MOH - candlelighters dress lengths

kittenly

My dress will be long, and my sister who is my MOH wants to also be in long.  But I'm thinking the two female candlelighters (16 yo) will look best in short.  Want something they will wear to prom/dances/special occasion. 

Will it look silly to have the 2 of us in long and the girls in short?  They will also be passing out the bubbles at the reception.  FI and BM will be in tuxes, ushers in suits and it's a church wedding.

Thanks for your comments!

bablingbrooke

Candlelighters aren't part of the WP so you don't get a say in what they wear.

trix1223

ditto brooke.  You get to choose the attire (one would hope with input from the people who have to wear said attire) of the WP.  Candlelighters don't fall into that category.  They get to wear whatever they'd like.

AutumnFair

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_moh-candlelighters-dress-lengths?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:d4f01fae-ae8d-4b3f-b15d-ab330a0a01dbPost:ff6efeee-38c7-4686-a8a8-0fe773502516">MOH - candlelighters dress lengths</a>:
[QUOTE]My dress will be long, and my sister who is my MOH wants to also be in long.  But I'm thinking the two female candlelighters (16 yo) will look best in short.  Want something they will wear to prom/dances/special occasion.  Will it look silly to have the 2 of us in long and the girls in short?  They will also be passing out the bubbles at the reception.  FI and BM will be in tuxes, ushers in suits and it's a church wedding. Thanks for your comments!
Posted by kittenly[/QUOTE]

Like the PP pointed out, candlelighters are not WP people so just like the Readers you have no say in how they dress. Problem solved.

kittenly

I was the candlelighter for my sisters wedding when I was a teenager and had to wear a matching dress to the other lighter, and was considered part of the wedding party so hearing this is a surprise to me. 

I'm also buying their dresses.

trix1223

You were duped.

bablingbrooke

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_moh-candlelighters-dress-lengths?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:d4f01fae-ae8d-4b3f-b15d-ab330a0a01dbPost:46153607-19a8-4578-9a40-ff0a799eed0f">Re: MOH - candlelighters dress lengths</a>:
[QUOTE]I was the candlelighter for my sisters wedding when I was a teenager and had to wear a matching dress to the other lighter, and was considered part of the wedding party so hearing this is a surprise to me.  I'm also buying their dresses.
Posted by kittenly[/QUOTE]
Candlelighters aren't part of the WP.  Your sister was in the wrong.  Save your money and let these girls wear what they want.  

AutumnFair

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_moh-candlelighters-dress-lengths?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:d4f01fae-ae8d-4b3f-b15d-ab330a0a01dbPost:46153607-19a8-4578-9a40-ff0a799eed0f">Re: MOH - candlelighters dress lengths</a>:
[QUOTE]I was the candlelighter for my sisters wedding when I was a teenager and had to wear a matching dress to the other lighter, and was considered part of the wedding party so hearing this is a surprise to me.  I'm also buying their dresses.
Posted by kittenly[/QUOTE]

I've been in and to a number of weddings with candlelighters and never have I seen the girls have matching dresses. I would say save yourself some cash and let them wear whatever nice dress they have in their closet because once again, candlelighters are like readers they are just part of the wedding ceremony, they aren't actually apart of the WP itself. I believe WP only consists of Bride, Groom, Bridesmaids, Groomsmen, Flower Girl, and Ring Bearer.

banana468

It's one thing if they want to coordinate but candle lighters aren't in the WP.

They're still invited to the rehearsal dinner as they're part of the ceremony but unless they line up with the BMs they're not in the WP.

kittenly

Guess I should've done some more research on this website before posting....

Attendants: A Glossary of Who's Who in the Wedding Party

Candle LighterIn some Christian ceremonies, pre-teens aged nine to 12 light candles at the altar just before the mother of the bride (see below) is seated. Candle lighters may dress like the wedding party or not. Your choice. rch through what this website has to say;

http://wedding.theknot.com/groom-groomsmen/groomsmen-guide/articles/wedding-party-glossary.aspx

