MOH left the country, now what?

mancini104

 Hi,
 
Shortly after agreeing to be my MOH my best friend has decided to live in a foreign country for several years.  I am getting married months before her return.  She did say that she will fly back to be in my wedding, but the costs of air travel, bachelorette party and a bridesmaid gown will be substantial on her tight budget. Should I suggest that she can step down if she feels it makes it easier on her?  Or will even suggesting that she step down hurt her?  Personally I think she'll be relieved and save her a great deal of stress and money, but I still care about her a lot and want her to be involved.   

Thank you. 

deepcovejackie

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_moh-left-country-now?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:d796b12d-b254-4e5f-b874-a06ad3f3c610Post:7a9c3ddc-3aa8-4654-94a9-5db83d48613e">MOH left the country, now what?</a>:
[QUOTE] Hi,   Shortly after agreeing to be my MOH my best friend has decided to live in a foreign country for several years.  I am getting married months before her return.  She did say that she will fly back to be in my wedding, but the costs of air travel, bachelorette party and a bridesmaid gown will be substantial on her tight budget. Should I suggest that she can step down if she feels it makes it easier on her?  Or will even suggesting that she step down hurt her?  Personally I think she'll be relieved and save her a great deal of stress and money, but I still care about her a lot and want her to be involved.    Thank you. 
Posted by mancini104[/QUOTE]

Please don't suggest she step down.  She doesn't need to pay for a bachelorette party for you.  You can choose an affordable dress.  If she does step down for financial reasons, then be gracious and don't replace her.  Hope it all works out.

AutumnFair

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_moh-left-country-now?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:d796b12d-b254-4e5f-b874-a06ad3f3c610Post:7a9c3ddc-3aa8-4654-94a9-5db83d48613e">MOH left the country, now what?</a>:
[QUOTE] Hi,   Shortly after agreeing to be my MOH my best friend has decided to live in a foreign country for several years.  I am getting married months before her return.  She did say that she will fly back to be in my wedding, but the costs of air travel, bachelorette party and a bridesmaid gown will be substantial on her tight budget. Should I suggest that she can step down if she feels it makes it easier on her?  Or will even suggesting that she step down hurt her?  Personally I think she'll be relieved and save her a great deal of stress and money, but I still care about her a lot and want her to be involved.    Thank you. 
Posted by mancini104[/QUOTE]
<div>
</div><div>Alright first thing. No WP member including the MOH has to throw you pre-wedding parties, it is awesome if they do but it is not required and you should not expect them. </div><div>
</div><div>Second, you need to ask individually not only your MOH but your other BMs what their budgets BEFORE picking a BM dress. </div><div>
</div><div>Third, you do NOT kick people out of your wedding, it is very rude. Your friend is an adult and can make the decision to step down if she later realizes it will be too expensive for her flight back. </div><div>
</div><div>Remember you chose your friend because you wanted to honor your friendship, nothing more. All any WP member has to do is get the attire and be there the day of the wedding. If you care about your friend being their you will help her out being flexible with what she wears or her budget, and even if she can't make it please do NOT replace her. </div><div>
</div>

mancini104

I know, I know, I am such an AWFUL person for wanting to make someone's life easier.  Just crucify me. 

Now before any of you post a cutting rebuttal of how I'm a terrible friend and an awful bride and oh my God!  How I'm purely inconsiderate, rude and evil I am!, or whatever the hell you wanted to bitch at me about, please note that I will not be returning to this thread, so I suggest that you don't waste your time. 

Kniblet

Geez, calm down.

Based on what YOU posted, the above posters responded.  You are not the first bride to come onto one of these boards and let us know how upset they are that their MOH has moved.

If you DO come back, read the responses again WITHOUT the feeling like people are attacking you.  Reread what YOU wrote as if a total stranger wrote it.

And no, don't talk to her about stepping down.  If she needs to, she will.  But it will not ruin your wedding.

deepcovejackie

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_moh-left-country-now?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:d796b12d-b254-4e5f-b874-a06ad3f3c610Post:70b68984-882a-4d48-bd2c-90d6bedd106c">Re: MOH left the country, now what?</a>:
[QUOTE]I know, I know, I am such an AWFUL person for wanting to make someone's life easier.  Just crucify me.  Now before any of you post a cutting rebuttal of how I'm a terrible friend and an awful bride and oh my God!  How I'm purely inconsiderate, rude and evil I am!, or whatever the hell you wanted to bitch at me about, please note that I will not be returning to this thread, so I suggest that you don't waste your time. 
Posted by mancini104[/QUOTE]

