MOH stuff

JulieSher

I have a friend  who I have been friends with since preschool but the past 5-7 years we have really drifted apart. We don't really ever hang out. In the past year I think she has invited me over once and she never comes to things I invite her to When I became engaged she said "i better be the maid of honor". It was kind of a joke but I could tell she was kind of serious. I already picked a different friend as my maid of honor.About a year has passed and today she asked me if a picked a mid of honor. I told her I picked another person and she was really upset. I told her it was nothing personal but she didn't care. I feel horrible and i though that may be I could split maid of honor duties between her and my other friend but I am kind of upset that she is putting me in this awkward position. I don't want to lose a friend over this but I also feel she should be more mature and understanding. I want to stand my ground but I feel like it may not be worth it to harm our friendship. Am I being selfish? I need another perspective.

jagore08

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_moh-stuff?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:d80188d0-68c9-4c86-9b01-f53727aa46b6Post:86b30214-5e8e-4113-b00e-a07d9e2ab921">MOH stuff</a>:
[QUOTE]I have a friend  who I have been friends with since preschool but the past 5-7 years we have really drifted apart. We don't really ever hang out. In the past year I think she has invited me over once and she never comes to things I invite her to When I became engaged she said "i better be the maid of honor". It was kind of a joke but I could tell she was kind of serious. I already picked a different friend as my maid of honor.About a year has passed and today she asked me if a picked a mid of honor. I told her I picked another person and she was really upset. I told her it was nothing personal but she didn't care. I feel horrible and i though that may be I could split maid of honor duties between her and my other friend but I am kind of upset that she is putting me in this awkward position. I don't want to lose a friend over this but I also feel she should be more mature and understanding. I want to stand my ground but I feel like it may not be worth it to harm our friendship. Am I being selfish? I need another perspective.
Posted by JulieSher[/QUOTE]
Yeah, that's not right of her to put you in that position.  I'm surprised that she's even your BM since you said that you guys don't even really hang out.  Since she's already your BM I think you should leave it at that.  You chose your MOH for a reason and you shouldn't be made to feel guilty for your decision.  Just try to avoid any more of those conversations.<div>
</div><div>As for the MOH duties, the only thing any of your BM are required to do is buy the dress (which you should ask what their budgets are individually, then find something that fits within the lowest price range given), show up for the wedding, and smile for pictures.  The prewedding parties are a bonus and are a gift given to you by the host.  They are also not required to help you plan or do projects for your wedding.  If they offer then that's a different story.</div><div>
</div><div>Good luck with your friend.  I hope she matures enough to realize that you thought of her as a friend and that's why you've asked her to be a BM.</div>

CassieeK

She is being very immature.  I do not understand the need or desire for the almighty MOH title. Realistically, she will do the same thing the other bridesmaids do, so why does she (and other women who get so bent out of shape over this) think being MOH is so important?  I have 2 bridesmaids.  They decided between the 2 of them who we would call MOH as kind of a joke b/c they are both doing exactly the same things.

JulieSher

I know there aren't any real "duties" I  just figuered I would ask her for help with stuff to kind of smooth out the situation.

JulieSher

She is in the bridal party

em01092

OP, it wasn't clear from your first post if you included her in your WP or not. Some women have only a MOH and no BMs. 

Either way, remember that no MOH or BM is obligated to help you with stuffing envelopes or making favors. You can ask as a friend,of course, but you should not demand or expect their help just because they are WP members. 

Maybe you could ask your friend in question to sign your marriage license, but have your MOH stand by you and hold the bouquet, as MsOH usually do. Those are the only "duties" assigned to a MOH. Really I think your friend is just hurt because she doesn't have the title and honor that goes along with being MOH, but she is being immature about it and honestly I don't know why she expected to be if you guys drifted apart, or even why you asked her to be a BM for that matter if you are no longer close.