bablingbrooke

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_moh-candlelighters-dress-lengths?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:d4f01fae-ae8d-4b3f-b15d-ab330a0a01dbPost:9e4789e8-4592-4f9c-82dc-ab7ef35df1b7">Re: MOH - candlelighters dress lengths</a>:
[QUOTE]Guess I should've done some more research on this website before posting.... Attendants: A Glossary of Who's Who in the Wedding Party Candle Lighter In some Christian ceremonies, pre-teens aged nine to 12 light candles at the altar just before the mother of the bride (see below) is seated. Candle lighters may dress like the wedding party or not. Your choice. rch through what this website has to say; <a href="http://wedding.theknot.com/groom-groomsmen/groomsmen-guide/articles/wedding-party-glossary.aspx" rel="nofollow">http://wedding.theknot.com/groom-groomsmen/groomsmen-guide/articles/wedding-party-glossary.aspx</a>
Posted by kittenly[/QUOTE]
Take everything TK tells you with a grain of salt.  They aren't trying to teach you etiquette, they're trying to make money off you.<div>
</div><div>Read Emily Post, or Miss Manners, or any other etiquette guide that does NOT have corporate sponsorship.  They're the only real game in town.</div>

aerinpegadrak

The Knot would tell you that every single person present at the ceremony is in some way a member of the WP if that willl get you to buy them all gifts and matching attire from their advertisers.  Seriously, the only people who can be told what to wear are the bridesmaids/men and groomsmen/maids.  Everyone else, even if they have a role in the ceremony, gets to wear whatever they want.  If you really want to buy them a new dress for it, give them a price cap and take them shopping so they can pick it out themselves.  But they can probably get by with something nice they already own.

LoveMuffins

It's your wedding, and if you're paying for the dresses, and they're ok with wearing the dresses you pick out, then I don't see anything wrong with them matching. Heck, I wouldn't see anything wrong with it even if you weren't paying for the dresses, as long as they were on board.

That being said, it still doesn't sound like they'll be standing next to you with the bridesmaids, so no one will probably think anything of the different dress length. Also, even if they are, there are two of them, so it won't look out of place like it would if it was just one of them, if you want to put them in shorter dresses.

AutumnFair

Darnit, I just knew that OP was going to throw theknot's definition in there.

You do realize that theknot is a wedding website where its profits come from advertisers in the Wedding Industry, so in turn they write, post, etc anything to get Brides to buy from said vendors?

kittenly

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_moh-candlelighters-dress-lengths?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:d4f01fae-ae8d-4b3f-b15d-ab330a0a01dbPost:46afc6d1-3e8f-4872-a787-773a8c1aed7e">Re: MOH - candlelighters dress lengths</a>:
[QUOTE]Darnit, I just knew that OP was going to throw theknot's definition in there. You do realize that theknot is a wedding website where its profits come from advertisers in the Wedding Industry, so in turn they write, post, etc anything to get Brides to buy from said vendors?
Posted by AutumnFair[/QUOTE]

Yes I do realize that The Knot is a wedding website and where the profits come from.  What I was asking was about dress lengths, and would it look odd to have different lenght dresses walking up the aisle, regardless of what their role is.  I appreciate the one opinion I did receive on the topic of dress lengths.

AutumnFair

And we are telling you that you really shouldn't have to be this situation because they really do not have to get matching outfits.

If they are all for you buying an outfit for them, then just go with them to try to stuff on. The dress can be totally opposite in color, length, and fabric as the BMs dresses or they can be similiar it really doesn't matter since they are not BMs or part of the WP and they won't be in any pictures with each other. So basically, whatever looks good be in long or short is fine but I recommend just letting them wear something they already own and save yourself or whoever is paying for your wedding some money.

kittenly

Whether they "have" to be in anything specific was never the point. 

What gets me is this is MY wedding, so why can't I have them in matching dresses if I want?  So I don't have any say so about what someone walking down the aisle to the altar wears?  And why can't I have them in pictures together (they are both my nieces)?   Who makes up these "rules" and what laws will be broken if I stray outside of them?

I had hoped that TK and the community boards would be a source of information, a sharing of ideas and support.  But what I  am "hearing" here (remembering that tone isn't heard when typed so sarcasm can be "heard" as mean) is not feeling supportive to me. 
So much for joyful wedding planning!

