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I've had it, I think I actually might cry

I'm not the crying type, I don't like to cry in front of people, I try really hard to hide emotions... etc, etc, etc.  But I am so fed up with everything that I just really want to break down at this point.  Ladies, hardly anything is going right and I don't know what to do.

I'm having two florists, one for the ceremony one for the reception, because a friend is doing the ceremony and I don't want her to have to rush to the reception venue too.  She'll be a guest, I want her to enjoy.  The problem is that neither of my florists are getting back to me!  I've been calling or emailing.  I've talked to the reception florist recently and she was supposed to be measuring some vases for me to get me dimensions and pricing and was supposed to have emailed me days ago and I haven't heard of anything.  She keeps doing this to me too.  We talk every couple weeks about the same damn thing over and over because I have to keep refreshing her memory.  I'm so ready to fire her and find another damn florist for the reception.  But I don't want to do this because she is just starting her own new business and she's a mom and a local person.  I just rather give money to these people during struggling times, but like damn girl, work for it, earn it.  I just don't know how much longer I can wait around for her.

The tuxes haven't been ordered yet.  We're having such issues with the colors we want to use because non of the greens or ivories seem to match what we've already chosen for the girls and me.  I'm getting frustrated with this too because I just almost don't care anymore.  I'm so close to just telling the guys to show up with whatever isn't wrinkles from their closet! 

I had my bridal shower the other day and it was amazing.  We had a blast.  Unfortunately, my FI step mom didn't come or even send a card with her regrets.  I'm pretty hurt because I feel like I should've at least received a card (even if there isn't anything in the card monetarily).  I guess it also fuels the fire that FIs dad hasn't yet told us whether or not he's contributing to the wedding and my question is this - what are you fn waiting for?  aFter the wedding?  If you don't want to contribute, fine.  If financially you don't feel you can, that's fine too.  I understand.  What I don't understand is why you can't at least tell us this so I can budget around you.  Anyway, after the bridal shower my FI received reports from a few guests that his sisters (one of which is my BM) were a little rude during the afternoon and they were stand offish.  this took us both by surprise, but if a few people said the same thing, I find it hard to believe this it would be exaggerated at all.  Regardless, he called both his sisters and said he was a little disappointed in their behavior towards my family and our friends.  Now they're both not answering his calls and when his one sister finally did return a call, he could tell she was still upset with him for saying anything.  I'm concerned she's going to hold a grudge for a while and isn't going to want to be my BM anymore.  More importantly I'm concerned about losing a friend. 

The bachelor party is this weekend (yes a little early bc our BM is leaving for Afghanistan and he wanted to be able to plan and stay involved in at least this).  Well I'm hearing reports from one of the groomsmen that everything is totally fd up with the driving situation and how many people are coming and what they're doign, etc etc etc.  Well I'm so concerned that no one is going to come to his bach party.  His friends aren't too reliable with some stuff and they have a habit of missing important events or flaking off on us for whatever reason.  If no one comes to his bach party I know he is going to be devastated.  And I know that its a mixture of poor communication between the groomsmen and just other stuff.  Oh, and they're going skydiving.  My one friend had the audacity to say, "oh, my friend who did this for a living and was a professional, died because his shoot wouldn't open".  Thank you, that makes me feel so much better!

This was supposed to be easy.  I'm good at planning, scratch that I'm excellent at doing this kind of stuff, getting my vision across, making decisions.  How come no one is calling me back?  Why is there so much drama?  I've always wanted a big beautiful wedding and now I just want to elope and start a life.  This is no longer appealing to me, its no longer fun, it just sucks.  I feel like everything is just falling to pieces.  

And finallly here come the tears.  I needed this.  If anyone read my huge venting novel thank you for listening

Re: I've had it, I think I actually might cry

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    Reilly2BeReilly2Be member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011

    Hang in there! Just remember when times get stressful, just take a step back and breathe. What matters is that you're marrying best friend.

