  
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  • bablingbrookebablingbrooke member
    5000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_parent-law-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:d0b7371e-bf5a-468e-ab2d-e4d0136968d1Post:abbbb0dc-55a3-4378-8749-18457acde335">Re: parent in law advice</a>:
    [QUOTE]Krawn, you are way out of line.  Brooke gives some of the best advice around.  Just because you didn't want to hear it doesn't make it bad advice.  
    Posted by marissa_claire[/QUOTE]
    As, thanks Marissa!
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    "I think bablingbrooke is the 13 yr old marring her cousin at the town hall. Lets all give her a big hand. And hope her inbred children can live normal lives." -tabs.

    A word of warning from your friends at Cracked.com: Remember that text is going to be how you make your first impression over the internet; if every third word you type is misspelled, people will automatically assume that you're a moron.
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  • bdrileybdriley
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_parent-law-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:d0b7371e-bf5a-468e-ab2d-e4d0136968d1Post:abbbb0dc-55a3-4378-8749-18457acde335">Re: parent in law advice</a>:
    [QUOTE]Krawn, you are way out of line.  <strong>Brooke gives some of the best advice around.</strong>  Just because you didn't want to hear it doesn't make it bad advice.  Simply put, money towards a wedding =/= gift.  I don't even know who said that, but the money almost always comes with strings attached.  If you are going to accept that money from your in-laws, then they get a say in how this shindig goes down.  If you don't like that, then you need to roll with what the first poster said and decline the money and pay for your own wedding.  
    Posted by marissa_claire[/QUOTE]

    She is also very antagonistic when she posts which is why many people reply in such a defensive way.
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  • bablingbrookebablingbrooke member
    5000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_parent-law-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:d0b7371e-bf5a-468e-ab2d-e4d0136968d1Post:b816577f-b0f1-499e-ad07-222e8d6a1a64">Re: parent in law advice</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: parent in law advice : She is also very antagonistic when she posts which is why many people reply in such a defensive way.
    Posted by bdriley[/QUOTE]
    I don't think that's fair.  People who get defensive with me are usually defensive with everyone else who doesn't tell them what they want to hear.  This level of animosity is quite unlike anything else I've experienced in 2 1/2 years, which is why I'm so taken aback by it.<div>
    </div><div>And truly, I don't deserve it for this.  I was very nice and just asked her to clarify her post a bit so people could help her because truthfully it was difficult to read.  Why that deserves ANY sort of response like this is beyond me.</div>
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