bablingbrooke

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_moh-candlelighters-dress-lengths?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:d4f01fae-ae8d-4b3f-b15d-ab330a0a01dbPost:f5143f0e-0049-4287-8f67-b85d00006337">Re: MOH - candlelighters dress lengths</a>:
[QUOTE]Whether they "have" to be in anything specific was never the point.  What gets me is t<strong>his is MY wedding, so why can't I have them in matching dresses if I want? </strong> So I don't have any say so about what someone walking down the aisle to the altar wears?  And why can't I have them in pictures together (they are both my nieces)?   Who makes up these "rules" and what laws will be broken if I stray outside of them? I had hoped that TK and the community boards would be a source of information, a sharing of ideas and support.  But what I  am "hearing" here (remembering that tone isn't heard when typed so sarcasm can be "heard" as mean) is not feeling supportive to me.  So much for joyful wedding planning!
Posted by kittenly[/QUOTE]
You don't have absolute authority here, and this is a really stupid thing to pull the "my wedding" card for, and it just makes you sound like a brat.  Newsflash: it stops being your wedding alone when you add a groom, a WP, a family, and guests.  You have to take their comfort into account.  This is something they will tolerate, but do you really want them to be in a position where they are just tolerating your behaviour, especially for your wedding?<div>
</div><div>Your wedding doesn't stand or fall on what the candle-lighters wear, and it would be nice to not dress them like second-class citizens of the WP.  6 different people are giving you this advice for a reason; we're not colluding off-board to gang up on you, this is what 6 independent people from different states, backgrounds, and walks of life think.  That would give me pause, frankly.</div>

AutumnFair

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_moh-candlelighters-dress-lengths?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:d4f01fae-ae8d-4b3f-b15d-ab330a0a01dbPost:f5143f0e-0049-4287-8f67-b85d00006337">Re: MOH - candlelighters dress lengths</a>:
[QUOTE]Whether they "have" to be in anything specific was never the point. <strong> What gets me is this is MY wedding, so why can't I have them in matching dresses if I want?  So I don't have any say so about what someone walking down the aisle to the altar wears?</strong> <em> And why can't I have them in pictures together (they are both my nieces)?   Who makes up these "rules" and what laws will be broken if I stray outside of them?</em> I had hoped that TK and the community boards would be a source of information, a sharing of ideas and support.  But what I  am "hearing" here (remembering that tone isn't heard when typed so sarcasm can be "heard" as mean) is not feeling supportive to me.  So much for joyful wedding planning!
Posted by kittenly[/QUOTE]

Besides yourself, your BMs and flower girls, no, not really. Your FI picks his outfit and his Groomsmen (not usually a big deal since everyone usually does tuxes). Your mother, FMIL, get to pick their outfits, the Readers pick their own outfits, any vocal/instrumental people get to pick their outfit, and the candlelighters pick their outfits.

Now if you are offering to buy someone their outfit and they are totally cool with letting you choose something for them, then great. But if you pick a dress out for someone who rather wear pants then you need to realize that they're preference is pants and since they are not in the WP you don't have the right to dictate what they can and can not wear.

I'm not saying that they can't be in the pictures, there is no "rule" but 99% of the time most photographers have a list shot with only so much time to get important shots. I have never in my life seen a candid shot of all the BMs, candlelighters together. It's usually the Bride with BMs, the Bride with candlelighters. Now if you want to make a note to your photographer to have on with You+Bridesmaids+Candlelighters then go for it. But I'm just saying you aren't taking a whole lot, if any that you should be stressing over if the two sets of dresses will match or clash.

Your overthinking this issue, since the candlelighters are not apart of the WP you can dress them similar or different to the BMs. So it doesn't matter what you choose.

kittenly

I am not "hearing" advice, I am hearing that I'm wrong for thinking candlelighters are part of the wedding party.  ALL I asked about was dress length but suddenly I'm a brat for wanting the wedding to have a certain look.

FOR THE RECORD: I am not making anyone where something specific, my MOH will choose her dress as will the my two nieces. I am giving them free reign to pick what they like with their parental okay.  I just wanted opinons on dress length!

And yes, I do know it's not "my" wedding, the wedding is actually just an event for my FI and I that starts our marriage.  I have dreamed of the wedding I wanted since I was a little girl, and since I'm 48 and this is my first, I would like it to be special.  But apparently that makes me a brat.  Thanks!