    As for the whole florist issue...definitely find a new one. I have a side floral business and it's our job to make everything as stress free as possible. If they're not returning your calls then who's to say they'll even show up at the wedding. It's great to support local people but they need to be there for you.

    Best of luck on your wedding, it will be wonderful no matter what :)

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    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_ive-think-actually-might-cry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:d1344540-94fc-45a2-8472-6d2e3e180b75Post:f091b4f0-6f0b-4dda-95fd-d2255f78efd4">I've had it, I think I actually might cry</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'm not the crying type, I don't like to cry in front of people, I try really hard to hide emotions... etc, etc, etc.  But I am so fed up with everything that I just really want to break down at this point.  Ladies, hardly anything is going right and I don't know what to do. I'm having two florists, one for the ceremony one for the reception, because a friend is doing the ceremony and I don't want her to have to rush to the reception venue too.  She'll be a guest, I want her to enjoy.  The problem is that neither of my florists are getting back to me!  I've been calling or emailing.  I've talked to the reception florist recently and she was supposed to be measuring some vases for me to get me dimensions and pricing and was supposed to have emailed me days ago and I haven't heard of anything.  She keeps doing this to me too.  We talk every couple weeks about the same damn thing over and over because I have to keep refreshing her memory.  I'm so ready to fire her and find another damn florist for the reception.  But I don't want to do this because she is just starting her own new business and she's a mom and a local person.  I just rather give money to these people during struggling times, but like damn girl, work for it, earn it.  I just don't know how much longer I can wait around for her.
    <strong>You have two professional florists working for you. You're just going to have to trust that they know how long it takes to order things and they will get it done in time. That's why you pay people, so that you don't have to worry about it. Your frequent calls and emails are probably annoying them.</strong>

    The tuxes haven't been ordered yet.  We're having such issues with the colors we want to use because non of the greens or ivories seem to match what we've already chosen for the girls and me.  I'm getting frustrated with this too because I just almost don't care anymore.  I'm so close to just telling the guys to show up with whatever isn't wrinkles from their closet!  
     
    <strong>You are never going to find an exact match for the ivory and green. Just try for 'close.' Try a deeper shade of green and ivory for the men. Some variation in the colors will add interest. I promise none of your guests will be shocked.</strong>

    I had my bridal shower the other day and it was amazing.  We had a blast.  Unfortunately, my FI step mom didn't come or even send a card with her regrets.  I'm pretty hurt because I feel like I should've at least received a card (even if there isn't anything in the card monetarily).  I guess it also fuels the fire that FIs dad hasn't yet told us whether or not he's contributing to the wedding and my question is this - what are you fn waiting for?  aFter the wedding?  If you don't want to contribute, fine.  If financially you don't feel you can, that's fine too.  I understand.  What I don't understand is why you can't at least tell us this so I can budget around you. 
    <strong>Your FSMIL should have responded to the invitation. But you had a great time, so why can't you just let it go. Your FILs are not obligated to help finance your wedding. They do not have to explain anything to you. If they wish to contribute, they will let you know. Until they hand you a check, you should assume they are not contributing. Plan your wedding according to what you and fi can afford. </strong>

     Anyway, after the bridal shower my FI received reports from a few guests that his sisters (one of which is my BM) were a little rude during the afternoon and they were stand offish.  this took us both by surprise, but if a few people said the same thing, I find it hard to believe this it would be exaggerated at all.  Regardless, he called both his sisters and said he was a little disappointed in their behavior towards my family and our friends.  Now they're both not answering his calls and when his one sister finally did return a call, he could tell she was still upset with him for saying anything.  I'm concerned she's going to hold a grudge for a while and isn't going to want to be my BM anymore.  More importantly I'm concerned about losing a friend. 

    <strong>Your guests were rude to complain about your FSIL's behaviour. Your fi was rude to call them out on it. He should apologize to his sisters</strong>.