Well that was me being nice.  You need to calm down.  I said I hope it works out, wowza.

aerinpegadrak

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_moh-left-country-now?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:d796b12d-b254-4e5f-b874-a06ad3f3c610Post:70b68984-882a-4d48-bd2c-90d6bedd106c">Re: MOH left the country, now what?</a>:
[QUOTE]I know, I know, I am such an AWFUL person for wanting to make someone's life easier.  Just crucify me.  Now before any of you post a cutting rebuttal of how I'm a terrible friend and an awful bride and oh my God!  How I'm purely inconsiderate, rude and evil I am!, or whatever the hell you wanted to bitch at me about, please note that I will not be returning to this thread, so I suggest that you don't waste your time. 
Posted by mancini104[/QUOTE]
Yeah, telling her that she's clearly not as important to you because she can't throw you parties and do the extra stuff that she's not required to do regardless of title is totally all about making her life easier.  How could we have missed that one?

mandi921vh

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_moh-left-country-now?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:d796b12d-b254-4e5f-b874-a06ad3f3c610Post:b4ba9f7f-b0d9-4723-8c32-da6586a772e0">Re: MOH left the country, now what?</a>:
[QUOTE]Man, no one was even mean. Sensitive much?
Posted by cfaszews25[/QUOTE]

<div>Seriously. </div>

mancini104

Guess what ladies. She dropped out.  Just like I thought she would.  I was right all along, and you all thought I was being a bad friend.  Look what happened.  Should of just told asked her in the first place.  

mancini104

asked*  What a waste!  She expressed that she is financially strapped and doesn't want to be my MOH because she can't fulfull her 'duties' as a MOH and it wouldn't be easy on her.  GEE I WONDER WHO SAID THAT.

deepcovejackie

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_moh-left-country-now?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:d796b12d-b254-4e5f-b874-a06ad3f3c610Post:25584d13-54c3-4b5c-abdf-e504321359c2">Re: MOH left the country, now what?</a>:
[QUOTE]asked*  What a waste!  She expressed that she is financially strapped and doesn't want to be my MOH because she can't fulfull her 'duties' as a MOH and it wouldn't be easy on her.  GEE I WONDER WHO SAID THAT.
Posted by mancini104[/QUOTE]

Congrats?  You win?

deepcovejackie

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_moh-left-country-now?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:d796b12d-b254-4e5f-b874-a06ad3f3c610Post:6b4f7d27-7faf-4e8b-932e-00aa78bff5ad">Re: MOH left the country, now what?</a>:
[QUOTE]Guess what ladies. She dropped out.  Just like I thought she would.  I was right all along, and you all thought I was being a bad friend.  Look what happened.  Should of just told asked her in the first place.  
Posted by mancini104[/QUOTE]

You've missed the point.  She stepped down, that's fine.  YOU didn't ask her to (I hope).  So you'll NOT be forever known as the bride who asked a friend to "step down" from her wedding party.

Kniblet

[QUOTE]In Response to Re: MOH left the country, now what? : You've missed the point.  She stepped down, that's fine.  YOU didn't ask her to (I hope).  So you'll NOT be forever known as the bride who asked a friend to "step down" from her wedding party.
Posted by deepcovejackie[/QUOTE]
This, exactly.  We all told you to NOT ask her to step down.  We told you to ler HER step down if she needed to and that's what she did.

aerinpegadrak

Ditto Jackie and Knibs.  The decision to leave the WP should be hers alone, it should NEVER be even suggested by the bride.  She clearly demonstrated that she was more than capable of making the decision on her own without you making it for her, which was what everyone was trying to tell you.

mancini104

Nah.  It doesn't matter now.  If I said 'hey, I understand that being in this wedding is costing you a lot (I'm talking $3,000 just in airfare and dress alone) so if you feel that it's too hard I understand, but I would love for you to be my maid of honor/bridesmaid" she would likely be grateful that I broke the ice first.  I knew she was going to drop out for a few months by the questions she was asking me and hardly talking about the wedding, and paying off student loans.  So, I'm not mad.  It works out for both of us now. I am glad that I blew off everyone's comments.  I was right thinking about telling her that, because that's what she wanted to do anyway.  I don't give a F*ck about what anyone says about me or my thoughts. Yes, with a capital f.  I didn't even read the other comments.  lol.

Moderator, you can delete this whole thread, because the issue is resolved and it's not doing anyone any good.   Cancel my account if you want.  I really don't care because I am happy, and I am happy because I don't care.  

It's too exhausting, caring about what everyone thinks of you.