Also for the record, my one niece doesn't have any nice dresses and can't afford anything she would be comfortable in at a wedding. She lives with her mom and quadraplegic older sister on less than $900 a month.  Buying her a dress is something I want to do, but I appreicate people making it sound like

bablingbrooke

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_moh-candlelighters-dress-lengths?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:d4f01fae-ae8d-4b3f-b15d-ab330a0a01dbPost:6820b56d-cd3a-42f5-aea5-b3b3afb565be">Re: MOH - candlelighters dress lengths</a>:
[QUOTE]I am not "hearing" advice, I am hearing that I'm wrong for thinking candlelighters are part of the wedding party.  ALL I asked about was dress length but suddenly I'm a brat for wanting the wedding to have a certain look. FOR THE RECORD : I am not making anyone where something specific, my MOH will choose her dress as will the my two nieces. I am giving them free reign to pick what they like with their parental okay.  I just wanted opinons on dress length! And yes, I do know it's not "my" wedding, the wedding is actually just an event for my FI and I that starts our marriage.  <strong>I have dreamed of the wedding I wanted since I was a little girl, and since I'm 48 and this is my first, I would like it to be special. </strong> But apparently that makes me a brat.  Thanks! Also for the record, my one niece doesn't have any nice dresses and can't afford anything she would be comfortable in at a wedding. She lives with her mom and quadraplegic older sister on less than $900 a month.  Buying her a dress is something I want to do, but I appreicate people making it sound like
Posted by kittenly[/QUOTE]
For realz?  You're almost 50 and you're acting like this?  You're almost 50 and you haven't realized that sometimes compromise on childhood dreams is necessary?  You're almost 50 and you're pulling the "it's my wedding and I'll do what I want" card?  <div>
</div><div>I pulled this from the WP board's Miss Manners tips post, the relevant bits bolded for your convenience:</div><div>
</div><div><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:12px;" class="Apple-style-span"><p style="border-style:initial;border-color:initial;outline-width:0px;outline-style:initial;outline-color:initial;font-size:12px;vertical-align:baseline;background-image:initial;background-attachment:initial;background-origin:initial;background-clip:initial;background-color:transparent;border-width:0px;padding:0px;margin:0px;"><strong style="border-style:initial;border-color:initial;outline-width:0px;outline-style:initial;outline-color:initial;font-size:12px;vertical-align:baseline;background-image:initial;background-attachment:initial;background-origin:initial;background-clip:initial;background-color:transparent;border-width:0px;padding:0px;margin:0px;">1.</strong> <strong><em>When you had that childhood wedding fantasy, you were a child. If you don't have better taste and a greater sense of social and fiscal responsibility now, you're too immature to get married.</em></strong></p><p style="border-style:initial;border-color:initial;outline-width:0px;outline-style:initial;outline-color:initial;font-size:12px;vertical-align:baseline;background-image:initial;background-attachment:initial;background-origin:initial;background-clip:initial;background-color:transparent;border-width:0px;padding:0px;margin:0px;"><strong style="border-style:initial;border-color:initial;outline-width:0px;outline-style:initial;outline-color:initial;font-size:12px;vertical-align:baseline;background-image:initial;background-attachment:initial;background-origin:initial;background-clip:initial;background-color:transparent;border-width:0px;padding:0px;margin:0px;">2.</strong> People are more important than menus. Figure out first whom you want to have there, and then what you can afford to serve them, not the other way around.</p><p style="border-style:initial;border-color:initial;outline-width:0px;outline-style:initial;outline-color:initial;font-size:12px;vertical-align:baseline;background-image:initial;background-attachment:initial;background-origin:initial;background-clip:initial;background-color:transparent;border-width:0px;padding:0px;margin:0px;"><strong style="border-style:initial;border-color:initial;outline-width:0px;outline-style:initial;outline-color:initial;font-size:12px;vertical-align:baseline;background-image:initial;background-attachment:initial;background-origin:initial;background-clip:initial;background-color:transparent;border-width:0px;padding:0px;margin:0px;">3.</strong> A phrase you will be happier if you forget: "the perfect wedding." Perfection does not exist this side of heaven, especially when it involves complicated arrangements and all kinds of other people, and you'll drive yourself and others crazy if you think you can achieve it.</p><p style="border-style:initial;border-color:initial;outline-width:0px;outline-style:initial;outline-color:initial;font-size:12px;vertical-align:baseline;background-image:initial;background-attachment:initial;background-origin:initial;background-clip:initial;background-color:transparent;border-width:0px;padding:0px;margin:0px;"><strong style="border-style:initial;border-color:initial;outline-width:0px;outline-style:initial;outline-color:initial;font-size:12px;vertical-align:baseline;background-image:initial;background-attachment:initial;background-origin:initial;background-clip:initial;background-color:transparent;border-width:0px;padding:0px;margin:0px;">4. </strong><strong><em>Another phrase you will be happier forgetting: "It's your day." The joining of two people involves two (or more) families and other relatives and friends, and you ignore their feelings and comfort at your peril.</em></strong></p><p style="border-style:initial;border-color:initial;outline-width:0px;outline-style:initial;outline-color:initial;font-size:12px;vertical-align:baseline;background-image:initial;background-attachment:initial;background-origin:initial;background-clip:initial;background-color:transparent;border-width:0px;padding:0px;margin:0px;"><strong style="border-style:initial;border-color:initial;outline-width:0px;outline-style:initial;outline-color:initial;font-size:12px;vertical-align:baseline;background-image:initial;background-attachment:initial;background-origin:initial;background-clip:initial;background-color:transparent;border-width:0px;padding:0px;margin:0px;">5. </strong>Your guests are not your personal shoppers.</p><p style="border-style:initial;border-color:initial;outline-width:0px;outline-style:initial;outline-color:initial;font-size:12px;vertical-align:baseline;background-image:initial;background-attachment:initial;background-origin:initial;background-clip:initial;background-color:transparent;border-width:0px;padding:0px;margin:0px;"> </p></span></div><div>I feel sorry for you.  Truly I do.</div>