    The bachelor party is this weekend (yes a little early bc our BM is leaving for Afghanistan and he wanted to be able to plan and stay involved in at least this).  Well I'm hearing reports from one of the groomsmen that everything is totally fd up with the driving situation and how many people are coming and what they're doign, etc etc etc.  Well I'm so concerned that no one is going to come to his bach party.  His friends aren't too reliable with some stuff and they have a habit of missing important events or flaking off on us for whatever reason.  If no one comes to his bach party I know he is going to be devastated.  And I know that its a mixture of poor communication between the groomsmen and just other stuff.  Oh, and they're going skydiving.  My one friend had the audacity to say, "oh, my friend who did this for a living and was a professional, died because his shoot wouldn't open". 
    <strong>Forget about all the bachelor party stuff. This has nothing to do with you. Let his friends organize things, however they like. I'm sure they don't want you constantly checking up on the plans.

    </strong>Thank you, that makes me feel so much better! This was supposed to be easy.  I'm good at planning, scratch that I'm excellent at doing this kind of stuff, getting my vision across, making decisions.  How come no one is calling me back?  Why is there so much drama?  I've always wanted a big beautiful wedding and now I just want to elope and start a life.  This is no longer appealing to me, its no longer fun, it just sucks.  I feel like everything is just falling to pieces.   And finallly here come the tears.  I needed this.  If anyone read my huge venting novel thank you for listening
    Posted by fallingwater[/QUOTE]
    <strong>
    You may be excellent at planning, but your controlling nature is sucking the joy out of it for you and those near and dear to you.  No wedding is perfect. There will be surprises and things will go wrong. That's life. You have to learn to roll with it or you'll end up having a nervous breakdown.
    </strong>
                       
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    bablingbrookebablingbrooke member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Striving for perfection will only leave you disappointed.  Aim for fun.  We did that and found our wedding WAS perfect as a result.
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    trix1223trix1223 member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011

    Boy, that Maire is so smart.  Please go back and listen to her.  Because her advice is just perfect.

    And as you continue through the process, please start asking yourself this question:  even if the greens don't match, will I still be married at the end of the day?  Even if FSMIL doesn't come to the shower, will I still be married at the end of the day?  Even if my flowers aren't perfect, will I still be married at the end of the day?

    Because I think you're losing sight of what really matters here.  And that's a shame.

    Reality check: Can you exactly describe the flowers at the last six weddings you attended?  No?  That's because it's a detail.  And the fine details only matter to brides planning their own weddings.

    And those brides have sadly been taken in by wedding magazines, websites, and tv shows that convince you that things like that matter.  They blow everything about weddings out of proportion and make you believe that silliness is the norm rather than the exception.  Don't get sucked into the wedding marketers black hole.

    Your wedding is still 3 months away.  Your vendors know what they're doing.    The florist isn't even going to pull your order out of the pile until the week of your wedding.  They don't need to.   Tuxes don't need to be ordered yet.  They can literally be ordered in the last couple of weeks. 

    Relax.  The only person making this hard is you.  And again, I attribute so much of brides feeling just like you do to those #%&@ wedding shows that do a pretty great job of making people believe that everything is hard when planning a wedding.  It's not.

    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
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    TheCranberryTheCranberry member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Take a deep breath, relax your shoulders, shake the kink out of your neck, and relax.  You've gotten your venting out of the way.

    The PP's are right.  You need to calm down.  The GM's don't have to match the brides exactly. I like the suggestion of the men having a darker green than the ladies.  If your florist isn't getting back to you like she should, perhaps you should consider another one.  Just because she's a local, single mom just starting out doesn't mean she doesn't have to be on point with her business.

    Let the bridal shower thing go.  It already happened.  Leave FI to smooth things over with his sisters.  Let the bachelor party planning happen with his friends.  It shouldn't concern you.
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    edited December 2011
    [QUOTE]Hang in there! Just remember when times get stressful, just take a step back and breathe. What matters is that you're marrying best friend. As for the whole florist issue...definitely find a new one... If they're not returning your calls then who's to say they'll even show up at the wedding. It's great to support local people but they need to be there for you.[/QUOTE]

    i couldn't agree more. the bridal party, his groomsmen--they're all extraneous. the most important thing is that you remain calm and enjoy YOUR day. the funniest part about weddings is the fact that you'll spend months planning an event that lasts a grand total of about 2-4 hours. the ceremony is only 20 mins, lol. :) i would recommend getting a new florist. and if you want to support locally owned businesses, just find another--more reliable and efficient--local florist. don't make yourself suffer on someone else's account.

