Please help this MOB help her daughter with bride maid problem

Maria222

My daughter who is getting married next year wanted only her sister as MOH, NO bridesmaids.  I asked her many times if she was sure and she was absolute in her decision. She wanted to keep things simple. Then we go to a family get-together and my niece comes up to me and says that my daughter has decided she wants bridesmaids and she and her sister will be added to the bridal party.  I said no that's not what she wants.
So I ask my daughter and she says it's OK if they want to, it's no big deal, let them, they are family. But I know this isn't what she wants.  This also will open the door for another cousin (age 15) who she really does not want and who already said she wanted to be in it.
Do I get involved?  Since when do people ask to be in bridal parties?  Thanks for any suggestions.

aerinpegadrak

Sorry, but if your daughter is old enough to be getting married, she's old enough to be dealing with this sort of thing herself.  If she's decided that it's more important to make her cousins happy than to stick to her initial plan, then that's her choice. 

Your heart's in the right place, but I think you need to butt out and let her fight her own battles.

zitiqueen

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_please-this-mob-her-daughter-bride-maid-problem?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:d2d9e301-9522-45e7-960b-867984b58128Post:ef5c5f12-3391-449b-8867-c5c86753144a">Please help this MOB help her daughter with bride maid problem</a>:
[QUOTE]My daughter who is getting married next year wanted only her sister as MOH, NO bridesmaids.  I asked her many times if she was sure and she was absolute in her decision. She wanted to keep things simple. Then we go to a family get-together and my niece comes up to me and says that my daughter has decided she wants bridesmaids and she and her sister will be added to the bridal party.  I said no that's not what she wants. So I ask my daughter and she says it's OK if they want to, it's no big deal, let them, they are family. But I know this isn't what she wants.  This also will open the door for another cousin (age 15) who she really does not want and who already said she wanted to be in it. Do I get involved?  Since when do people ask to be in bridal parties?  Thanks for any suggestions.
Posted by Maria222[/QUOTE]

NatandIsaac

If you daughter says it's fine, then it's fine. She is an adult, right?

MairePoppy

from another MOB: Your daughter should weigh the pros and cons and come to a decision based on her own judgement. Let your daughter know that you are fine with whatever she decides and then stay out of it.
If your nieces go to you again, tell them it's not your decision.

aerinpegadrak

I should add that I would be beyond mortified if I found out that my mom were interfering in something like this.  I was embarrassed enough when she was telling my siblings that they all had to behave and defer to me because it was "my day" (gag); had she tried to meddle with the wedding party, there would have been words.  Very loud ones.

lalap69

Talk things over with your daughter to make sure that she's sure if you have that kind of relationship, but definitely don't get involved beyond that.  If you're approached by any of the nieces, just say that it's not up to you at all and leave it at that.

[Deleted User]

Your daughter needs to stick up for herself and not let get pressured or stuck in something she does not want. Once she agrees to let those girls be BM's, there is no un-doing it. They are in. Period.

Maria222

I really have not gotten involved at all beyond our original discussion. I just know that my daughter did not want any bridesmaids and if she did, she would have chosen her friends who are closer to her than her cousin.  She is just trying to keep the peace, and there is something to be said about that.  I guess I'm just feeling protective. It also complicates things for her fiancée who has a zillion friends and it was easier for him to just pick one and say it was because of my daughter!

ootmother2

Your daughter (I hope) is old enough to speak for herself.  Stay out of it.

I know that my daughter would be mortified if I tried to interfer with her chosing her bridal party.

trix1223

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_please-this-mob-her-daughter-bride-maid-problem?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:d2d9e301-9522-45e7-960b-867984b58128Post:580c9b38-2e56-4cf1-bb22-1d58fa65279f">Re: Please help this MOB help her daughter with bride maid problem</a>:
[QUOTE]I really have not gotten involved at all beyond our original discussion. I just know that my daughter did not want any bridesmaids and if she did, she would have chosen her friends who are closer to her than her cousin.  She is just trying to keep the peace, and there is something to be said about that.  I guess I'm just feeling protective. It also complicates things for her fiancée who has a zillion friends <strong>and it was easier for him to just pick one and say it was because of my daughter!</strong>
Posted by Maria222[/QUOTE]

I agree with other pps.  Your DD is apparently a big girl if she's getting married.  Sorry mom, but this former MOG and MOB says it's time for you to stop running interference for your DD.  She needs to start making her own decisions and living with the consequences of her decisions if she's ever going to grow up.

As for the bolded part,  I know in our day, WPs were always symmetrical, but that's simply not (thankfully!!) the case anymore.  Your DD chooses who she wants to stand with her, and her FI chooses who he wants.  The numbers do not have to match.  He should not be limited because of her decision.

aerinpegadrak

Well, her FI was (and is) welcome to choose any of his zillions of friends to stand up for him, regardless of how many bridesmaids there are.  Passing the blame off to his future wife isn't exactly commendable.