AutumnFair

I gave my opinion already on the dress length. You can't go wrong with long or short, so just see what your nieces want to wear. But if your nieces have something they already want to wear then just let them wear it.

kittenly

I never said I'd do what I want and everyone else is out of luck, and the fact words are being attributed to me that I never said, is rude to say the least!   Obviously my entire last post was not read.

I said it's my first wedding and I know how I'd like it to be, but I never said things had to only be my way.  It was decided that's what I meant and quite frankly that's beyond offensive to me.

My wedding dreams from when I was younger were elaborate, the wedding that is being planned is simple, and focused on the bonding of not only my fiance and I, but of our family and friends.  So no, my childhood dream wedding is not anything like what the reality is - and that makes me happy.

I never said I expect a "perfect" wedding, and again, words are being attributed to me that I did not say.   I am not, nor will be a "bridezilla" (thought I'd use that term before someone else bestows it on me).  And all the decisions are joint ones - whether with my fiance, matron-of-honor and/or others. 

I really am at a loss why I've received so much venomous responses to a simple question rabout dress lengths.  I've been called immature, a brat, and brought to tears by the responses to this simple question.  Once again, so much for joyful planning....

AutumnFair

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_moh-candlelighters-dress-lengths?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:d4f01fae-ae8d-4b3f-b15d-ab330a0a01dbPost:97aa5faf-4ac7-4683-9c29-a4dc4f0cd4f3">Re: MOH - candlelighters dress lengths</a>:
[QUOTE]I never said I'd do what I want and everyone else is out of luck, and the fact words are being attributed to me that I never said, is rude to say the least!   Obviously my entire last post was not read. I said it's my first wedding and I know how I'd like it to be, but I never said things had to only be my way.  It was decided that's what I meant and quite frankly that's beyond offensive to me. My wedding dreams from when I was younger were elaborate, the wedding that is being planned is simple, and focused on the bonding of not only my fiance and I, but of our family and friends.  So no, my childhood dream wedding is not anything like what the reality is - and that makes me happy. I never said I expect a "perfect" wedding, and again, words are being attributed to me that I did not say.   I am not, nor will be a "bridezilla" (thought I'd use that term before someone else bestows it on me).  And all the decisions are joint ones - whether with my fiance, matron-of-honor and/or others. <strong> I really am at a loss why I've received so much venomous responses to a simple question rabout dress lengths.  I've been called immature, a brat, and brought to tears by the responses to this simple question.</strong>  Once again, so much for joyful planning....
Posted by kittenly[/QUOTE]

Now you just trying to create drama, because no one called you a brat or immature, just because we pointed out that candlelighters are not WP and can wear whatever they want that you are calling our advice venomous.  I suggest you reread this whole thread over and realize we were just giving advice. There was not one response that was remotely mean. Personally, you need to chillax because if you get this upset over a discussion that as simple as what attire people wear then you going to give yourself a breakdown as you continue wedding planning. So take a step back, reread what we said, think about it, and move on. We do have a right to our opinion and if you don't like it, that's fine, but don't act like we are being mean to you because we were not.

trix1223

Actually, I just think you're terribly overthinking this.  You're making a big deal out of a dress length.