    as for your future father in law, maybe your fiance could step in and ask him directly if he's contributing or not, and for a ball-park figure of how much he's contributing, that way a load's off your back and at least that chapter is closed. if he's without an answer, begin planning for him not to contribute. that way, if he does, it's extra money in your pocket.

    hang in there! everything will--one way or another--work itself out, and with your apparent knack for planning, this will be behind you in no time. :) good luck with everything!

    PS: i'm a crybaby, so it's okay, lol. sometimes you just have to get it out.
    -ronettacheryll
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    bablingbrookebablingbrooke member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I want to elaborate on my earlier post.

    I can't imagine what you'd need to talk to a florist about three months before the wedding.  Many florists can't give you a price until the week before since they don't know the price of the flowers until then.

    This is (presumably) your first wedding.  This is probably your florists' 500th.  If they come highly recommended and you like their work, why are you freaking out?  You need to trust them and leave them alone.  Vendors will drop people who harass them.  And if something goes wrong, it'll be fine.  Our boutonnieres looked ridiculous--the florist really did drop the ball.  She arranged these five leaves around the flowers so they looked like big green stars.  But I survived, DH survived, and you can barely tell in the photos how stupid they look.  The flowers didn't prevent us from going through with the wedding, taking photos with our friends and family, dancing with my young cousins, or having a blast all night.  To think--how much energy would I have wasted had I freaked out about the flowers for months prior to that?  Heck, I didn't even notice the ceremony flowers and didn't even realize we had any until I saw them at my MIL's house the next day.

    Please don't lose sight of what a wedding is about.  No one notices the details--sometimes not even the bride.  Anyone who is this obsessed with the details of the wedding needs a deep breath and to really think about things.  This is a one-day party.  You have a whole marriage coming afterward.  Wouldn't you want to focus on the marriage, not the party?
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    edited December 2011
    What Maire and Trix said!
    My baby girl is a married woman...and now my baby girl HAS a baby girl. Time unfolds in such an amazing way. I've been blessed!
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    trix1223trix1223 member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_ive-think-actually-might-cry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:d1344540-94fc-45a2-8472-6d2e3e180b75Post:3dc6d98d-33cb-48a2-b401-c5f2f0a971fc">Re: I've had it, I think I actually might cry</a>:
    [QUOTE]i couldn't agree more. the bridal party, his groomsmen--they're all extraneous. the most important thing is that you remain calm and enjoy YOUR day. the funniest part about weddings is the fact that you'll spend months planning an event that lasts a grand total of about 2-4 hours. the ceremony is only 20 mins, lol. :) i would recommend getting a new florist. and if you want to support locally owned businesses, just find another--more reliable and efficient--local florist. don't make yourself suffer on someone else's account. <em><strong>as for your future father in law, maybe your fiance could step in and ask him directly if he's contributing or not, and for a ball-park figure of how much he's contributing, that way a load's off your back and at least that chapter is closed. </strong></em>if he's without an answer, begin planning for him not to contribute. that way, if he does, it's extra money in your pocket. hang in there! everything will--one way or another--work itself out, and with your apparent knack for planning, this will be behind you in no time. :) good luck with everything! PS: i'm a crybaby, so it's okay, lol. sometimes you just have to get it out.
    Posted by ronetta12[/QUOTE]

    This is very bad advice.  Plan as if he's NOT contributing.  Plan the wedding that you can afford without his help.  And then if he does, later in the game, offer~great.  If not, you're not in over your head, because your budget wasn't driven by him.

    Please don't count on ANY money unless you have it in your hand and deposit it in your own bank account.  These boards are rife with couples who were promised "help" with weddings, only to have it pulled.  They are then in financial difficulties.