Here's a reality check:  what were the candlelighters wearing (if there even were candlelighters) at the last six weddings you attended?  My guess is that you can't remember, because it's really an inconsequential detail.

Of course you can dictate dress length.  What people are trying to tell you is that this is one of those things that before your honeymoon is over you'll be thinking "Why did I spend all that time and money worrying about THAT???"

Knock yourself out.  People here really were trying to save you some time, money, and worry.  But clearly you want to spend your time, money, and energy on this.  So like I said, knock yourself out.

Oh and not a soul said you can't take pictures with your nieces.  Heck, you can have a portrait taken of your and your FI with every single guest at your wedding.  But that still doesn't mean they're all in the WP.

Good luck to you.

kittenly

What an amazing "conversation" this has been!

Ladies, while I appreciate that some of you were willing to let me know that candlelighters are not part of a wedding party, I do take exception to the idea that I have not taken the positive comments properly; I do appreciate those posters.  I did not know that according to "the rules" candlelighters were just there and not part of the WP as that is not my experience.  That was all.  But when I questioned why they couldn't be I felt attacked. And please don't tell me I wasn't, I stated that's how I felt, not that it is a fact. 

Trix: Someone posted that the candlelighters wouldn't be in pictures w/the bridesmaid (I'm actually only having a MOH).  But since one of the girls is the granddaughter of the MOH, yes, they will be in pictures together.

Autumn: If you look back over the thread of posts today you will see that babblingbrooke did tell me that "it just makes you sound like a brat."  Not to quibble on "makes you sound" is the same as calling be a name, but to me it is.  She also posted the following for me: When you had that childhood wedding fantasy, you were a child. If you don't have better taste and a greater sense of social and fiscal responsibility now, you're too immature to get married.

FOR THE RECORD: I am not stressed over this and have actually started to find the replies amusing, I just asked about dress lengths, that was all.  It then became a run of "you have to do it a certain way" to which I asked "why? who makes the rules"?  But I've not had an answer to that. To be honest I would like to know why my candlelighters cannot be considered part of my wedding party, but will leave that alone.

I guess I'm not planning on having a "traditional" wedding but the wedding my fiance and I want to have to celebrate our marriage with our family and friends.  And yes, everyone's comfort is a concern to me - with 1 quadraplegic and 1 paraplegic coming it is VERY important to me.  Oh, and the paraplegic is in my "offical" wedding party.

AutumnFair

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_moh-candlelighters-dress-lengths?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:d4f01fae-ae8d-4b3f-b15d-ab330a0a01dbPost:5be1ef72-80df-41c3-8fbe-e80c7081c3c4">Re: MOH - candlelighters dress lengths</a>:
[QUOTE]What an amazing "conversation" this has been! Ladies, while I appreciate that some of you were willing to let me know that candlelighters are not part of a wedding party, I do take exception to the idea that I have not taken the positive comments properly; I do appreciate those posters.  I did not know that according to "the rules" candlelighters were just there and not part of the WP as that is not my experience.  That was all.  But when I questioned why they couldn't be I felt attacked. And please don't tell me I wasn't, I stated that's how I felt , not that it is a fact.  Trix: Someone posted that the candlelighters wouldn't be in pictures w/the bridesmaid (I'm actually only having a MOH).  But since one of the girls is the granddaughter of the MOH, yes, they will be in pictures together. Autumn: If you look back over the thread of posts today you will see that babblingbrooke did tell me that "it just makes you sound like a brat."  Not to quibble on "makes you sound" is the same as calling be a name, but to me it is.  She also posted the following for me: When you had that childhood wedding fantasy, you were a child. If you don't have better taste and a greater sense of social and fiscal responsibility now, you're too immature to get married. FOR THE RECORD: I am not stressed over this and have actually started to find the replies amusing, I just asked about dress lengths, that was all.  <strong> It then became a run of "you have to do it a certain way" to which I asked "why? who makes the rules"? </strong> But I've not had an answer to that. To be honest I would like to know why my candlelighters cannot be considered part of my wedding party, but will leave that alone. I guess I'm not planning on having a "traditional" wedding but the wedding my fiance and I want to have to celebrate our marriage with our family and friends.  And yes, everyone's comfort is a concern to me - with 1 quadraplegic and 1 paraplegic coming it is VERY important to me.  Oh, and the paraplegic is in my "offical" wedding party.
Posted by kittenly[/QUOTE]

Please indicate where we posted the bold. No one did. The beauty about weddings is there really aren't a lot of "rules", basically as long as you treat your guests, your WP, and other people in your wedding with respect and consider their feelings then you can do whatever you want.