    It's also poor form to ask anyone how much they're contributing.  If OP'S FFIL was going to contribute, he likely would have said/done so by now.
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
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    edited December 2011
    I know this might seem like weird advice, but really, no one is looking at the men.  lol...The attention during the ceremony is first going to be on you and then you and your groom.  I have never been to a wedding and actually looked at the bridesmaids or groomsmen that closely (well, until after the ceremony, during the reception, when they are acting nuts).  I've paid attention mostly to the couple.  There isn't going to be a Pantone man there comparing colors.  I think having the men in darker colors would be really nice complement to the girls and would be a nice masculine touch.

    As for the contribution part, I agree with the other girls.  They can give or not give and there is really no obligation on their part to pay.  Would it be really nice?  Would it ease the tension? (Am I having the same issue?  You bet).  Sure, but DO not count on it. 

    Also, tears can sometimes be good.  Let it out.  It's a great stress reducer.


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    emjohn1019emjohn1019 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Hmmm, as an overplanner and wedding perfectionst, I want to say, "Yes! I understand! That's so frustrating!" but the bride in me has some different advice.

    It seems like everything I plan in relation to my own wedding is not how I imagined it. Nothing is going smoothly, despite my flawless planning, I have no idea who's contributing what, and it seems like everytime I move a step forward, I move two steps back. But, the truth is, of all the issues you mentioned, the only one that sticks out to me is the shower.

    Fire the florist, keep the florist - it doesn't matter. True, your florist won't even get back to you for a few months, so you should stop hassling her. But, if you don't feel a good and comfortable vibe working with her, find a new one.

    With regard to you fiance's dad - he is under NO obligation to pay for your wedding. Plan your wedding without it and if he decides to contribute at a later date, great!

    About the Bachelor Party - the bride has nothing to do with this. Let it go. Your fiance's a big boy. And if his friends are that flaky, well, then it's time he got new friends.

    Now, about the shower. First, I think it's important that you and your fiance sit down with the offending party. If they were rude to your guests, there's a reason for it. Do they secretly not like you? Are they jealous that you're getting married? Or did they just have a nasty case of PMS? Either way, this person is going to be in your family for the rest of your life, so if there is a major issue, better to nip it in the bud now. And frankly, if she's a BM and she can't support you, she shouldn't be in the bridal party. That space is reserved for the women who love and support you. But, mainly, it's about keeping the family peace. If you honestly don't know why she was so rude, it's important for you and your fiance's future happiness, to find out.

    Best of luck and remember to breathe. It's you and your fiance. That's all. :-)
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    luckyme502luckyme502 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    My wedding is in 3 weeks, and I am not as stressed as you.  Do you want to know my secret?  All of those details don't matter.  I just told my FI last night, all that stuff is great, but as long as FI, officiant and I show up, we will get married, which is all that matters.  Let things go.  It will save you stress and you will enjoy planning more. 
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    sarah42ndsarah42nd member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_ive-think-actually-might-cry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:d1344540-94fc-45a2-8472-6d2e3e180b75Post:f091b4f0-6f0b-4dda-95fd-d2255f78efd4">I've had it, I think I actually might cry</a>:
    [QUOTE]I <strong> But I don't want to do this because she is<em> just starting her own new business and she's a mom and a local person.</em>  I just rather give money to these people during struggling times, but like damn girl, work for it, earn it. </strong>
    Posted by fallingwater[/QUOTE]

    I can see where the florist thing is freaking you out. I think your friend that is doing the ceremony is fine but the reception florist  would kind of make me uneasy .  Has she done alot of wedding ? Are you one of her first?  Have you seen her work for weddings? She might be a great florist but can she handle a wedding ? I mean if she said that she would measure vases and keep you updated on a certain time or date then I would be a little upset . If she can't keep taht date then is she going to show up on your wedding date?

    I think you should just relax  alittle . Its your day but not everyone elses  lives evolve  around you . I think the thing about your  FI sisters  was kind of out of line. If people didn't like there behavor then they didn't . Maybe they were nervous and didn't no anyone.
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