And you already said no one specifically called you brat. bablingbrooke said "sound" and her post about "immature" was from WP rules so not directly her words.

And first you were crying, now your amused? Well, I'm glad your not sad anymore.

aerinpegadrak

Are you going to try to coordinate what all of your guests who might be in pictures together will wear?  Presumably the MOH and her granddaughter would clash as much or as little as any other guests who take a picture together would, regardless of their roles in the wedding.  The advice people are giving you about long vs. short is IT DOES NOT MATTER and the fact that you're getting all worked up about something so trivial implies that you don't have any real problems, in which case I envy you.

As long as people are not naked, no one, and I mean no one, gives a damn what anyone in the wedding is wearing.  Cross my heart.  This is a complete non-issue.  Again, as I said in my first response, if you would like to buy them nice dresses, that's great!  Take them shopping and let them choose whatever length and style makes them feel totally fabulous.  You should be putting the way people feel over the way things look, not the other way around.

I'm also rather surprised to find out your age.  From the tone of your posts, I would have pegged you for early 20s.  Grown women usually don't talk like that.

kittenly

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_moh-candlelighters-dress-lengths?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:d4f01fae-ae8d-4b3f-b15d-ab330a0a01dbPost:9fefab17-937b-43ef-8c20-45c760ebfc28">Re: MOH - candlelighters dress lengths</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: MOH - candlelighters dress lengths : Please indicate where we posted the bold. No one did. The beauty about weddings is there really aren't a lot of "rules", basically as long as you treat your guests, your WP, and other people in your wedding with respect and consider their feelings then you can do whatever you want. And you already said no one specifically called you brat. bablingbrooke said "sound" and her post about "immature" was from WP rules so not directly her words. And first you were crying, now your amused? Well, I'm glad your not sad anymore.
Posted by AutumnFair[/QUOTE]

<p>The words you put into bold represent what I "heard" from a number of the posts which is candlelighters are not part of the WP - period.  No reason was given why they could not be a part.  And instead of my comment of "it's MY wedding" was taken to mean I controlling everything.  I've been an event planner for years doing dances, fundraisers and international events, so I know better than to think that any one person controls anything.

Yes, I was in tears when it became apparent that what I had asked was being mis-understood, but then as this dialouge as continued it did become amusing as it is obvious that all of us, myself included have let it go to far.

Suffice it to say the event where I marry the love of my life will be filled with joy and happiness, and we will be surrounded by people who love us and encourage us.  I just won't ask for opinions from people on this board again.

Goodnight and good luck.</p>

aerinpegadrak

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_moh-candlelighters-dress-lengths?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:d4f01fae-ae8d-4b3f-b15d-ab330a0a01dbPost:1760d0ca-5c2e-4f1a-8e37-74df9c3d2e8e">Re: MOH - candlelighters dress lengths</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: MOH - candlelighters dress lengths : The words you put into bold represent what I "heard" from a number of the posts which is <strong>candlelighters are not part of the WP - period.  No reason was given why they could not be a part.  </strong>And instead of my comment of "it's MY wedding" was taken to mean I controlling everything.  I've been an event planner for years doing dances, fundraisers and international events, so I know better than to think that any one person controls anything. Yes, I was in tears when it became apparent that what I had asked was being mis-understood, but then as this dialouge as continued it did become amusing as it is obvious that all of us, myself included have let it go to far. Suffice it to say the event where I marry the love of my life will be filled with joy and happiness, and we will be surrounded by people who love us and encourage us.  I just won't ask for opinions from people on this board again. Goodnight and good luck.
Posted by kittenly[/QUOTE]
WP = bridesmaids and groomsmen, that's it.  It doesn't mean they're not part of the wedding, it means they're not in the group of people whom you get to pick clothes for.  Additional ceremonial roles are very important, but they're distinct from the wedding party.  If they were bridesmaids, then it would be a different story, but they're not.

bablingbrooke

Do you wind yourself up over everything in life, or was this special for the board?  You have two choices when you post on a message board: ignore the advice and do whatever the hell you want, or take the advice.  Winding yourself up like this...I don't know why you care so much.  If something on the internet is moving you to tears (and frankly, this isn't something worth crying over to begin with) then you need to take a break from it, or avoid it altogether.